I hate myself for being effeminate

garlopf · 2021-11-18T20:56:19+00:00

I feel you bro... my consolidation is the fact that the two people I know that banged the most chicks are both very effeminate. They are both of slight figure, soft spoken and delicate. They are emotional and have no 'real man' hobbies or traits of any kind.

This makes them very harmless and approachable by girls, they get to talk about intimate emotional subjects very easily. They both have a horde of female friends.

But they are not afraid to sneak the subject of sex on to the table. They do it in this sneaky playful way, joking around with it, flirty but subtle, and usually after a few glasses of wine, suddenly they are kissing passionately...

I remember one of them joking that his best pickup trick was that the girls didn't believe him when when he said he was straight, so he would take her home and prove it. To her surprise he was 100% straight 😁

My point is don't fret over this. If you accept the way you are and own it, focus on building confidence in yourself instead of tearing yourself down, there is lots of potential...

2021-11-19T02:56:26+00:00

Don't worry about being effeminate. I do believe gender and sexuality to an extent is fluid and you need to embrace who you are and have fun with it!

I've had girls tell me I'm girlie when my wrist hangs low a certain way, and then we'd be getting freaky at a party. Just own it.

Corvus-Nepenthe · 2021-11-18T21:56:43+00:00

Did your mother ever shame you for masculine behavior, or was she generally angry at men?

Boys without male role models—especially those with angry mothers—can have a real hard time discovering the qualities of their own healthy masculinity. Speaking from experience here.

Might be worth talking to a therapist about. Also speaking from experience here.

You’re in more company than you know, friend.

TacoTruk97 · 2021-11-18T23:32:21+00:00

Seek help my guy, I mean this in a sincere kind way. You have to take care of your mental before you start down a road of virtues. Master the virtue of self love and self awareness first. Then go on to other “manly” pursuits. I want to add that you aren’t alone, even men who are younger (as I am (24) and I assume you are) don’t feel like men in these times. We are regarded as adult boys.

Our fathers and other male figures were built in harder times than us resulting in an easy times for us to be raised. As a result we became soft, and it is up to us to carve our destiny and fabricate our own struggle. This can be achieved through discipline, rigorous physical activity, and mental virtues. I recommend you take the following steps.

Seek professional help( this is a common theme today and is nothing to be ashamed of)
1. Exercise( this part will awake hidden potential in you I promise) don’t get crazy with it, just start of with basic calisthenics.
Read read read( example. Of what I think you might be interested in: Can’t hurt me(David Goggins) Art of manliness series(Brett mckay) mastery of love(Miguel Ruiz).

My final thought to you is simple, there isnt something wrong with you. The mainstream ideas of manliness are superficial and rudimentary. Read those books and look into historically manly figures and you’d be surprised what their virtues were. There is more to being a man than swinging an axe, working on cars, or lifting heavy weight.

douchebag716 · 2021-11-19T01:32:54+00:00

I think some of your problem might be that you're mixing up dominant ,hyper-masculinity with confidence. If you're more effeminate, work on loving yourself for the way you are and go into the world with your head held high. Lots of effeminate men are complete babe magnets- a commonly used example I've heard used today is Machine Gun Kelly. Dudes banging Megan Fox and he's embraced his not-so-masculine side.

Take the time to figure out who you are and then own it man. You got this

unicorntears13 · 2021-11-19T08:05:02+00:00

Just own who you are! Every post on here is of men telling men how to be X Y and Z like there’s a formula but they forget that women are human beings too??? Like we have different tastes and preferences just like men, sometimes even a wider range of taste if I’m being honest. All my girl friends throughout my life have such a variety of taste in men. Just be yourself and that confidence and energy will attract your person and even your clan! I personally love effeminate men because they’re genuine and not trying to be what society expects of them. Because i also remember that men are humans just like me and they are gonna have all kinds of traits not just masculine. My man is muscular and strong and he’s a fitness trainer but I love that he has both feminine and masculine traits. And when I see he is in need of comfort I hold him and let him know it’s ok to feel what he’s feeling and he’s so receptive I love that about him. Us talking about how we are feeling and having real conversations is something that has brought us closer together and we’ve been together for 12 years. Seriously guys don’t overthink it. We are humans just like you and nothing in this world is black and white or binary. We are not much different than men we are all just trying to find someone who understands us and how can we do that if we aren’t being genuine. Go to events and local activities, bookstores etc. and make friends with people. You never know who might end up being more than a friend :)

