How to overcome approach anxiety?

theasianplayboy · 2024-08-27T19:03:35+00:00

Approach anxiety is something every guy has faced, which means that you can do it too. Even I had to battle through it when I started. To the point, this is basically like immersion therapy to manage your emotions and AA:

Start Small: Don’t go from zero to hitting on a supermodel in a single leap. Start by making small talk with everyone, and I mean everyone. Your goal isn’t to pick them up but to get used to starting conversations. Talk to the cashier, the barista, the dude at the bus stop. It’s all about building that social momentum.
Desensitize Yourself: Spend some time in environments where you’d want to approach women. If it’s a bar, go there regularly. If it’s a café, make it your new hangout spot. Just being in the environment will reduce the anxiety over time because it becomes familiar.
Use Observational Openers: Instead of overthinking the perfect line, use what’s around you. Comment on something about the environment or something she’s wearing or doing. “Hey, that book you’re reading looks interesting, what’s it about?” or “You seem like you know your coffee, what did you order?” These are non-threatening and easy to start with.
Practice the 3-Second Rule: When you see someone you want to approach, do it within three seconds. The longer you wait, the more your mind will come up with reasons not to. Just count to three and go.
Build a Rejection Mindset: Understand that rejection is not the end of the world. Make it a goal to get rejected a certain number of times. Each time you do, you’re one step closer to success because you’re training yourself to be resilient.
Visualize Success: Spend a few minutes each day visualizing yourself confidently approaching women, having a great conversation, and leaving the interaction feeling good. This primes your mind for success and reduces anxiety when you’re actually doing it.
Celebrate Small Wins: Don’t just focus on the outcome; celebrate the fact that you approached. Whether she’s interested or not, the fact that you pushed yourself to take action is a win. Recognize it and build on it.

Remember, every approach is practice. The more you do it, the less anxiety you’ll feel.

And the truth is, if you’re getting that kind of catcall from women (I get absolutely zero because I’m an ugly 5’5 Asian guy so I’ve trained myself to not look for IOIs and have learned to land women out of my league) means your SMV is probably above average. So your approaches, on average, are probably going to go better than a guy without your looks.

You’ll still get rejected, so learn to embrace rejection as a good thing, you just won’t be rejected as much as the rest of men.

norwegiandoggo · 2024-08-27T18:49:01+00:00

Have you done things you're afraid of before?

Like, jumping from the tallest plattform in the swimming pool? Learning how to swim? Learning how to bike? Doing public speaking? Giving a performance?

I'm sure you have. The process to overcoming approach anxiety is exactly the same

shinn497 · 2024-08-27T19:01:03+00:00

Start off with easy and go hard.

Level zero would be to start up a conversation with a woman that you can have with literally anyone else and are not flirting. Asking about the weather, time, or directions. If you want to practice this, you can even talk to people that are not attractive women.

Level one would be innocent compliment. Her shoes, or clothes, even hairstyle. You can even have the excuse that your sister or mother likes the same thing.

Level 2 would be a conversation. Try to talk to her about something for longer than a minute

Level 3 would be a longer conversation try to talk for 5-10 minutes

Level 4 would be flirty conversation. Talk and drop in a compliment and some indicator of interest on your part

Level 5 would be a longer conversation , like 20-30 minutes. And try to leave her wanting more. Even if you don't close at least give the feeling that you two could have more fun with each other

Level 6 would be longer and flirty

Level 7 would be closing. I.e. number or insta date.

Level 8 would be a harder close, such as kiss or insta date with flirtation. This

Level 9 would be same day lay. And probably the highest level. Don't think you need to get here unless you are really good.

yourcousinrafa · 2024-08-27T21:39:37+00:00

Let me ask you, do you get anxious when offering help to an old lady with her bags? Probably not, right? That’s because in that moment, you’re outward-focused—you’re being of service, thinking about her needs, not your own.

So here’s a quick solution you're looking for: apply that same outward mindset to everyone, including girls. Reframe your interactions as opportunities to give, not take. How do you do that with girls? Well, can you make her laugh or smile? Can you hold a door? Can you offer a genuine compliment? Can you build her up just a little? The words you use aren’t as important as the intention and energy behind them.

And do it without expecting anything in return. Do it simply because you can.

NathanTR92 · 2024-08-27T20:59:12+00:00

This is my trick:

Aim for success rate, not success every time.

Instead of thinking "I gotta nail my next approach" everytime, I set goals like "I gotta nail 1 out of my 5 approaches today" and that's it. Makes it much easier and much more motivated.

Additional-Soil-3661 · 2024-08-27T22:29:22+00:00

one good way is to competely crowd ur brain with hype up afirmations before going to talk to a girl and not let any negative thoughts appear, if they do bury them with hype up ones then just walk up to a girl and talk

for example you saId "overthink every little detail" one thing you don't realize is you can control your thoughts. you can bury unwanted thoughts with better ones. try it right now. put the phone down and think to yourself "i'm attractive as hell" for 2 minutes straight. you will be shocked to find out you have control

Sandvicheater · 2024-08-27T22:32:13+00:00

With my old buddy Jack Daniels

DaygameCode · 2024-08-27T23:33:29+00:00

Anxiety just wants you to be ready for catastrophic outcomes that may or may not happen. Anxiety will only relax if she feels that you have under control those negative outcomes. So what you do is just that, get ready.

