Oneitis = Lack of Purpose

ez__mac · 2018-10-23T16:43:40+00:00

This hits so close to home. I am coming out of this spell myself. My ex, whom I have had no contact with in a year, hit me up recently with a new number. Initiating all the contact, wanting to hang out, wanting me to see her new place etc etc. Why in the world she would do this out of the blue? No idea. (Maybe my new fb/inst pics, who knows)

About a year ago I would have given ANYTHING to be in this position. ANYTHING. But now I am rather disinterested. And feeling foolish about how long I held on.

It's hard to describe this feeling but it feels... Right. For once.

HighwindMark2 · 2018-10-23T15:00:05+00:00

Stop oneitus when you realize that people are generally flawed and are usually never anything special. Women are not any more special than men and vice versa.

I don't even have a dream woman.

rv0x00 · 2018-10-23T16:19:53+00:00

I was just feeling same and didn't know what happened to me. Thanks for posting this.

Jacob_961 · 2018-10-23T19:16:26+00:00

Dude... sometimes you just want a girl, that girl that you think you go well with. There is nothing wrong with wanting one special girl. It's when this one special girl does not want you back and you're trying to "get her back" and realize that you are really a good fit together for whatever reason, valid or just in your head. The point is even if you are right, the more you pursue a person that is not or no longer interested in you, at least interested in you less than you are interested in her, the more you will repel her and lose your self-respect in the process. Just let it go a find a person who cares for you at least as much as you care for her who is also of course attractive. :)

s4ndman1 · 2018-10-23T15:27:23+00:00

I agree whole hartedly with what you said. Though it goes without saying when you never had great experience with women you will get oneitis. Its your job to realize what is happening and then implement the solutions @TheJoeyJoeJoementioned.

K3wp · 2018-10-23T16:06:27+00:00

Oneitis == lack of abundance.

It's too much purpose focused in the wrong direction.

NO3SCAPE · 2018-10-23T22:30:50+00:00

Good post. I felt this 4 week's ago. I knew what it was and I still felt like shit. My case I got fucked and saved though so dno. But yeah first thing I told myself was that I will find another woman as awesome as her and as good looking as her and refused to settle for less and the way to do that is by upping your self confidence by fixing what you think is something you lack. Like for me it's discipline so I'm going to do BJJ next week for that and for fitness.. even though I'm fit already haha.

Dw guys for 3 weeks I was borderline depressed but now I feel alive again. You get over it boys trust me.

Ericgzg · 2018-10-23T14:50:41+00:00

Great post man. I like how you describe oneitis as an addiction, framing it that way helps to present it as the unhealthy mindset that it is and helps us understand why we should avoid engaging with it and not take the thoughts it produces seriously.

lifegaurdthrowaway · 2018-10-23T16:31:53+00:00

Very good right up. Feeling like I’m in this position right but I am conflicted. I’m a college student who has a big connection with lots of girls I have met through various ways. Club/ organizations, parties, mixers, etc so it’s not like she is my only option, I am talking to several other girls as well but I feel like she is more special. I am not sure if I am just putting her on a pedi stool or if she is truly a good match for me vs these other girls who just want to hook up. Any thoughts?

ColdCaulkCraig · 2018-10-23T18:57:53+00:00

I got over oneitis by going to a busy bar alone and getting hit on my other women. I still don't have purpose but I know I have options.

Scrub_TLC · 2018-10-23T20:08:15+00:00

This post not having more upvotes yet is absolutely fucking Criminal...

Tunixe · 2018-10-23T18:11:26+00:00

Great post dude

uptimex · 2018-10-23T23:43:01+00:00

One interesting solution, every time you think about "her, the one.. her, unique.. her, intriguing.. her, enigmatic... her, horny... etc.", just imagine that you have $500K in your pocket right now, ready to be freely spent to anything. Are you still so much interested in her? Just think what you can do with all this resource, just imagine how many "Enigmatic women" you can meet on this path.

