I met my wife and mother of my child 14 years ago. Started off as casual sex for a while and evolved into a situationship. During this time I saw several red flags that ultimately ignored (young, dumb, horny, and never sought advice or help).

Well I finally decided I was done with that whole situation after a couple of years and shortly after that she told me she was pregnant. We started talking again as I didn’t want her to go through the pregnancy by herself. I ultimately gave up a opportunity to go to college out of state based off of threats and ultimatums that I wouldn’t be a part of my child’s life.

The relationship definitely had some good moments but was just ridden with countless bad moments and me always trying to figure out what her problem was and how to fix it. Physically, verbally, mentally and emotionally abusive. I was young then and didn’t understand what I was dealing with. It wasn’t until we went to therapy years later that I could finally make sense of what I had been going through.

I literally thought I was crazy because every time I addressed certain issues, she’d say I was making it up, or being too sensitive, or just react so irrationally and violently that I’d just drop the whole conversation. Years of this and now I’m grown and have this therapist who has validated all the crazy feelings and emotions I’ve had for so long.

I love her for sure but I’m not in love anymore and I’m not sure I ever was. This really bothers me because I feel like a scumbag despite everything I’ve been through. She desperately wants to fix our marriage now but only because she knows I’m truly at a crossroads. I’m scared to death that if I divorce her it’ll be the wrong choice. But on the other hand, I know exactly what I’ll get if I stay.