For those who went from no dates to getting dates all the time what was the turning point for you?

ScreamingButtholes · 2021-07-13T02:21:24+00:00

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No1isMygod · 2021-07-13T02:26:42+00:00

Inner game comes from action - you can read, think, and consider all you want but if you want to feel good you have to put thought into action. Start working out to feel and look good, go on a date even if you don’t think the girl is super hot or you don’t think you’ll get laid, it’s about experience and your experience will give you new insights and confidence.
Small steps - you’re not going to be killing it over night, set small attainable goals to build confidence.
Do the things other men don’t - you don’t have to be movie character smooth, most dudes are total fucking morons and by keeping your emotions in check and just being a guy that asks for what he wants and is basically “normal” you’re already ahead of the majority.
For dates - if you suggest a date to a woman in this format: You “any plans this weekend?” Her “I’m doing xyz on x day” You “cool, up to meet at insert place at insert time on insert date” More often then not you will get a yes because most guys can’t even suggest a place and time and women would prefer to join in on a set plan.
To get laid - break the touch barrier ASAP without being weird and work to escalate in small steps through the interaction

I know it’s basic advice, but these where light bulb epiphany concepts for me after I experienced them work.

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2021-07-13T03:03:26+00:00

There's never been a turning point for me. It's either feast or famine. There's gonna be days where you're going out with another woman every night of the week, and others when you're seriously considering buying a prostitute.

gmahogany · 2021-07-13T08:06:49+00:00

Stop trying to get dates, go explore shit that seems cool to you and talk to everyone. Even if you don't get a date it makes your life more fun. Sometimes people you meet happen to be a girl you're attracted to. Met 2 cute girls today at a burger place. I was talking to an older lady sitting near me and they joined the convo. When I left I said "hey, I just moved out here and don't know anyone really. You guys wanna hang out sometime?". Hanging out with them and their friends tomorrow. Last week I walked up to a group in the smoking section at a dive bar and said "hey, how's it goin?". Talked to them for most of the night. One girl worked at my dr office, I asked for a pen and I wrote my num and said "I know you're at work so this is prob weird but you seem like a good time. Text me if you wanna hang out sometime. Or throw it away, won't hold it against you." She texted me.

People are cool if you're open and social. I got nothin in a year and a half of trying to get a date like my life depended on it. Out of nowhere I just got over it and now I'm just trying to have a good time and meet people. People seem to sense that and are way more receptive.

kstan4d · 2021-07-13T05:50:25+00:00

For dating apps, I stopped making useless small talk and boring interview questions like "Where u from" "what do u do" "what do u do in your free time". Instead I switched my texts to about 50% banter (flirting) and 50% asking qualifying questions. Think of yourself as the prize -- you're the employer and you're looking to make a hire. I text with short concise language, capitalized first letter, and no emojis. I express polarizing opinions more often. I match her energy over text -- if she responds instantly and wants a real-time convo, I'm down too (usually good results from these). If she responds every 24 hrs, I'll do the same.

For real life, I banter a lot more and try to have as much fun as possible. Strong eye contact and the occasional touch on her arm when we are both laughing. Talk slower and with a lower tone. If you're in a social group setting, make sure to sit as close to whoever you're interested in. Seating is crucial -- cannot say this enough. Also I'm not afraid to tell my close girl friends when I think one of their friends is cute

ObjectSpirited494 · 2021-07-13T04:02:03+00:00

Mastering eye contact

letsgetrandy · 2021-07-13T10:35:26+00:00

One simple change makes all the difference:

When you're not asking people out, you have no dates. When you start asking people out, you start having dates.

Get out of your goddamn head and just ask people out.

Workamaholic · 2021-07-13T15:47:58+00:00

A lot of decent advice on here. I’ll tell you the big lessons for me.

Direct a Date don’t beg for it. - meaning don’t ask for dates. Get to know someone first a little, until you’ve had an indication they might be Interested (this can happen fairly fast, people just want to ascertain that you’re safe and not a waste of time mostly), it’s likely they are into you if you’re talking and there’s repertoire. So if you notice interest you say something like, “it’s been fun talking but I have an idea for something I know you’d like. Meet me at 1245 Main Street Wednesday at 7pm. I’ll show you.” Then plan an activity or go someplace together but keep it a little mysterious. Doesn’t even have to be that special, it’s more how it’s presented and how you are. If they turn you down or flake but don’t reschedule or are genuinely apologetic. They’re not that into you, they are into your attention. Give yourself some respect and move on, or if they’re a good wing. Friend zone them. But do it with a boundary that you’re bot going back to romantic interest. Which leads to the second one.
Your beliefs are holding you back from your best self - often the things we believe manifest themselves through our actions or inactions so if you believe something is true, especially in regards to what social norms are “correct” then it comes true. But the reality is much more subjective. The most healthy thing you can do is examine your beliefs about yourself, women, and relationships, and make sure you’re aware of them and act accordingly.
Men fall in love with the way something looks, women fall in love with what something means. This one is hard to master but it basically means you have to start listening for meaning and putting your own meanings out there. Flirting is context and subtext, things most men are awful at but women are phenomenal at. Start trying to understand what someone is meaning based on what they say or do and act accordingly.
Express your intentions while keeping the tension - it would be very nice to go up to someone and say hey, I find you attractive physically and I have a lot to offer, we should be together. And then they will be like yes, I see your value and I too am attracted. Boom relationship. But honestly, it doesn’t work that way. It’s important to learn how to express intention with your attention. The right kind of Eye contact, a half smile, or a light touch on the arm or a half hug can do wonders. I like to compare it to the show the office. I believe it’s a good show certainly, but I believe it’s particularly popular for women because each character is doing something and it’s meaning something else. Their actions are dripping with intentions that show the kinds of people that they are and it’s fun to decide this.
Listen to Understand - this one drives me crazy because it puts the other person at such a disadvantage and it’s so damn easy. I now have a boundary that If the person isn’t actively curious about my life, I move on, but the weird thing is, you can literally monopolize a conversation about someone else and help them understand themselves and it’s addictive as hell. It’s good to remember that people pay therapists (I do as well) mostly for someone who listens and asks questions. And women (for the most part) solve their own problems by you asking questions and follow up questions. Be careful with this skill. Like I said. It’s easy to become someone they are addicted to and depending on what you want it’s not always equitable.

