Former insecure people when /how did you accept you are attractive?

LizzoBathwater · 2024-09-23T01:14:39+00:00

I’m still not sure if i’m attractive lmao. I’ve had girls i’ve connected with tell me i’m handsome, even guy friends have said i stand a good chance with attractive girls and they’re surprised at my lack of success.

But then i’ve never had women openly thirst over me, or approach me, and i get zero success on dating apps.

So i really don’t know wtf is going on.

Seductive_allure3000 · 2024-09-23T09:41:33+00:00

It's taken me a long-ass time to realise I'm attractive. Too long. When you're attractive and have low self-esteem/confidence, SOME people will use that against you by bullying you to make them feel better about themselves.

It's like when I used to go out for meals and drinks at night with my friends, they'd be fine with me until I started getting attention from Women, then they'd turn on me and the atmosphere would become toxic. It was always me. If any of my friends got attention they'd be fine with them.

It's like that at work too. My work "friends" are fine with me until I start getting attention from Women and then they get toxic.

I used to think there was something wrong with me until I realised people just project their issues onto you.

sompl2000 · 2024-09-23T12:33:25+00:00

Thought i was unattractive cause of my height (5'7) Turns out most of it really is confidence, charisma en humor.

Once you accept yourself for who you are, others will too

Worried-One2399 · 2024-09-23T01:06:28+00:00

I listened to other people’s opinions. They validated me. Then I validated myself, hang around secure people! That was my biggest change.

Even if they weren’t “secure” they FAKED it. That in turn made me secure, self confident & my self esteem grew from there.

I’m a 33M, and I didn’t get to this point in my life by chance. A massive number of failures that I had to endure in my early life got my to where I am currently.

I don’t take life for granted. Gratitude is the ultimate door to happiness and self fulfillment. If u can be thankful for the SMALLEST things.

For example: when I was in my mid-20’s I realized and told myself “Holly shit I’m depressed AF right now”

But I also told myself “ok I’m depressed how can change myself for the better.” So I started small, u can’t think your going to wake up tomorrow & be the most self confident, highest self esteem dude around.

Bcz that MIGHT happen, but u have to build your “foundation” so it’s impenetrable. Also that might happen but it’s SOO much more volatile 1-day ur super confident, the next day ur insecure, etc…

So I set the bar low, I told myself no matter wat happens, no matter how shitty my day was, etc… no matter WHAT time it was end of the day, beginning of the day didn’t matter.

I would say THREE things in my own mind that I was thankful for. And it could’ve been as stupid as the shoes on my feet, or the roof over my head.

Right? I was already working out, I was already doing the things to be “healthy” but I was depressed. Start by doing that, if ur not in or part of a gym.

Get in one, ASAP. I started lifting when I was 15 years old & like I said I’m 33 now. Don’t be afraid to look dumb.

People who are confident don’t give AF, (to a point). One of my friends literally DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK. I told him dude, sometimes u need to lower the volume of your voice and keep it in ur head.

We all get carried away, but u have to understand there’s a balance between being seen as a confident, determined individual who doesn’t give AF and can & will approach any woman he sees.

OR

You can be insecure, have a lack of confidence and talk yourself out of talking to that 8/10 bcz u hesitated and the longer u hesitate the harder it becomes.

But don’t focus on the woman. The key to becoming a high value male is to focus on yourself. Focusing on yourself and you’ll get SOOOO much further than if u focus on them (them being woman).

Write down what ur good @, what ur bad @ and u need to work on. It will come, u just have to focus on yourself.

Believe in yourself & understand yourself to a point that you’re impenetrable (as I said). Cuz remember we’re the ones doing the penetrating here 🤣

Anyone can become secure, anyone can. Even if ur unattractive. U can’t change what u look like, but u can change how your perceived once they get to kno u.

If u can accept that like TRULY accept that. You’ll have it in the bag.

