How to date without drinking

drewster23 · 2025-09-30T21:54:56+00:00

Just tell them beforehand that you don't drink but are happy to go to a bar.

Springing it on them once you're already there ordering drinks..that you don't drink...would be ill advised.

Certain_Process_7657 · 2025-09-30T22:13:23+00:00

Tbh drinking is a huge part of early stage dating for most people. Alcohol lowers inhibitions and it loosens you up. That's the main reason people do it in general, but especially when meeting a new person they might otherwise be a little nervous around.

That doesn't mean it's not possible to date successfully without it. Just a fair warning it's going to be much harder in general. It's like driving a car without automatic power steering. Yes of course it's possible, but noticeably more cumbersome and requires more effort.

Your best bet is probably going to be to date a woman who doesn't drink at all or very little (never has more than 2, a true "social drinker"). Women are very conscious around new guys so she's going to be judging herself for drinking and/or assuming you're judging her.

Also in general it's not typically very ethical to hook up (especially the first time) with a woman if you're totally sober and she's pretty intoxicated. So if you're not drinking at all and she's pounding 2-3 drinks an hour, that's not exactly kosher and she probably won't feel comfortable doing that in front of you.

I agree that drinks at a bar ar the best first date idea, but be prepared to answer the question of why you don't drink and her confusion of why you asked to meet at a bar given you're sober.

What are you looking to get out of dating? Casual sex within the first 2-3 dates or actually develop a deep emotional connection and find a potential wife? If it's the first, it's going to be next to impossible to find such an arrangement without drinking. I'd say in America over 90% of women who would sleep with a guy within the first date or 2 are not sober. Just saying there's a very high correlation between chicks who are open to casual sex and drinking.

For context, I'm a 33 yr old guy with a high double digit body count. Been on over 400 first dates in my life and nearly all of them were drinks at a bar. I can count on one hand how many women (2) I've slept with for the first time where we were both totally sober. I don't think I've ever been on a date with a woman who never drinks alcohol at all.

MoneyPop8800 · 2025-09-30T22:42:34+00:00

For dating while I’m on a health kick, i will usually order one drink with alcohol, and always the first drink. Typically something clear like tequila soda or gin and tonic. From there I’ll move to club soda for the rest of the night.

I do at least one drink for multiple reasons:

Makes you appear normal: you don’t want the first conversation to be “why don’t you drink” “what made you decide that”, etc. this is especially important if you don’t drink due to something weird like being an alcoholic, religious, medical issue, etc. if any of these strange circumstances are the reason you can’t drink alcohol, I would suggest choose a different venue for a first date.
If you drink, she’ll drink: it’s simple, if you’re having a drink, it’s implied she will. By not having alcohol, you open up the door to her not drinking, which you’d like to avoid. Alcohol loosens people up and is a great social lubricant. Also not to mention some woman turn into sluts the minute they have some alcohol. You want this, this is good.
Confidence boost: this being said, you don’t want all your confidence to come from alcohol, this will end badly. However, a little alcohol can definitely up your game if used wisely. At a minimum purchase the drink, and take as needed.

Traditional_Guava639 · 2025-10-01T02:45:33+00:00

Who cares. Be yourself. If you dont drink, say that and own it. Get a coke, club or mocktail. Be authentic. That is sexy. Dont need to justify anything either. I myself dont drink much but will have a drink here and there but I dont care if someone else drinks around me. I do hate the loud crowd drunk bars though. Maybe take them to a higher end place that isnt as binge drinking like

ramsfan00 · 2025-09-30T21:50:43+00:00

I would suggest a "mocktail". Its a cocktail without alcohol. Some bars specialize in mocktails, especially ones that already serve cocktails. It makes you "fit in" more and the other person won't potentially feel judged as much drinking as you sort of are in a way.

tilldeathdoiparty · 2025-09-30T22:27:38+00:00

I have been sober for five years and have dated through, fake beers and mocktails will save you.

Kierenbrowncoach · 2025-10-01T07:46:21+00:00

You don’t need booze to create chemistry. Alcohol is just a shortcut most people lean on because it lowers nerves and smooths out awkward silences. But if you’re a man who can carry a conversation, flirt with ease, and generate that spark without a shot of tequila, you’re already ten steps ahead of the competition. Women don’t want another generic night of sloppy cocktails with some guy who leans on liquid courage. They want to feel something, and that’s where your vibe replaces the vodka.

Now, about bars. They’re not evil. Bars are social spaces with energy, music, and people-watching built in. If you like the atmosphere, go for it. Order a Coke with lime and own it. The key is not acting apologetic about it. If you hesitate or explain yourself like you’re weird for not drinking, she’ll mirror that energy. But if you say it with a grin, you’ve flipped it into intrigue.

