After a breakup, I downloaded dating apps and started going on dates again. So far I’ve been on around 10 dates, and only one ended up leading to sex.

What’s confusing me is that there were 4 dates where I genuinely liked the girl a lot. In all 4 cases, the dates lasted around 3–4 hours, we had a second drink or moved to another bar, and the conversation flowed really well. We talked about funny stuff, personal topics, modern relationships, dating, etc. There was good communication, shared interests, and overall good energy.

But near the end of the date, when I suggested continuing the night at my place, all 4 basically gave me the same answer: they had a really good time, enjoyed the date, but didn’t feel anything sexual.

So now I’m wondering a few things:

  1. Did they probably reject the romantic possibility as soon as they saw me in person because I wasn’t physically their type, but still stay for hours because the conversation was enjoyable and they had a good time? Or is it possible they were initially open to something romantic, but lost attraction during the date?
  2. One of these girls I genuinely like a lot. Does it make sense to ask her out again, or once someone says they didn’t feel anything romantic, is that basically closed? and how I should ask her again? directly in romantic context or for a coffee etc?
  3. I think part of the problem might be that I don’t really know how to introduce romantic/sexual tension naturally.Are compliments actually that important?I also avoid physical contact unless the girl gives a very obvious green light first or initiates it herself. I’d say I probably give off very friendly vibes. But at the same time, trying to act “mysterious” or overly flirty feels fake and ridiculous to me, so I’m not sure what the balance is supposed to be.

thanks for your time!