The core of this method is that "Men are hunters". The main instinctive priority for us is gaining resources. When gaining resource function is good enough satisfied, you won't be torturing yourself by any oneitis, because you accomplished your mission. Just see the real priority of your life.

californiawaves23 · 2018-11-06T02:31:56+00:00

While long winded there was a lot of gold in that comment and I appreciate the time you took to make it Phfenix. It’s funny how I stumbled across this comment at a time where oneitis is/was hitting me hard. Reading this helped me see things a bit clearly and look at logic rather than emotion. I usually am good at this however during this stretch, oneitis had its grip on me.

phfenix · 2018-10-24T07:04:56+00:00

Oneitis has literally 0 to do with purpose, as people on top of the world who are killing it get it too, also the fact that it was such a half brained post quickly followed by "please be sure to like and subscribe to my facebook twitter and instagram", also gives me pause but that's just me.

You shouldn't be presenting your opinions as facts to impressionable people, nor should you be presenting the opinions of other people as fact as that's fucking dangerous and ignorant, it's like you be quoting shit you read in some book that you didn't think through yourself because hey he's famous so he must be right so I'm just going to repeat what he said and get others to do the same and eventually we'll all be "right" together, its misleading and misinforming. Sorry if I come across as harsh but that's how it is. Oneitis is falling into self love, you believe that a woman loves you the way you would love you if she was you, therefor you found your other half and feel complete. That's why when you lose her it's in your mind you're literally losing a part of yourself, because the illusion you two worked to create for yourself was good enough to convince you that she was your ideal soul mate. Women fall into oneitis too for the same reason, that's why so many women fall for sociopaths as I could argue the average woman is sociopathic in her nature, therefor when they find a true sociopath, they think they've literally found their other half and thus find their love and will literally drink his piss if that's what it'll take to keep him(not anecdotal). Oneitis is falling in love with what you believe to be a reflection of yourself, your mirror counterpart. Has nothing to do with finding your purpose, as a man on his purpose can easily find a woman who he thinks understands him so completely that she loves him the way he would love himself if he was her. The over attachment and the crash that follows is he was bought in that it was the real deal he found, and can't let go that he fell in love with an illusion and that this is just another dumb girl who had a cute face and put on an act to get on his good side. We all want to believe a woman is capable of loving as purely as we are ourselves, and that on top of that she can love specifically us so completely, no one else, because that's exactly how we would love her. The cure for oneitis isn't distracting yourself with bread and circus, it's accepting the truth for what it was: you duped yourself. Face it she's not smart or clever enough to actually pull an act off so grand that someone of your intelligence would fall for it like a sucker, and if she was she'd be doing it to a billionaire, not you(look at the news and you will find examples, and there are escorts who do this for a living getting paid top dollar). You fell for it because you wanted to, because you wanted to believe, there's nothing wrong with a leap of faith but ultimately the truth will hit you and you will find out whether what you believed in was true or not, and from that point forward your perception has to realign itself with reality and you have to absorb the experience to grow from it. The fact that you're a dumbass that let some thot fool you so easily by waving her ass around and saying a few pretty words, is what's so hard for young guys to swallow, that you think you're so fucking special, and you may very well be, but your vanity, your pride, was your ultimate downfall. She didn't love you, she just wanted to get something out of you. Whether it was positive emotions, money, validation, whatever. It was an economic exchange for her, and you believing in the purity of honest love are a perfect target for a woman who is a leech. The way to avoid oneitis and its long lasting consequences is while you are likely going to remain open to the possibility of finding a quality woman to share your life with, if that's something you're looking for, you will also remain open to the possibility that you're just dealing with yet another female sociopath, the default that she is raised to be by our society and thus to be expected.

Any time I've had oneitis it had absolutely nothing to do with not having purpose. I've always had purpose, always had, always will. Unless you're one of those dudes who had so much childhood trauma that you're literally a male wallflower who has nothing to do except wait for other people to tell you what to do at all times(I've met these people and yes they do exist), you have purpose in one form or another.

Joey I like some of your posts and I like your personality but some of what you say sometimes is knee deep in pua bullshit my dude. Just because other people in your environment are talking about how all jews should be killed, doesn't make it right or true. Hope you get the analogy. The problem with most men today, is they lack a sense of objectivity, they can't think for themselves and their emotions dictate everything for them. That's a woman's default, and as a man who seeks to be attuned to masculine polarity it's important to understand that emotions are feminine in their nature, while logic/thought is masculine. This isn't me saying to be an emotionless robot, it's me saying let don't let yourself be ruled by emotions, because that's the equivalent of letting the woman wear the pants and throwing your savings away on some fancy new carpets she wanted because it struck her fancy, put your fucking foot down, tell her no, and if she wants to be with a dude who'll let her blow all your money on useless shit neither of you actually needs, there's the door you're welcome to find some cuck who'll treat you like a perfect princess.