“A king didn’t get the crown by focusing on the queen, he got the crown by focusing on the crown. The queen joined him once he was king”

SeamoreBo0bz · 2024-09-23T00:34:09+00:00

not sure of your age but i was in a very similar spot as you. im now 40.

it hit me probably a few months ago when i looked back on my younger years when, in college,

three times in college had a legit 9/10 cold approach me or hit on me
girl cold approached on my 2nd day at uni
was banging my petite gf at the time several times a week and you could tell her friends were welcoming.
played intramural tackle football, pads & all. 10 week schedule.
almost slept with a gorgeous brunette i really liked.
was flirting with this legitimate 9.5/10 (emily) and, because i didnt have the right mindset and bc of upbringing, could hardly ever close the deal, for some reason didnt have the confidence with her or any other 9/10
hopped on tinder in 2014 and fucked 20-22.5 girls off of it (one girls dad was home at the time but he was blind or deaf, one of the two, so he didnt hear/see shit lmao) he was just downstairs in his recliner chillin the whole time while i fucked his daughter 1 floor up
looking back, missed out on tons of girls dropping hints

realized years later, after medication, several MD's & a psychologist, that my parents had been playing mind games the entire time i grew up, weaponizing any "weakness" i had against me, mother constantly lying and being a psychopath, dad playing mind games to this day, tons more.

but looking back i have no idea how i ever questioned if i was attractive. that stuff doesnt happen to unattractive men. it simply too a long time - about two decades - to untangle all of the bad "circuitry" instill in me growing up

i think the college atmosphere helped keep me in a good spot but when it went away, the traumas from my upbringing easily surfaced (i didnt know i had), and things went very down hill.

XISOEY · 2024-09-23T10:29:58+00:00

I hit a major growth spurt at the tail end of puberty, at the end of which I turned out a tall, slim, blonde guy with high cheekbones and chiseled jawline. Which was a far cry from the dumpy, loser, unathletic gamer kid I had been my whole life.

It's taken me a fucking long ass time to align how I look and how others perceive me with how I feel inside, and I'm still not quite there. Throughout my college days I flubbed so much pussy it's fucking insane. Beautiful girls that were showing so much interest and just there for the taking. I was pretty good at talking to girls and being confident, charming, but I was fucking allergic to actually pulling the trigger at the end of the night. I think a lot of that came from the incongruence between how others saw me and how I saw myself.

I just craved the validation that the girls gave me, and was too much of a coward to be clear about my intentions and interest. I was scared of real intimacy. In the end, it basically resulted in me only getting below-my-league pussy, since the girls I was most attracted to made me feel like a "fraud."

CrazyRepulsive8244 · 2024-09-23T01:49:14+00:00

People tell me I'm attractive, I think I'm about average or slightly above average for my age. I don't really care either way. It all goes in one ear and out the other. I'm happy with myself, and I'm happy I'm as lucky as I am ending up with what I've got. All of my successes have been majority real life encounters, where it matters. 90% of the women I've wanted, I've gotten. So what does it matter? You'll never be attractive to everybody. And you'll be attractive to somebody. People's preferences are so vast.

In the end the only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself and that was easy for me to do once I stopped caring how people perceive me. Maybe I'd worry more if I needed the validation of having a 9/10 gf but honestly the prettier a woman is the more drama or the less personality. I like a nice 7-8. Which seem to go for me just fine.

Moral of the story is it doesn't matter. Lose the social conditioning.

Dandys3107 · 2024-09-23T07:26:29+00:00

I suspect it may have something to do with dwelling too much in digital world, where reality can be distorted in many ways and is often presenting only the top version of the matter. Or maybe it is your environment that is taking you down, consciously or subconsciously, to put you in place which they think it would be the best for them. If you can put away computers and Internet for a moment and take some distance from your usual company and surroundings, you may get completely different perspective on yourself and the world. Step out of your comfort zone, get to know new people, be on your own, get deep involved in the matters of real world and real people.

floaton345 · 2024-09-23T08:35:36+00:00

This is cute. Posting is a good first step.

floaton345 · 2024-09-23T08:35:50+00:00

also you sound hot, idk if that's helpful

Affectionate_Put2292 · 2024-09-23T12:00:15+00:00

Watch YouTube videos on how to smell good as a man trust man I used to have the same problem that’s one issue I resolved smell good work on yourself and you will be confident trust

DDDystopia666 · 2024-09-23T14:34:27+00:00

I'm not sure what I am, but I have healthy self esteem (despite struggling with depression and anxiety). Just understand that everyone is different and they bring various things to the table helps. Don't prescribe to things like not being attractive enough to talk to certain people or something like that. My last..gf, was apparently attractive enough that, 4 friends didn't even believe I was dating her😔. I enjoy talking to all people and have sufficient confidence to talk to beautiful women like I do anyone else. This has helped my self-esteem quite a bit - looking at people as individuals and maintaining a judgment free disposition. Accept your place in the universe 🙂‍↔️. Maybe try going to gym and building some health habits too? Things to help build confidence.