That said, don’t chain yourself to bars. The best dates are adventures, not interviews across a sticky table. Take her somewhere with movement and energy. A rooftop with live music, a late-night dessert spot, an arcade, a walk through a lively market. Even a park with good coffee can feel electric if you know how to flirt, tease, and lead the experience. The venue is just a prop. You are the show.

You don’t need alcohol to create attraction. You need confidence, presence, and the ability to spark emotions in her. Whether you’re sipping whiskey or sparkling water, she’ll remember how you made her feel, not what was in your glass.

Athror · 2025-09-30T22:03:56+00:00

if my date just ordered water i would be fine, as long as she is happy and we can talk and get to know each other...(i'm a man, 31yo)

If you feel it is such a big problem for you, just tell him/her: "Let's go to a bar, but just to tell you, I don't drink alcohol!"

Sebastes-aleutianus · 2025-09-30T22:35:40+00:00

How to live without drinking?

Illustrious_Size610 · 2025-09-30T22:38:09+00:00

I have never gone to a bar for a date and have never drunk alcohol on a date. And it hasn’t stop me from getting laid.

The belief that alcohol must be involved to get laid or anything is just a self-limiting belief created by social conditioning.

You don’t need to go to a bar at all. The only reason guys want to get alcohol involved is because they want a trick to losen inhibitions but when you naturally are good at flirting and connect with the woman naturally you don’t any trick like that to losen inhibitions because there are no inhibitions.

You can go anywhere you want on a date and arill get laid. You can even go to a park and just sit on a bench with no drinks of any kind involved and still get laid.

Heck you don’t even need to go anywhere at all, you can just invite her to your place for dinner and still get laid.

icedcoffeeheadass · 2025-09-30T22:56:24+00:00

I would suggest looking for other people that don’t drink

BarrenParadise · 2025-09-30T23:25:17+00:00

I’m sober, I have been for quite awhile now I completely abstain from everything and it hasn’t been for me yet. Sometimes I will still go out with people that get wasted and I have a good time even though I’m not partaking. It depends on the crowd.

Also I have dated women who need alcohol in order to cut loose or have a good time, I would avoid those situations if I were you. Unless you are just looking for casual sex.

PhotoGuyOC_DFW · 2025-09-30T23:58:30+00:00

Most bars have at least one alcohol free beer you can drink.

Adorable45Deplorable · 2025-10-01T00:00:56+00:00

I am learning to.have fun without partaking. Honestly I am at the point where if a woman needs booze to let loose and be sexual when I'm raw dogging it and white knuckling it and she has a problem with me doing it my way (not drinking) then she ain't worth my time. And I am really not trying to be choosy.

ciscokid12345 · 2025-10-01T00:05:17+00:00

Sober 7 years and always did first dates like let’s grab a coffee / tea and walk around the promenade. Lunch dates worked well too.

If you’re both being playful and having fun, I will typically say “hey, do you want to make out?”

In my experience, being absolutely direct works 90% of the time.

Unique-Trade356 · 2025-10-01T00:21:35+00:00

Ice cream dates and some thing else like a walk or museum

lostsoul8282 · 2025-10-01T01:47:43+00:00

Go for physical dates. Go on a walk and explore a part of the city together. It’s different and fun.

Even at a restaurant if you don’t drink it’s not a problem. It’s a bit odd if you go to a bar but not the end of the world.

Designer-County-9550 · 2025-10-01T02:33:03+00:00

I've been sober 12 years

When I think first date, I think "somewhere open where we can talk and get to know one anther" -- so like mini golf and bowling. A lot of people poo-poo movies on a first date, but as a film school graduate, this is a super viable option for anyone who wants to date me

MsJenX · 2025-10-01T05:41:17+00:00

You can go to a coffee shop instead.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-10-01T11:53:43+00:00

I dont drink either. It is not a problem. Just get water or orange juice and say you are the one driving

nmsftw · 2025-10-01T19:05:34+00:00

Order a club soda and cranberry juice or something. Don’t bring it up it’s not really an issue to you.

If anyone questions it just say you’re feeling dehydrated or something like that.

I have a friend who doesn’t drink and he just says I don’t find it’s enjoyable and usually that ends the questions.

Tragedyofthe · 2025-10-03T15:08:12+00:00

I used to not drink at all (I drink a little now), but I usually suggest going out for boba (young women love it these days) and then doing a cheap activity like bowling. Competitive activities also lower any awkwardness between you and your date.

Ajs339 · 2025-09-30T23:50:20+00:00

The chics at AA are easy.

Life-Income2986 · 2025-09-30T21:58:51+00:00

I've run your question through my simulation and here's what it came up with.

'Hello, I've just met you, let's go to a bar. Oh I don't drink. You drink up though. Drink lots. Hey! Where are you going?'

Sounds great

Title	How to date without drinking
Author	ConnectionSame5401
Upvotes	44
Comments	68
Date	September 30, 2025 9:40 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1nuq581/how_to_date_without_drinking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-date-without-drinking.1563172 https://theredarchive.com/post/1563172

Comments