I can't wrap my head around preselection?

norwegiandoggo · 2026-07-17T14:27:26+00:00

How does preselection/mate choice copying work in recurring environments (gym, cafés, climbing gyms, sports clubs, etc.) where you regularly see the same people?

The same as everywhere else. Preselection simply means that they notice or hear that other women find you attractive.

If you're trying to build genuine social proof over time, what actually has the biggest effect?

Getting earned status at the venue or just in life with your career. At the gym, you have status and social proof if you're the top Personal Trainer at the gym. Out and about, you might have status because you have a cool high-status job. Such as being a neurosurgeon, a lawyer, or a pilot. This indirectly taps into her knowledge that "other women find men with these jobs attractive, therefore I should also find it attractive".

Having female friends in general is a good look. As long as you come across as the "cool male friend" and not the "gay or asexual safe guy".

In general, you should not really try to manufacture preselection. You should concern yourself with social status (yes) but preselection itself - don't stress about it. You don't need it. It's a nice free bonus, but manufactured / faked preselection will often backfire.

The most common mistake guys make with preselection is flirting with other women in front of their target. They think that this will make them seem like they have preselection. It often does the opposite. It makes them seem desperate to put their penis in everyone.

Remember: Preselection is when other women want you. NOT when you want other women. HUGE difference. Your actions should indirectly communicate that other women want you. But not that you want other women.

Remarkable_Outside67 · 2026-07-17T14:47:26+00:00

In my case, what helped the most was simply going out and meeting women. Social media just made that easier.

For example, you go out to eat, post a picture of the place, maybe another one where it's obvious you're with someone. People start seeing that you're social, that you actually go out and have a life. Whether we like it or not, that shapes how they perceive you.

And from my experience, women are constantly projecting and imagining what being with you would be like, even if some of them deny it.

You're at the gym training with a female friend? They notice.

You're always out doing things instead of sitting at home? They notice that too.

Little by little, they start seeing you differently.

Realwoujo · 2026-07-17T15:13:44+00:00

Here's my "hot take" - trying to build "social proof" is a waste of time. If you are generally a cool, social person you will eventually make friends and people will get to know you, but you also need to be able to talk to girls without "help" from other people. And going out of your way to be seen with other girls is lame, insecure behavior.

I also think preselection is overrated. A girl will become slightly more interested in you because she saw another girl show interest in you, but that's not really enough to tip the scale.

throwawayofc1112 · 2026-07-17T16:07:56+00:00

Preselection is just like being “pre approved” and already seen as a viable option. In recurring environments multiple girls might like the same guy because others like him so they assume there’s a legit reason why

Key-Proud · 2026-07-17T14:51:53+00:00

So I like to bust everyone's balls and open everyone (guys and girls) - my purpose is to build momentum to get me closer and closer to present in the moment. This is associated to having high "self" esteem. Which reduces anxiety and insecurities. - busting peoples balls is me bantering with people (guys and girls) ... bantering is playfully challenging people. This is a form of "self" amusement. - busting peoples balls ... is me generating the giggles from within ... the giggles put me in a good mood. - so as I become more present in the moment the more outcome independent I become. - the more I open guys and girls (including girls I am not attracted to) gets me more and more treating everyone equally (even the girls and authority figures like rich guys) that are often placed on a pedesral... in fact the more hotter the girl is the more of these guys she interacts with at a daily bases, who puts her on a pedestal, magnifies her attraction to me. - opening all, to put me in a good mood and bring me closer to being present in the moment ... has social proof built in it.

This is my definition of charisma. Someone who doesnt suck value (due to being present) and also provides value (my good mood)

You know when this is working is when girls approach you and say "are you the owner of the place? I see you talking to everyone"

The neat thing is you behave like someone who is high status ... even if a girl has not seen you social proofing ... your behavior shows you probably a guy who has high status. - you know this when girls appeoaches you and say "i bet you you have talked to everyone here."

Just imagine my mood if I have already interacted with 10+ people ....

Also you know this working when girls approaches you. - the funny thing is the girl often has a guy following her... the guy repels the girl because he puts her on a pedestal (probably has a crush) ... magnifying her to me because i treat everyone equally. - the guy often panics when the girls keeps going to me ... he would even try to belittle me. When i am judt mining my own business having fun. - sometimes even the girl hopes that u rescue her from the guy... and percieves him too forward/aggressive.

Really fucked jedi mind trick shit because you get such a good high and in the zone of human peak performance when gaming. - getting your self in the present moment scientifically proven to release dopamine (feel good neurotransmitter and associated to getting yourelf to human peak performance)

I follow the same process in day game and in clubs and bars ... where it becomes my personality.

