Question4all: What is love?

midnightvulpine · 2016-08-01T01:43:13+00:00

To me, romantic love can have many forms. But at the core, it involves keeping the person who is important to you in your thoughts. Their happiness, their likes, their wants. And it is shown when you act on that knowledge. In ways large and small.

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2016-08-01T02:06:11+00:00

There is no answer.

I am not trying to joke here. Love is a feeling and an emotion, trying to describe it is like trying to describe what pain is. Its a very difficult problem from a philosophical position, very likely impossible. If we lived in a world of Sadists and not a world of Lovers, we wold have people waxing on about pain on a regular basis.

sublimemongrel · 2016-08-01T04:35:27+00:00

The only way I can describe love is this: whenever I recall memories or fantasize about the future, he is present and he burns brighter for me. No matter what happens I want him to be there; when I am in pain or fear or joy, he's the one I want to share it or help me get through it.

I remember the exact moment I fell in love with him. We were in college and barely dating. We were completely broke but still at a bar. We were both hungry so when he bought a round he brought back bags of peanuts for us. I must have been on some diet (one that allowed beer but not peanuts... Oh little Maude, you idiot) because I declined and said, "I am more of a cashew girl." The next weekend when he bought a round he handed me a bag of cashews too. It wasn't just that he listened or remembered, boys had done sweeter things for me, but also how proud he was of himself? I think he liked who he was with me. I knew I wanted to chase that feeling forever.

How do I express it? I want to make him happy and proud and for him to know how important he is to me. I am very affectionate and verbal about my adoration. We have lots of sex. I buy him things and brag on him loudly and often. We are kind to each other in public and in private.

[deleted] · 2016-08-01T05:20:28+00:00

Watch out, we got some PPD romantics over here. Or not, actually. OP, one of my most downvoted comments on this account was me claiming, in these specific two words, that "love exists." So expect a lot of "it's a chemical reaction in the brain in service of the furtherance of the species" type answers.

Not that I disagree with those answers, but I don't think that's what love is. Or all love is. I think nature has set us up to be very easily fooled by those 'chemical reactions in the brain' - to mistake extreme attraction for love, especially as time passes. I think love-love is rare. And not everyone is capable of it, as far as I can tell.

But what does it feel like, being in love? Hmmmm. It's many things. One of those things is attention. Mental, intellectual, emotional etc. attentiveness to the loved one. The feeling of being taken by them, fascinated by them. Interested in everything about them. Believing good things about them, that they are a good and admirable human being. Respecting them. And none of these feelings are forced, they flow naturally, seemingly, from who this loved person is (on the inside). When i think back to one of the men I loved I still feel those things, that he is one of the best people I've ever known, I still respect and admire him and would, if possible, like to be more like him.

Lust isn't love, but lust is part of love. Lust on its own is its own force of nature, but lust combined with what I described above is - well, nothing is better than that. To be so completely on someone else's wavelength, at the same time they are on yours. Intimate connection on every level.

Love is actions, too. Words can be easy. Actions not always so much. Love is seeing the other person as a full, complete human being, seeing their points of view and emotions as as worthy as one's own. Wanting the best for them and for them to be the best version of themselves not because you should feel that way but just because you automatically do.

I think mutual love is also being worthy of the other person (the one you love). Again, this in my estimation comes naturally. You respect and admire the other person and you want to be your best self for them. You want them smiling. Just the sound of them laughing is enough to make you laugh (not because something is funny but because their laughter means they're happy and them being happy means you're happy).

I don't think love is easy all the time. Sometimes it's very hard. It can definitely be a test of character, a self-discovery process. But it does make the shitty parts of being human worth it. More than worth it, as far as I'm concerned.

despisedlove2 · 2016-08-01T03:49:23+00:00

For men, it is an overwhelming biochemical storm that transitions an initial quasi-reptilian physical attraction towards a woman to a more permanent bond, which likely will involve mating.

For women, it is an overwhelming biochemical storm that transitions an initial quasi-reptilian positive assessment of a man's genetic and economic worth to a semi permanent desire to obtain his genetic material for pregnancy.

mrs_dalloway · 2016-08-01T04:51:18+00:00

True love is being able to lay your life down for someone else. Doesn't have to be romantic or sexual. It can be to a wife, husband, son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, friend, stranger, enemy. That's what love is.