Also remember there are shitty people of all shapes and sizes. I’ve seen people around me get cheated on, humiliated, betrayed, dehumanized etc. from both men and women. A person will have history, traumas, baggage you name it, and that can sometimes bleed into relationships. How someone treats you is not a reflection of you it’s a reflection of them. And how those behaviors manifest really depends on upbringing but don’t forget men and women are socialized very differently so that can also affect how the shitty behavior manifests. So use your judgement and intuition if you are interested in a person. And really get to know yourself. When you know what you stand for it’s easier to know what you deserve

Electrical_Milk_1370 · 2021-11-18T21:55:34+00:00

have you tried counselling?

appmanga · 2021-11-18T21:27:47+00:00

Just keep in mind there is someone for everyone, and every woman is different.

Astromythicist · 2021-11-18T21:48:35+00:00

I probably give off gay vibes as well. Though I am bisexual, so it's understandable (and not awful, I guess).

BannedKlondikeBar · 2021-11-18T22:47:11+00:00

Your upbringing is definitely having an effect on who you are now. The lack of positive, dominant male figures, and a domineering mother is the perfect recipe for damaging masculinity and promoting insecurity.

This will take a long time to fix. You grew up this way. Reversing it, and becoming a strong, masculine, and positive man will take work.

MO_drps_knwldg · 2021-11-19T01:25:34+00:00

It will be humbling and will make you uncomfortable at first, but I highly recommend marital arts or boxing.

That, plus therapy and reading.

Vaggs75 · 2021-11-19T04:04:55+00:00

As a child I used to wrestle with my father, and I think all mammals do that, lol. So if you didn't, I suggest you do it now. Sign up for martial arts, because what may seem normal to might be such a weird think for you. You don't need to be aggresive, but I think that aggresion should seem normal to you.

cyhigh · 2021-11-19T07:05:44+00:00

Learn the polarity of masculinity and simply BE it. It’s going to take subconscious effort but it doesn’t happen over night. Pursue purpose and go out a challenge yourself by placing yourself in situations where you’re going to encounter people.

Shadow__Account · 2021-11-19T10:54:19+00:00

I think it all starts with a shift in values and one of the values is to take responsibility for everything in your life. Its easy and appealing to be a victim and accept things, it’s hard and tough and very masculine to take responsibility for everything. And as cliche as it sounds, the more you are responsible for everything the less others or external factors have power over you. So if you don’t give your power away to others and other things and you will have all the power and you will feel it. No excuses anymore and everything is achievable. For example: “I am short and bald I won’t get women” this is the victim mindset it gives so much of your power away you are keeping yourself down from achieving your full potential. “Will she like me, will she still like me if I say this” all the same. Its a very very tough road to go on, but it’s worth every bit of the hardships because you will be the one that decides everything about your own life. Its taking the lead and being flamed by the sheep for sometimes making the wrong decisions and for failing. But you will learn to not hate the sheep and just see that they are jealous of the power and want it too but are not willing to take the negatives that come with it because they don’t understand that exactly these negatives, the failing and the rejections are what make you grow and become a man and powerful / rant. Hope it can maybe inspire a bit its going to be a real fucking long road but it can be your greatest achievement in life and what else is there better to do than to grow as a person and make your own life better. The best things are outside of your comfort zone. Just start small you don’t have to be Don Juan in a week. But maybe you can start by taking responsibility for little things that you were not doing and we’re looking to others for to lead or to take initiative and maybe that can jumpstart you

mrcloso · 2021-11-19T12:39:54+00:00

I grew up with a severe case of social phobia which intensified whenever I was around women. It was very hard for me growing up having to deal with social situations but eventually I was able to overcome it.

