I'm a Misogynist. Tips for overcoming?

granto · 2010-11-24T18:05:58+00:00

Try this: maybe you don't hate women?

However, I'm guessing you deeply resent the fact that you were taught wrong your whole life on how to be appealing to women. Just like if someone taught you that the best way to be a lawyer was to be honest, you would get pretty bitter after losing every case before you. At first you would be bitter at the judge, because you played by what you thought were the rules. But, eventually, you'll see that you were doing it all wrong.

Now, if you still blame women after this, you my friend, need a square kick in the pants in the world of empathy. To do this, imagine every hot girl with perfect set of boobs and ass that walked by not looking at you. Now imagine the other 95% of girls that WEREN'T hotties that you never gave two seconds of your life, who might have been absolutely wonderful girlfriend/wife material but didn't have "that look".

Do you think you would give empathy to an obese girl with a heart of gold, because no one saw past her fat? Would you date her yourself?

Unless your answer is "yes", then you need to get any sense of self-pitying, female loathing, "why can't women like me for who I am" crap out of your head because you're doing the exact same thing to other women. And the reason you're doing it - ta-da - is because that's how it works. Embrace biology and the psychology of female/male dynamics. Fight it and you go extinct.

madelinecn · 2010-11-24T20:41:45+00:00

Maybe you should try talking to a therapist. Sounds like you're actually open minded enough to over come it and you really should so you don't continue being so lonely. I mean really if you know that it's not a fair reaction to the opposite sex then it sounds like there may be other things that you just need to verbalize. At 39 you still have a lot of time to find love in your life. Don't give up.

tidderor · 2010-11-25T04:30:33+00:00

I'm a woman, and I find your post interesting and honest. And while I'm sad that you have such anger toward women, and definitely don't like the way you describe women, I think I kind of get it.

When I feel like someone doesn't like me, my instinct is to dislike them in response. That's pretty normal, I think. It's the ego's way of protecting itself from harm.

So for whatever reason, you found yourself in a situation where you began feeling disliked and rejected by certain women in your past. And your ego, being bruised, wants to protect itself. So, at some point, after a certain number of women made you feel rejected, you began to dislike not only those women, but also those you hadn't even met yet. It's a defense mechanism gone overboard. You're protecting yourself not only from those women who will have actually rejected you, but also from those who might not if you gave them a chance.

And my guess is that this defense mechanism increases your problem. You know how your instinct is to dislike these women that you believe aren't going to like you? Well, they have that same instinct. If they get vibes that you dislike them, they'll dislike you right back. My guess is that you're radiating negativity on some level and that this could be triggering that exact same instinct in the women you meet.

My hope for you is that somehow you can begin seeing women that you meet in the future as individuals, and not hold them responsible for the actions of past women. You realize that your thoughts of "oh NOW, after all these years you want me" isn't logical when applied to someone that just met you, right? I'm hoping that if you see that your anger was there for a reason, to protect you from injury, that perhaps you can find a way to begin letting go of that fear, to not need that defense anymore, and let that anger begin melting away.

You're learning some techniques for being more comfortable with the initial approach and casual conversation, and that's a good thing. You're even beginning to get some positive responses that you've not been seeing before. You may begin to have some genuine, positive experiences if you don't let your anger get in the way.

I hope this helps somehow and wish you the best of luck.

bklynraised · 2010-11-24T16:00:48+00:00

Go to your local library, grab "Women, Race & Class" by Angela Davis.

azaaaa · 2010-11-24T11:13:24+00:00

Check out This Book: http://www.joebeam.com/becexp.htm

What seems to be the problem is a vicious circle. Women don't have an obligation to love you. You don't have a right to hate them in return. Think of how you treat homeless people for example. You don't go about proactively to help them out or something like that.

So whenever you feel angry, think of how unjustified it is, especially since you project your hatred onto an entire gender. Rationalize how this is a chemical reaction in your body, pick it apart when it appears and you will see, you can influence it.

VelvetElvis · 2010-11-24T21:46:08+00:00

Try cognitive behavioral therapy. Seriously.

MagType · 2010-11-24T13:33:24+00:00

I'm not sure what advice to give you but I know that it's something a lot of men are going through. A number of guys I know have alluded to what you are saying here. After a lifetimes of rejection you cannot help but feel some bitterness towards the opposite sex (and that goes for both men and woman).

What really started to make me angry was when I realized how fucked up the whole attraction game actually is. Friends of mine would do little more than the adult equivalent of pulling a girls pig-tails....AND IT FUCKING WORKED. Are you kidding me!

I think the fact that my mother and sister were such feminists gave me an unrealistically high opinion of woman. When I started working out that woman are no better than men, I was left somewhat disappointed.

2010-11-24T14:35:25+00:00

First of all, misogyny and getting laid are not mutually exclusive. I could name any number of guys I know that hate women and still get laid. What you're probably doing is objectifying women, putting them up on a pedestal. Women and men are basically the same, realize this and move on.

Just learn some openers, figure out what you want in a woman, and then go talk to them. Be polite, but qualify her, if she doesn't meet your requirements, you can reject her.