Hope that helps. Always learning always growing.

Wu_Pao-chao · 2021-07-13T08:00:42+00:00

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BensonInFL · 2021-07-13T05:45:01+00:00

what was the turning point for you?

The warm glow after realizing that I was the prize and not them. Not wondering, not pretending, but actually believing it through and through. This realization came after I accomplished enough things that I thought were impossible, things that I only saw in porn, such as threesomes, golden showers, a2m, etc...

-B

chizhi1234 · 2021-07-13T06:36:44+00:00

I think I stopped giving a shit, hence I become flirty with all of them, kinda like throwing a net rather than using a rod, if you use a rod, fish will choose the rod, if you use a net, you choose da fish

My main motivation character? Homelander from the boys, is he shit? Yeah, but it's his shitty character that makes people like him

pl0m · 2021-07-13T07:17:10+00:00

I was reading the game to just get a general picture of how they work. My first hookup was an obese girl that was smoking plenty of cigarettes while drinking redbull. One year later and a couple of more hookups i was actually dating really good looking girls that could be models. So my best advice is to get a general picture of the girls. Start at the very bottom and work your way up!

blessedwiththecurse · 2021-07-13T10:19:48+00:00

The turning point for me was when I realised life’s too short not to enjoy yourself. Also when I realised you miss all the shots you don’t take

LastStandBeforeOver · 2021-07-13T10:36:29+00:00

One photo on Tinder. Yes literally. I had sent a photo of myself to Photofeeler and to my surprise got 8+/10. So put it as first pic on Tinder and results skyrocketed.

In addition, I realised I had to have dates with multiples girls, and made sure my schedule allowed for that. Be aware that you must be able to process multiple matches and it can be difficult at first

whodoesntgiveafuck · 2021-07-13T10:54:56+00:00

Starting to talk with everyone

Peachmuffin91 · 2021-07-13T11:07:42+00:00

I think mentality is one part of it but the other part is putting yourself in the right places based on your maturity level.

I used to always pick up girls at the bar, but now the bar is less appealing to me so when I go I generally don’t do well at those places anymore, but that’s because I’m not truly enjoying being there.

Now that I’m older I find whenever I take my kid out to normal places I get hit on A LOT, he’s my little wingman. Restaurants, grocery store etc.

You need to find the places that make you feel the best, and get out of your comfort zone a little and experience some new things.

2021-07-13T13:31:03+00:00

a huuuuge huge one for me was realizing that women are literally terrified of us, and we need to be conscientious of that. stay cool, back off when you need to, don't be pushy, like at all, give her options, etc.

every single girl you've talked to has had a really bad/terrifying experience with men. when you first meet with a girl, you basically have to help her realize you aren't going to be one of those people.

Blue_Ducktape · 2021-07-13T13:45:23+00:00

Focusing on me instead of focusing on trying to get dates, not that I stopped asking girls out but more so I stopped seeking them out, now I'm dating a girl that ghosted me on tinder like 8 months ago cause she hit me up again like 3 months ago apologizing for ghosting me, life and dating are weird you just gotta keep trying until you figure out what works for you.

berttbeans996 · 2021-07-13T20:06:53+00:00

Once you sexually game one girl, the rest come easier. Then you game and sexually escalate 2, play your cards right and you keep her in the rotation, then 3 then 4 then 5 and so on.

Turning point for me was when I got two girls. Because if you have one it’s easy to give her all your time and attention. After I got 2, I easily got the next 4.

But yea I was in a 3.5 year relationship and it ended and I was heartbroken. I had to reconstruct myself because I had not been working on myself for those 3.5 years due to complacency from being in a relationship.

Hit the gym consistently for the next 6 months, got my diet right, pursued my old hobbies, started solidifying my identity as a person without them. Invested in fashion, grooming, and skincare. And yea man. It was easier after that.

Title	For those who went from no dates to getting dates all the time what was the turning point for you?
Author	ScreamingButtholes
Upvotes	32
Comments	32
Date	July 13, 2021 1:56 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/oj5q1q/for_those_who_went_from_no_dates_to_getting_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/for-those-who-went-from-no-dates-to-getting-dates.1280509 https://theredarchive.com/post/1280509

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