You can play a woman's emotional games if you like, express and experience a full range of emotions etc if you want, but your mental point of origin must be objective in its nature, a bird's eye view so to speak. That way you can keep a clear head when emotional shit starts to interfere instead of your life falling apart, and if you did give a woman an honest chance and she turned out to be a fraud(even worse you helped her with the heist that was you), you can smile and have a laugh about how you made an honest mistake and learn from the experience and move on, instead of telling yourself stories propagated by the media. All the best leaders, the best men others look up to, are able to keep a cool head when others would break down, that's the rock others cling to during the storm, and that's not someone people are likely to replace as you will not find it often because it's so much easier to just be part of the mob with emotions deciding everything for you. I just recently was seeing a "nice girl" who honestly many men would have lasting oneitis about her, they did actually and I met a dude who was in her past and who went mental because he thought he had her and lost her, like he broke into her apartment and other shit like that it was a mess. I could have easily been him because the things she said and did were very tempting, she brought other women to me, sat there telling me how amazing I was, would literally get on her hands and knees and bow for me and called me master and worship my body(I'm not a model), the whole works. It's a serious power trip and likely something most men would very much like to be their norm. It was nice while it lasted but I understood in the back of my head that this was likely temporary, that she wasn't me, she wouldn't love me the way I love myself because she's not me, and if she acts the part it's because there's something in it for her rather than she's doing it for love's sake, or because I triggered the oneitis in her for one reason or another. She was welcome to show me that she was in fact the real deal, but that involved playing the part until death do us part and never growing tired of it, which involved being all over my nuts on top of creating 0 problems for me. It lasted for a good while and I appreciated the experience for what it was, and when the relationship ran its full course, when I started to see her slip up, I wasn't so broken up about it as to break into her home and steal shit from her and other shit that could get me jailed or possibly even killed or permanent emotional damage that I can't come back from that some guys seem like they've gone through. It was on the other hand quite amusing to see how far a woman would go to try to win me over, and the next one maybe will have to go a step farther, maybe I'll have her bottle feed me or some toddler play lmfao. Bruh you know it's real love when she's willing to bottle feed you as if you were her child, am I right tho? Lmao sorry I had to, been serious all post long had to throw something in, but at the same time a little bit serious too. Regardless I'll find someone else who does shit that makes me feel just as good or maybe even better, if it happened once it'll happen again and this time I have a clearer idea of what I like and what I want as well as how to identify certain traits and qualities in a woman.

Make sure to read part two in a reply to this post, character limit.

HoBoJo62 · 2018-10-23T17:12:41+00:00

I’m definitely going through this right now. Before I had her I was fine but after she left I feel empty

ColdCaulkCraig · 2018-10-23T17:35:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Murfdigidy · 2018-10-24T03:46:40+00:00

Quality men have options Quality women have options

The stud guy knows hes got game and confidence, The hot girl knows shes hot, Both have options

It's okay for stud guy to pursue girl he likes, he does so knowing he's got high value and he portrays it, and he let's girl know it by the way he carries himself.

One girl itus is okay because as a pua once said, he never gets friendzoned. Why does a stud guy never get friendzoned, it's just like the hot girl never gets friendzoned. We all know that hot girl we're just friends with right, we'd all hook up with said girl if given the chance right. Well a guy can have that same impact on girls. You can be the guy every girl secretly would love to hook up with

eric_shen · 2018-10-24T07:24:00+00:00

Joeyjoe right back at it again

jackandjill22 · 2018-10-24T07:44:07+00:00

This probably has some truth to it.

TheJoeyJoeJoe · 2018-10-25T04:15:29+00:00

I'd like to say I'm warmed and inspired by pretty much all of the comments in this thread. Fight the good fight, friends!

Title	Oneitis = Lack of Purpose
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	426
Comments	53
Date	October 23, 2018 2:35 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9qpjiu/oneitis_lack_of_purpose/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/oneitis-lack-of-purpose.1455461 https://theredarchive.com/post/1455461

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