Turbulent_Cry3134 · 2024-09-23T14:38:38+00:00

Become attractive,

AshyBoneVR4 · 2024-09-23T15:25:23+00:00

I started accepting myself. You avcept yourself, you live ypurself, you stop caring about how other people think about you. You gain confidence.

deadvoldo · 2024-09-23T16:06:03+00:00

I'm not sure I'm secure yet but I'm going to tell you, the day a lady, my type hit on me, flirted with me and responded to my flirting. That was what made me realize all the effort I've been putting in, is actually working. Now it's just unlearning some bad habits. I definitely feel way more confident and secure in myself now

Only_Entertainer_142 · 2024-09-23T16:55:35+00:00

Honestly I’m still insecure, as everyone I date leaves pretty soon. Though I have kissed some gorgeous women

SaturdaysAFTBs · 2024-09-23T19:37:49+00:00

Post college I had a major glow up and since then every passing year I feel more and more confident on my appearance. The moment it really hit me was when I was 28 and walked into a bar with a few friends and noticed half the girls on the dance floor eyeing me up and dancing around me. I had my pick of the litter that night and took home the hottest one with what seemed like very little effort. Like anyone I’ve had periods of up and down where I feel less confident, then periods where I’m almost too confident. I went on a successful first date a few nights ago where the girl (shortly after we kissed) said I was too confident and she thought I was a player. This was after a comment I made about wanting to rip her clothes off if we were in private.. but then she ended up going home with me in the end. I’ve found that if you confidently say something and keep the confidence, it almost doesn’t matter what you say. If you say something weird, you can like “over confidence” you’re way out of it to make it work.

casual_tease_ · 2024-09-23T20:25:02+00:00

Have you ever looked at photos of your younger self and thought: aww I was cute!… well, that happened to me when I was looking back at my photos from when I was in my 20’s and thought of all the fun I could have had if I hadn’t been that much in my own head. I’m now in my thirties and hoping to make my future self happy cause now I’m enjoying things and I think a also my past self and my future self are happy we’re doing it. :)

Competitive-Pop6530 · 2024-09-23T22:01:36+00:00

Look in the mirror. Accepting fond glances from the opposite or same sex (depending upon your preference), and reminding yourself if the experience by inventorying prior to going to sleep.

LegendaryZTV · 2024-09-23T22:33:44+00:00

Went from 380 to 230, & became a gym goer who’s 6’3” so the shift from being “overlooked” to being a guy who’s been asked for his number (because I was too damn slow to make a move), I’ll tell you what helped me

Best thing I learned thru all of this was that I was so misinformed on how women respond & why, & what comes with being considered an attractive man.

One thing to remember is you’re the prize. Put yourself on a pedestal, but don’t inflate your ego. Just use that info to be more selective & remember that attraction goes beyond looks & goes both ways… meaning while you want to be attractive, you want to make sure she’s worth pursuing. Don’t just be happy to have her attention

For a more proper breakdown, the only YouTube channel that legit helped me & opened my mind to this perspective is Danny Vera. He has a whole series on “Handsome Guy Game” aka how to operate & navigate as an attractive man. It’s only like 3 or 4 10mins videos if you wanna

DrinksAreOnTheHouse · 2024-09-24T01:10:33+00:00

You just need to experience your effect on the external world consistently enough to rely on the data

foopig · 2024-09-23T11:01:40+00:00

By knowing the fact that everyone I’m finding attractive is because of their confidence only.

CrazyRepulsive8244 · 2024-09-23T01:49:20+00:00

People tell me I'm attractive, I think I'm about average or slightly above average for my age. I don't really care either way. It all goes in one ear and out the other. I'm happy with myself, and I'm happy I'm as lucky as I am ending up with what I've got. All of my successes have been majority real life encounters, where it matters. 90% of the women I've wanted, I've gotten. So what does it matter? You'll never be attractive to everybody. And you'll be attractive to somebody. People's preferences are so vast.

In the end the only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself and that was easy for me to do once I stopped caring how people perceive me. Maybe I'd worry more if I needed the validation of having a 9/10 gf but honestly the prettier a woman is the more drama or the less personality. I like a nice 7-8. Which seem to go for me just fine.

Moral of the story is it doesn't matter. Lose the social conditioning.

Title	Former insecure people when /how did you accept you are attractive?
Author	KD_42
Upvotes	41
Comments	36
Date	September 23, 2024 12:24 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1fn7uri/former_insecure_people_when_how_did_you_accept/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/former-insecure-people-when-how-did-you-accept-you.1531089 https://theredarchive.com/post/1531089

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