As someone who’s been a life-long student of attraction and social dynamics, I always found the PUA (pick-up artist) approach a bit, idk…weird.

Most PUA advice online heavily focuses on the “what to say” aspect of talking to women- canned lines, rehearsed routines, negging, etc. 

Obviously, this is comes from the belief that you can say a few “lines” and have girls horny for you.

Or rather, the belief that girls respond to the things you say.

(LOL, if it were that simple, every guy'd be getting laid like a warlord).

Throughout my journey, I’ve seen countless PUA bros mindlessly run their same rehearsed script while flat out ignoring context of the interaction (what the girl’s feeling, how she’s reacting, is she comfortable etc.).

As a result, not only do these guys struggle to build real chemistry and connection with women, they also come off as weird /try-hard/ gamey-

Where the girl just has this cringey dismissive look on her face like “alright lil bro, I know you’re doing your little shtick but it ain’t working”, while the guy helplessly tries to get a reaction out of her with his PUA tricks. =D

Why does this approach back fire?

Because there’s no authenticity. No rawness. NO tension. No electricity. Only mind games, and girls can sense that (yeah, you’re not fooling anybody).

Thing is, it’s not just PUA’s. Even when i ask the guys I work with what their biggest obstacle is, they say “idk what to say to girls” (obviously, after their approach anxiety).

To be fair, I don’t blame them. As someone who’s just starting out, you’re bound to obsess over lines because that’s what you’re led to believe with all the noise out there.

In fact, this is exactly how I started out, until I finally understood that what you say is just #1 of the 3 layers of communication.

When I did, everything changed.

I saw a stark difference in the way girls responded to me. I could be raw, say whatever I wanted to, and STILL get girls attracted to me. The ghosting stopped and girls began showing active interest in getting to know me. In fact, attracting girls is almost automatic today.

If you understand these 3 layers of communication and apply them to your life as well, you will see a tangible difference in the way girls respond to you.

The 3 Layers Of Communication

Like, I said most guys only focus on layer #1, but the real attraction comes from layers #2 and #3. Let’s get into it.

#1. Verbal Layer (10%)

This accounts for the what you say side of things. This is what most guys (and PUA’s) obsess over when really, it accounts for just 15% of what girls are looking at.

Now, I’m not going to say that this doesn’t matter at all- I mean you can’t talk a bunch of gibberish and get girls. Lol.

What I will say tho, is that you DON’T need to be the smartest, most intellectual genius person in the room. So take the pressure off yourself to sound cool or smooth all the time.

Because if the next 2 layers (which is the rest 85% of what actually matters) aren’t taken care of, you could have the best mouthpiece and still suck with girls.

#2. Non-Verbal Layer (30%)

These are your non-verbal social cues or subcommunication, as they like to call it. Your delivery.

This is what people mean when they say “it’s not about what you say, it’s about how you say it.”

These are your honest signals of communication…Things like the way you make eye contact, the way you project your voice, your body language, posture, etc.

Like I said, you could have the most clever things to say to women, but if your tonality is weak or have a hard time holding eye contact, none of that verbal gold will work because it isn’t backed by strong subcommunication.

So if you’re mindful of your non-verbal communication and are constantly working on it, awesome! You’re going to do better than the guys that focus on layer #1.

However, know that you can’t force yourself to project attractive sub communication. For eg. If you force yourself to hold the unwavering and piercing eye-contact that women love, it’s gonna look weird and creepy.

Instead, understand that there’s a deeper place your non-verbal communication stems from.

This is the most important, yet most ignored layer of communication… 

#3. Energetic Layer (60%)

I don’t care what anyone says, I can tell you from 15 years of experience- THIS is the crux of being attractive to women.

This is your foundation to being that guy. Your inner game, if you will.

This comprises your subconscious beliefs and assumptions around things like-

- How you view yourself- Do you have high self-esteem or do you feel an inner lack?

- How you view women- Do you look at them as equals or superior beings that are above you? Or do you secretly resent them?

- Do you feel self-assured, centered, and solid in a social setting or do you feel overwhelmed, chaotic, and threatened?

- Do you actually feel worthy of a beautiful woman’s companionship?

- Are you secure within yourself as a man? Or do you feel a level insecurity while talking to girls?

- How needy are you really for the validation of women?- Do you catch yourself compulsively doing things to win the approval of women?

- Can you stay unfazed under social pressure/tension when it’s thrown at you? Or do you crumble get reactive (apologetic, defensive, butt hurt, etc.)

- Do you overthink and overanalyse too much with girls?

For the super logical/analytical brothers out there, this may not make sense right away. It didn’t to me, either.

But it will when you understand that attraction is a purely emotional process.

If you’re not operating from a right place energetically, attracting girls is going to feel like an uphill battle. Like massive cope.

While most guys are too caught up perfecting the stuff that’s tangible (layers #1 and #2), they don’t realize that it’s your energetic foundation that colors the other 2.

If you were honest with yourself and had a -ve answer for any of the above questions^, chances are you have a few subconscious energetic blockages which need to be released.

I did too. And it took me years of trial-and-error to realize that I did.

But once I began releasing them (which is a process in itself),

All the heaviness, insecurity, anxiety, and lack with women dissipated and was replaced by core confidence.

Take it from me guys:

WOMEN RESPOND TO YOUR ENERGY. NOT YOUR WORDS.

Fixing layer #3 will make you irresistible to girls at a core level. From the inside out.

Why? Because it colors layer 2 (your non-verbals), which colors layer 1 (what you say). Its a domino effect.

You’ll be able to be yourself, talk about the things you love, and still have girls want you.

Without that, you’ll just be in constant cope with tricks and techniques, trying to find the next clever thing to say like a hamster on his wheel.

Speaking from 15 years of experience. Take it or leave it.

Btw, I’m aware that I haven’t yet spoken about the How-to part of actually fixing your layer #3. The goal of this post was to first draw your attention to how this stuff works.

If you guys resonate with this stuff, we can always do a future post that breaks down how to fix layer #3.

Next post will be a no-bs guide covering Why you get approach anxiety and what I did to weed out mine. Stay tuned, brothers.