What Makes a Guy Instantly Attractive?

I’ve been talking to women in real life for more than 13 years and after all this time I’ve gotten a pretty good idea of what women actually find attractive.

(And no, it’s not money or your chiseled jawline)

The first one, and probably the most important one, is not giving a fuck.

I’ve been here in Madrid for about eight months, and I’ve been seeing this girl for around seven months. I recently asked her what she finds most attractive about me, and she said:

“It’s the fact that you don’t care what people think about you. You just do what you want to do.”

And I’ve heard this from women so many times. They love a guy who just does what he wants to do and doesn’t overly concern himself with opinions of others. Because what that signals is healthy self-esteem.

What’s funny with this particular girl is that she loves fashion, shopping and "combining colors based on her mood", while I personally think frequent shopping for clothes is a waste of time and I’ve told her this many times. I personally wear just a few shirts and jeans and I don’t care much about fashion.

And yet she still continues seeing me.

And this is the important point: women would rather you disagree with her and be yourself than agree with her and not really be yourself.

The problem with caring too much about what people think is that you show that their opinion matters more than your own. And that signals that you don’t think you’re enough.

And if you don’t think you’re enough, how will she think that you’re enough?

The second thing women love is non-neediness.

So many men go into interactions with women needing something.

They need that smile, number, date or the absence of rejection.

Now you can want all those things but the problem starts when you need them too much.

And to illustrate why this is unattractive, think about a person who constantly asks you for favors every time you talk to them.

“Can you do this? Can you help me with that?”

Eventually you start feeling like avoiding that person. And it’s the same principle with women.

You might not directly ask: “Can you make me feel good about myself?”

But indirectly, that’s what you’re doing when you desperately need a positive reaction from her. That’s why she feels this impulse to pull away.

And every time you’re too eager, too available, replying too fast, over-investing immediately, it displays neediness. And you absolutely want avoid that if you wanna be attractive to women.

The third thing women find attractive is not taking yourself and her so seriously.

One of my favorite movies is American Psycho with Christian Bale, where he plays this investment banker who is completely obsessed with his self-image and how he’s perceived by society.

One of the funniest scenes is when they compare business cards like it’s some kind of competition over who has the biggest d*ck even though they all basically look the same.

And a lot of men do their own version of this with women.

They have this idea of how a “high-value man” should sound, so they speak in this robotic, emotionless, hyper-controlled way trying to act alpha.

But socially adept women can see through that immediately. They can tell you’re performing.

And usually the only women you attract by acting like that are women who are also pretending to be something they’re not - usually wannabe Instagram influencer types, which are probably not even the girls you actually want.

So instead, you want to be playful and not take yourself so seriously.

Joke around, make fun of yourself, tease the girl a bit, and show a real authentic side of yourself.

Because if you can genuinely laugh about yourself, the girl and life in general - you will create a much more authentic connection

Now finally, how do you actually develop these three characteristics?

Honestly, the way I did this (and I think the best way) is cold approach. A massive amount of cold approach.

Because when you approach women in real life, you learn not to give a fuck since you’re doing something most people are too scared to do.

You learn non-neediness because you get more options and stop depending on one particular girl saying yes.

And finally, you get comfortable with rejection which teaches you not to take yourself so seriously.

I encourage you to give it a shot!