MelissaOfTroy · 2010-11-24T11:26:30+00:00

I don't have any real advice but do want to say good for you for recognizing the problem. There's hope yet, so don't get too hung up on this.

sockthepuppetry · 2010-11-24T16:35:51+00:00

Try spending time with more women casually. Salsa dancing, yoga, political causes, etc... are all places you'll have an excuse to just interact with women as people. As a man with a lot of female friends, I'll tell you they're really not that different from us.

If it helps, think of your anger as being like the anger of girl who doesn't take care of herself who doesn't get hit on for it. She hates men for not wanting her. Same sense of entitlement.

seddition · 2010-11-24T17:44:56+00:00

Here is something you should have learned by 39, you are not entitled to anything. The world doesn't owe you shit. Neither do women. Everything doesn't just fall into a happy fairytale ending for people. You feel like you are entitled for women to love you, but they aren't. You have to earn everything in this world, one way or another. Being good looking, smart, and charming don't guarantee you anything if you aren't willing to work for it.

If you want the love and affection of women, learn what will make them love you. I can tell you that having a deep seated hatred for them isn't going to get you there. Women are intuitive and will pick up on this and be terrified of you.

Stop worrying about women, and worry about improving yourself. You're not going to find a woman worth loving until you love yourself, which you obviously don't.

You're still young enough to salvage your life. I have friends in their late 30's early 40's who still attract and bed hot women in their 20's.

Step up to the plate and handle your own fucking problems instead of blaming women for not loving you.

RedErin · 2010-11-24T14:09:09+00:00

It took a long time to build up that anger and it'll take a while for it to go away. But you making this post is a great step in the right direction. Having pent up anger and resentment isn't healthy in regards to anything, so good luck in overcoming.

opiumden · 2010-11-25T01:13:51+00:00

[permanently deleted]

QueerCoup · 2010-11-24T20:59:02+00:00

I would suggest not going to /r/seduction for help. Maybe /r/TwoXChromosomes, or /r/feminisms will have some good advice for you.

2010-11-24T11:13:31+00:00

I think you answered the question yourself. You feel anger at them for not responding to you in the past yet you have only recently begun applying the techniques to process their defences. You are in danger of undoing your good work by not realising there is a new you that will achieve success if you draw the line and move on.

Process your aggression into fuelling your physical enhancement, nothing fuels a work out like imagining your exes face when she sees what shes lost and the look of wanting in here eyes.

Use the hate to play their weaknesses, don't forget they too hate themselves, they just have weak men throwing themselves at them to cover their cracks.

roxxe · 2010-11-24T16:10:09+00:00

talk more to women, take a cooking course or whatever you have to do to be more in touch with women, you'll see that behind the front they are the same as you

bklynraised · 2010-11-25T00:00:43+00:00

I want to applaud you coming to this place. I think it's a place that everyone should be able to find. We need to stop otherizing Misogynists, racists, homophobes, ablists... We all have these things in us! It's important that you do some work now. READ! Start here: http://finallyfeminism101.wordpress.com/2007/03/11/faq-what-is-male-privilege/ And don't stop. The most important thing for you to do now is not get caught up in guilt, and let it debilitate you!.

heyzeuschristo · 2010-11-29T04:18:44+00:00

You should really talk to a therapist. Anything anyone here is going to post is just a stab in the dark.

After 39 years, if you are not aware of why you feel the way you do, you need someone's help to bring it out of you so you can then figure out how to overcome it behaviorally.

Pickup tactics are just going to make this worse for you until you deal with this inner game issue and learn some proper coping mechanisms.

wakatopatopa · 2010-11-24T22:27:58+00:00

dude, it's THE GAME ITSELF that makes you hate women. Seriously. Pick-up artists are some of the biggest misogynists out there, and they're all about teaching you how to be a successful misogynist.

You're totally normal. I don't want you to think you're a misogynist. Feeling like you hate someone(s) because they don't love you is different than hating someone(s) because of what they are. you might have some anxiety issues, or maybe a few compulsions, but I think you're being to hard on yourself. plus, any kind of anxiety-based issues you have will only be soothed by the rigid rules and jargon of that Game bullshit.

you're going to have to do the really hard thing, and start getting to know women before you indulge in all those nice lady traits. Are you going for women in your league? Are you giving women in your league a chance?

How do women reject you? The method of rejection might help us figure out what you're doing wrong. But you don't hate them. you just need to get out and get to know some so you feel more comfortable. it's amazing how many people can't differentiate between fear and hate.

commonsense2 · 2010-11-24T14:13:11+00:00

You sound like George Sodini, the guy who shot up women at a Pennsylvania gym because he felt forever alone at age 48. Please don't be like him. Read his diary, and do what it takes to avoid becoming a mess like him.

thcobbs · 2010-11-24T16:14:06+00:00

How to overcome misogyny?

1.)Tell the girl to fix you a sandwhich

2.)when she comes back actually thank her.

3.)And then slap her behind.

a_true_bro · 2010-11-25T01:55:13+00:00

redditor for 17 hours

Nice try, r/feminisms.

EthicalReasoning · 2010-11-24T16:34:48+00:00

why bother?

Title	I'm a Misogynist. Tips for overcoming?
Author	opiumden
Upvotes	32
Comments	62
Date	November 24, 2010 11:01 AM UTC (15 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/eb1q3/im_a_misogynist_tips_for_overcoming/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/im-a-misogynist-tips-for-overcoming.1313195 https://theredarchive.com/post/1313195

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