First thing I'd like to say to you is to not despise yourself for limitations you may have right now. OK, maybe you didn't have much awareness while growing up and wasn't able to do any better than you did but you're quite young and you have a lot of time to work on yourself. So start acting in a way that is more aligned with how you'd like yourself to be in the future. It is not easy, sometimes you will feel shame, anxiety, out of touch, weird, and so on... sometimes you will make mistakes but there are no alternatives, the sooner you do it, the better.

Second thing is that you could start some routine to become more manly. Try joining some fight gyms (jiu-jitsu, boxing, muay thai, kung fu are all good). Fighting is great becuse it makes you stronger, fix your body posture, develops physical and mental toughness, and helps you get rid of inhibitions.

Third thing is that you should be aware that we're all being influenced by social pressure somehow. There is always some people telling you how you should be and so on. Think for yourself and get rid of negative influence on your life in order to really figure out who YOU want to be.

Delicious-Clerk1875 · 2021-11-19T17:43:05+00:00

Being effeminate worked for many cultural icons including Prince. When you lean into your uniqueness and become more comfortable in your own skin, that’s what is more attractive and sexy to women. A real man by todays standards has changed considerably, so make sure you’re not holding yourself to a standard that basically doesn’t really even exist anymore! It sounds to me that your perceptions on yourself vs what a real man looks like is imbalanced. Be you. That’s all you’re here to do 🤍

Funny_Fix_3416 · 2021-11-19T20:34:04+00:00

I like feminine men

IBeSomebooty · 2021-11-20T15:48:06+00:00

im with you on that one, I was very young looking up until i hit 21, and looked feminine, i have dancing as a hobby which doesnt help, my mother was the only person in most of my life as well. but it doesn't stop you, i assume you look young, which older women find attractive, or cute. and some women fantasize about that. but i am still a dancer, and i've been with 30+ women, and feel like i've still haven't accomplished anything, been single for a few months and its getting to me, like oh no, it wont happen again. but i doubt it. keep ya head up

montanalombardy · 2021-12-14T12:41:42+00:00

The guy in my social group who is the most successful with girls is an effeminate guy. I think this is something that helps you stand out, not harms you, at all.

Mmm91for · 2021-11-18T22:56:39+00:00

You may believe one is born masculine or feminine but that’s not true, you’re simply a product of your environment. Learn from me if not my precepts for I was once in your position not too long ago. You must adopt a masculine frame. Observe how masculine men carry themselves and incorporate that intro your daily life.

This feminine behaviour has been bombarded to us by our teachers and parents. Children are the easiest to brainwash so now it has been easier more than ever for them to do. A lot of men who grew up with no father figure also adopt the characteristics of females as they only have their mother to learn from.

You may think you have no chance of changing.. this is far from the truth. Take this philosophy and run with it for the rest of your life, incorporate it to everything you do:

“What you think is what you become”

Many philosophers, teachers, poets, prophets, and great minds have argued about different philosophies, however they are in unanimous agreement with this one.

Marcus Aurelius (Roman emperor): “A mans life is what his thoughts makes of it.”

Benjamin Disraeli: “Everything comes if only a man waits. I brought my self with long meditation the conviction that a human being with a settles purpose must accomplish it and nothing can resist a will that will stay even existent for his fulfillment”

Ralph Waldo Emerson: “A man is what he thinks about all day long”

William James: “ The greatest discovery of my generation is human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitude of mind” …

… “we only need in cold blood act as if the thing in question were real and it will become infallibly real by growing in such a connection to our life that it will become real.”

As a man you must adopt the responsibility of the world and not run from it. Women follow not true men.