Potential bad outcomes anxiety predicts:

The woman may say it’s weird to cold approach strangers in the street.

If you do something you need to own it, and if she questions what you do, you need to show absolute confidence that you are sure of what you are doing and never being apologetic about it. Double down if necessary or use sarcasm:

Double down : “That’s me, the king of weirdness”, “There is weird, there is the king of weirdness and then there is me on a whole other level”

Sarcasm: “You are absolutely right who needs real life conversations, when we have emojis to create the most honest and authentic connection” or “You’re right, talking to strangers? What am i, a social anarchist?” or “You’re right, talking face to face? What type of barbaric behavior is this? Next thing, you know i’ll be sending smoke signals”

The woman if she is clearly way younger than you may question whether an older person like you should actually hit on her.

Don’t convince her with logic that age doesn’t matter, instead change her mood with a joke to make her laugh and reduce her defences:

Exaggeration as a joke if you are not actually that old: “Yeah, I am so old, i could be running for president of the united states” or “Yeah, I literally just escaped the seniors home for one last adventure”, “

If you are indeed very very old: “”Old enough to know better, young enough to still do it anyway” “Yeah, i’m like the vintage collection edition” or “I can’t wait for you dad’s reaction when you call me daddy”

The woman may accuse you of being creepy or invading her personal space.

This is more avoid preventing, rather than fixing. You want to avoid being perceived as creepy by knowing first what is it that makes it creepy, which is not revealing intentions instantly and not asking for permission to talk.

You wanna avoid starting a conversation casually for no reason like “hey how is it going, you come here often? what do you do for fun?” because the girl is thinking “why is he asking me this personal stuff, what does he want? Can i go or will he harass me?”

She is feeling wary and is only responding politely as she evaluates the situation, so the can make you be perceived as creepy. There are more reasons why she could think you are creepy which can be avoided but i won’t get into that now. Just say your intentions in the opener, ask her if that’s cool with her and then you may ask some questions.

There are more situations anxiety fears could happen like:

The woman may be in a relationship and her partner may confront you for hitting on her.
The woman may assume you have ulterior motives, like trying to scam her or get something from her.
The woman may reject you in a way that draws attention, causing others around you to witness the rejection.
The woman may report you to authorities or security, viewing your approach as harassment.
The woman may respond rudely or mockingly, making you feel embarrassed or humiliated.
The woman may give you a harsh or aggressive rejection, leaving you feeling defensive or upset.

But i won’t get into how to solve all of these to reduce your anxiety here cuz it’s too much writing, just book a free coaching session with me here, and i’ll give you practical tips for all the rest of the situations.

Amazing_Noise_5945 · 2024-08-27T20:23:30+00:00

Guys I have a question. My friend said direct opener " hey I think you are cute" either get you instant attraction, or you crash and burn. All the attractions are built within 7 seconds. The conversations after won't build any more attraction. I don't agree because I think if the girls aren't very interested at first I can still use humor during conversations to build attraction. Who do you agree guys?

Tensti · 2024-08-27T22:27:32+00:00

Walk to your crush say fuck it and talk to them

Khower · 2024-08-27T22:33:31+00:00

I do and say things that are conversational and don't lay it on thick immediately off the rip. Sometimes people react poorly but it allows me to squarely look at them as the problem because who reacts poorly to a compliment or a conversational opener? Someone I don't want to know.

Worried-One2399 · 2024-08-27T22:35:55+00:00

It’s hard, it gets me anxious… makes me stumble when I first start. But after the 4th, all the kinks work themselves out. It goes as it should, u have to just jump w/ both feet in, every once in a while I’ll pre-text my statements. But I think if u just walk up to women & ask her name, where she’s from, how long she’s lived here, wat she does for her job/occupation. U can tangent off of those questions to get her talking more

Waveless3211 · 2024-08-28T01:13:37+00:00

I just mentally forced myself to do it and it didnt go too well, but I was glad I did it regardless because the mental block went away.

natetooka · 2024-08-28T05:22:39+00:00

A girl saying “he’s sexy af” right next to you as you walk past her is basically her saying she’ll fuck you tonight

Chicagoj1563 · 2024-08-28T14:34:00+00:00

Practice mixing self amusement with being unfiltered. Develop a mindset that you won't judge yourself negatively, no matter what happens.

The main thing is to take social risks, remove the filter that you currently have, and never take anything personally. Then just practice. Have fun with it.

It's not anything more than that. It's not complicated. But you have to stretch yourself. You can't just do what is already comfortable, you won't grow from that. Take some risks, and have fun with it. Remove the filter, free associate, make jokes, self amuse, etc...

Just walk up to women, say whatever to open a conversation, then have fun. Joke around. Say whatever comes to mind. Pick on them. Pick on yourself. Mix it in with normal conversation.

Do it to amuse yourself, not to prove anything to anyone. Don't put on an act. Just be your authentic self with a good vibe.

RobustMastiff · 2024-08-28T03:11:48+00:00

Approach

YoungLondoner95 · 2024-08-28T08:37:36+00:00

The ty yyyyyoyt guy yyyyyytyyg

Title	How to overcome approach anxiety?
Author	YoungLondoner95
Upvotes	43
Comments	34
Date	August 27, 2024 6:32 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1f2ogtu/how_to_overcome_approach_anxiety/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-overcome-approach-anxiety.1528574 https://theredarchive.com/post/1528574

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