The Pain of Hearing Your Children

SuperConfused40 · 2024-05-17T21:27:21+00:00

It's tough, but kids are resilient. I have heard my 8yo in her room crying a few times. All I can do is be a good dad and support her and talk to her.

Puzzleheaded_Monk_39 · 2024-05-16T02:39:37+00:00

Yea my kid is one of the reasons I stayed in a miserable marriage where somehow it’s always my fault. I was alienated through pandemic because I needed to isolate as a front line worker. They speak a different language at home so I have no clue what’s going on. While all this was going on and I was working a high stress job, I had to also take care of my mother who had terminal cancer who passed recently. My father in law even told her that I shouldn’t be so cheap and can afford to allow her to visit him in Asia twice a year. Oh yea she stopped working after giving birth which was her choice. So yea she’s just been suffering somehow being a stay at home mom to a completely healthy kid with a magical credit card that pays for itself every single month to the tune of five figures a month….

probebeta · 2024-05-15T21:32:18+00:00

Mine is 5. It's a lot easier than 9 or 10. Ill be the best dad I can be, and I never badmouth mom. She can do whatever she wants, I have no control over it. I do believe that kids will remember how you raised them...

NoLawfulness8554 · 2024-05-15T20:57:34+00:00

The kids are the biggest losers here. Good luck

Letsgetsoakinwet · 2024-05-15T20:54:57+00:00

I tried to do the right thing for Mothers Day and bought a locket for my stbx from our two daughters. I showed my oldest, 7, the pictures of the girls and their mothers that were in the locket the day before so she could understand what she was giving mom. She asked why I wasn’t in the pictures then said “but you love mommy, right?” Broke my heart. We haven’t talked to the kids yet because there is no separation agreement or even a parenting plan yet but she can tell things are changing. It sucks so bad. I didn’t want this, wanted to work on things, especially for the girls. I’m dreading the big talk with them and trying to think of what’s best to tell them and if there’s a way I can do what’s in their best interest while also making it clear I did not want this.

Hang in there man, you are not alone.

Ecstatic-Shopping313 · 2024-05-15T20:05:29+00:00

I use it to my advantage. They cry for mom and say they miss her, I say I miss her too. I let them know that she's welcome to come home any time, but that she won't let me come visit them when they're with her. I want them to grow up and know she is to blame for all the lost time. She chose not to be there and prevented me from being there. They lost time with us because of her and her alone.

WittyBeautiful7654 · 2024-05-15T18:49:30+00:00

I always tell my children I still love theor mom. I don't know what she says. Or what she tells them. But I will not get bitter and hateful

Equivalent_Rabbit_62 · 2024-05-15T18:16:32+00:00

I was absolutely miserable in my marriage, but willing to stay for the sake of the kids. She pulled the trigger on leaving and while I’m still heartbroken over the situation for the kids ….. I’m glad I’m not with her anymore. The further I got away from that relationship, I just realized how terrible of the person she is, and that she was never capable of being in a romantic relationship. Don’t get me wrong. I was a jerk too, but at least I own up to my mistakes. She’s always lived in a world of complete delusion. Everything was my fault 100% of the time. She still lives in that world. But I don’t have to deal with it. She can go kick rocks with that garbage.

Financial-Builder-92 · 2024-05-15T17:24:57+00:00

Protect those kids at all costs!!! Keep loving them to death, be really nice, and don't respond to your wife's attacks. I went through Hell for the last 7 years. My wife filed for divorce last year and I can finally breathe. I would say the both of you need therapy but that might make it worse for you. My spouse tried to use it against me in every way. Once you focus on your kids, lawyer up and take care of your health. Walk, Exercise or go out in nature with the kids. Find someone you trust that you can talk to and they will never repeat what is said. Don't know if you are a Christian but maybe find a good Pastor to talk too.

TheWormTurns22 · 2024-05-15T17:01:24+00:00

It may be necessary. I also stayed hoping that just my presence in their live would help undo her poisoning them against me. Then they started self-harming themselves, so, time to leave when that happened. I can't stand by and let them destroy themselves over the conflict between parents.

Title	The Pain of Hearing Your Children
Author	dadmacintosh
Upvotes	18
Comments	14
Date	May 15, 2024 4:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/1cspleq/the_pain_of_hearing_your_children/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/the-pain-of-hearing-your-children.1518534 https://theredarchive.com/post/1518534

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