You can change if you want. You should change for the sake of the world. It is now more than ever that this world needs true men.

Just know; you don’t drown when you fall in the water… your drown when you stay there.

Astromythicist · 2021-11-18T23:23:17+00:00

Do you lift weights? Having muscle mass automatically makes a man look more masculine. (Yes, even very effeminate men.)

Magenta_Octopus · 2021-11-19T04:05:48+00:00

maybe take up karate or get a guy personal trainer to help you to learn a new way and grow to be less effeminate. spend time with guy friends and get used to that side of yourself. it's there, it's a part of who you are... just dormant because of your upbringing.

change your self talk from "I hate that I'm effeminate" to "I'm _________ (what you want to be)"

also I highly recommend watching the movie/documentary "The Secret" on YouTube. it is a life changer!

good luck and hugs!

StevenConfident · 2021-11-19T14:11:28+00:00

Okay, first off, read the Book of Pook. It's freely available online and touches on how to be a man better than most paid resources. And it sounds like you're exactly who that book was written for.

Next, check your testosterone levels. When low, they can have adverse effects on your mood and your mental well-being. Take whatever steps you can to correct them if need be.

If you want to be successful with women you have to become a real man.

Not just with women, in life as well. The nervous nice guy will never ask for that promotion or raise, just passively hope he will be recognized, but the confident dude who knows how much he's worth will.

I've always been a kinda effeminate guy, passive. I'm emotional and risk averse. And I despise myself for being this way.

Yep, those are feminine qualities. And it clashes with your masculine nature, which is why you're feeling like shit.

I can't think of any male role models during my childhood.

You can always find some now, look how they act and talk, and take from them whatever you need. Don't let your whole life be defined by your childhood.

Ukrpharm · 2021-11-19T00:50:40+00:00

Hop on supraphysiological TRT if you want more "agression", ofcourse if you find risk/benefits worth it

cannibalstreudel · 2021-11-19T01:02:59+00:00

https://youtu.be/XMroh2Eahk8

IGetBoredSometimes23 · 2021-11-20T06:35:48+00:00

Honestly, I've been wanting to make a post about this for a while, since I am into BDSM (soft dom) and really hate the whole "You MUST be dominant" bs that plagues the PUA community, especially when most of the people preaching it don't know how to be a Dom. They know how to be assholes, but suck at being dominant.

You don't have to be dominant to succeed with women. It's a waste of time to try to be someone you're not to find someone you're not even compatible with. You might meet someone in the short term but you'll be miserable long term. I know from experience.

You're a submissive, effeminate man. It is good that you can admit it. The way to increase your confidence and self esteem is to own it.

TikTok has become surprisingly good at showing submissive people in BDSM relationships. I've really been blown away at the people in the "Kink Tok" community that produce great videos on BDSM. There's a lot of subs that show how to be confident in your own skin.

Finding a domme can be a challenge, but you can find one through FetLife, which is basically Facebook for BDSM. It's not good for a dating site, but it is good for finding "munches", which are public group meet ups of like minded people. From there you can find the mommy domme you need to make you happy.

Now, go forth and find that kinky domme to fulfill your submissive needs!

Astromythicist · 2021-11-21T01:39:42+00:00

My suggestion is to pick up a masculine hobby like hitting the gym.

Not just a commercial gym. I’m talking CrossFit, powerlifting, etc. A garage type gym that has a masculine vibe where you’ll toughen the fuck up and learn to man up and finish the the workout

RainbowChardonnay · 2021-11-21T01:50:28+00:00

It’s hot when men embrace their feminine side with confidence. Rock it.

Title	I hate myself for being effeminate
Author	Astromythicist
Upvotes	49
Comments	75
Date	November 18, 2021 8:42 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/qwz3at/i_hate_myself_for_being_effeminate/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-hate-myself-for-being-effeminate.1272071 https://theredarchive.com/post/1272071

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