Edit: also when you watch hot girls in the bars and clubs .... you see them doing something similar.

Seduction...

eablokker · 2026-07-17T21:22:19+00:00

One obvious example could be wearing a wedding ring or engagement ring.

But the more practical thing is to mention it in conversation. As an example, complain that "Too many girls keep texting me all the time. It's so annoying. Why do they do that?" or a story like "Some girl I barely know keeps coming over and knocking at my door. What does she want from me?" It can even be a one-off comment, like look at your phone and make an out loud comment about it. Or complain that all the girls in the gym keep staring at you.

I think it's better if you're complaining about it rather than trying to show off, like look how cool I am, I have women interested in me. I think it's better if its like I'm annoyed by this, why wont they leave me alone.

And you know you've heard girls complain about guys in this way! Just copy how they say it.

HomelessMilkman · 2026-07-18T09:35:13+00:00

Superficial forms of pre-selection are nonsense. Behavioural (real, honest) preselection is based on conveying confidence and charisma.

Just walk into the club, alone, full of strangers and go be outgoing, expressive, fun, charismatic. You typically can't because there's social pressure, uncertainty, more succinctly you don't know what you're 'allowed' to get away with and feel vulnerable, so you hold yourself back.

Being tense, reactive, hypervigilant, sensitive, etc. conveys that fact. You don't know where you stand, you've not got this internal sense of permission to express yourself freely, you've got no 'preselection'.

What if this wasn't your first time? What if you had approval in the same or similar situations beforehand? Preselection is having an advantage where it's easier for me to convey confidence, status, be outgoing, expressive, carefree if I'm established, accepted, and approved of behaving that way beforehand - I don't fear negative social consequences - in comparison to you walking in socially inexperienced and don't know anybody.

It's building rapport and familiarity within the environment, which is a massive boost to confidence inside the interaction. Guys just want to 'snipe' the one girl they like and dismiss the wider context, but the context is more oppressive than the girl herself. The more status you feel within context, the more free and liberated you are, the more attraction you'll get - admittedly, it does scale to social approval but starts from within.

Nervous-Arrogance · 2026-07-17T14:25:03+00:00

I have only used it in night game.

I am guessing if you at a club, being seen talking to women, is better than being a mono by yourself.

Extreme-Bid-5989 · 2026-07-23T12:18:26+00:00

Preselection basically means other girls are assuming you are high value male because of other girls are with you. This works in any enviroment. You can build up social proof overtime but it's easier to look at it as different occasions and situations. Overtime it works the same but just in a bigger timeframe.

Whenever you are with other women you are 1 step ahead of any other guy without women. You still can ruin it by failing shit tests and bad bodylanguage and stuff so look into that too.

Accomplished_Egg_928 · 2026-07-17T16:10:37+00:00

My mate works in this restaurant and at least 4 female FOH staff have the hot's for him. They compete for his attention and all four of them tried to get him to go out with them all (including a 5some). That's pre-selection

Girls also watch how other girls look and interact with a guy, and feel like they are missing out if it looks like she is having fun.

-Rixi · 2026-07-18T01:55:07+00:00

be rich

No-Forever-7283 · 2026-07-24T02:36:02+00:00

I slept with one of the most attractive girl at my workplace because I was flirting with her, but she also saw me flirting with two other girls. It made her jealous and want to chase. This isn’t the first time it happened. I feel like being a guy that can just flirt or talk to a lot of girls is its own version of preselection.

Narrow-Order4408 · 2026-07-18T04:56:05+00:00

As an actual woman, let me explain preselection from our side.

Its not about being a player or having options. What preselection really signals to a woman is: other women have vetted you and found you safe.

Think about it. If multiple women have chosen to be with you, it means youre not a threat. You understand women. Youre emotionally stable. You know how to treat a partner.

Its the same reason women ask their friends for dating advice. We value social proof. It reduces risk.

The guy who has female friends who genuinely like him? That is WAY more attractive than the guy who claims to be a ladies man but has zero female friends.

If you want to understand female psychology on a deeper level, I wrote a book about it. Link in my bio.

Title	I can't wrap my head around preselection?
Author	alphahxuse
Upvotes	37
Comments	47
Date	July 17, 2026 2:19 PM UTC (1 month ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1uz13xu/i_cant_wrap_my_head_around_preselection/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-cant-wrap-my-head-around-preselection.1585264 https://theredarchive.com/post/1585264

Comments