Love to me is an entirely separate concept from wanting to fuck something or wanting to put your dick on something. That's why I don't like when people refer to gay sexual relationships as "gay love". Two men can love each other without wanting to put their dicks in each other. Wanting to put your dick in something is not love, its lust.

shoup88 · 2016-08-01T05:54:16+00:00

Love means feeling at home with someone. When the rest of your life is stressing you out, that other person becomes a safe haven. When you get news, good or bad, they're the first person you want to tell. You want to just be around them, even if you're each doing separate things.

Ultimately though, it can't really be described adequately. It's intangible - one you have it, you know it.

[deleted] · 2016-08-01T10:32:23+00:00

A massive release of dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and other fancy brain chemicals that make the lovey dovey feels happen.

This tends to manifest as feeling close to someone and also feeling as if that connection is more profound than others, as if you need to keep that person in your life. You are able to look past flaws (which may very well have negative side effects) and plan your life around being with them.

I'd sum it up more eloquently as feeling of dedication towards your partner. You'd do anything for them and want them to do anything for you.

deskgrunt88 · 2016-08-01T13:26:53+00:00

It's the feeling men get when they think a woman will make a good stand-in for mama. It's the thought process women have when they think that a man will potentially be prosperous and secure in his future and will be a good one to lock down, unless they are still riding the cock carousel.

TW_CountryMusic · 2016-08-01T14:06:05+00:00

So /u/damaskrose gave a perfect definition that I completely agree with:

Love is the sum total of what you're willing to sacrifice.

So I'll focus on the "what it feels like" part of the question.

To me, you know you're in love when that person starts to feel like "home" to you. Like, you could be going through the worst time ever in every other aspect of your life, but as long as you have them you know you're OK. They're a comfort and a constant in your life.

I know this isn't a super popular opinion here, but to me, "true" romantic love isn't all that different from strong familial love. It's that same feeling of loyalty and knowing you'd do anything for them. The only difference is that romantic love also has the erotic, physical aspect. The problem is, I think a lot of people experience the latter without the former and mistake it for being in love.

Love also sometimes feels like an ache. That's the part that's hard to explain and I don't think you can understand until you feel it. It's like you're lying next to someone but you still miss them because no matter how much of them you have it's never enough. And you start to feel their emotions almost as deeply as you feel your own. When they're hurting about something it's like a knife through your chest. When they're happy about something you want to throw a fucking parade.

What love isn't, IMO, is just liking somebody a whole whole lot. I would call that "affection," and while it's part of love, it's not the whole story. Otherwise I would be in love with all of my friends and, well, I'm not.

GaiusScaevolus · 2016-08-01T14:55:34+00:00

There are two different types of romantic love, the 'hit' and the 'burn'.

The hit is the 'love at first sight' type. It's a chemical reaction in the brain not unlike a cocaine high. It lasts general from 18 mos-2 years and is involuntary. It's physiological, and has a strong correlation to lust.

The 'burn' is the thing that keeps couples together through 50 years of life with multiple kids,bills, and life struggles. It builds off the 'hit', indeed it can't exist without it, but it's a much softer, calmer feeling. This one is far from automatic, and requires constant work. Lust is still important, but respect and caring become increasingly important as well.

This is where the concept of "the one" gets confused. There will be many people in your life from whom you'll get 'the hit', but to the extent there is a 'one', it's the person you choose to build on that spark with.

DrunkGirl69 · 2016-08-01T17:33:03+00:00

Love is experiencing the full range of human emotional together, see them with no make up and looking grimy in the morning, take care of them when they're ill, be theirs when they have nothing else and still stand by them throughout it all.

[deleted] · 2016-08-01T18:32:23+00:00

I'm not really going to go all ''evolutionary-speaking love is a chemical reaction caused by a man's/woman geneticallly superior material that..'' meh, I don't have any patience for that BS, so I'll just and say that love is when you care about someone and you want someone to be happy, healthy, and safe. Its not about fucking. Its not about having the most beautiful woman in the world in the world.

Love is not how much you gain from what feel for her. Love is not what she does for you or gives to you. Love is giving and being glad that she gets what she needs.

Love is when you worry if she's sick. If she's been eating and sleeping well. If her family and friends treat her as well as she deserves to be treated. Love is when you want to change the world to become a better place for that person, even though prior to finding and falling in love with this person you were more interested in the stars beyond our world. But now.. Now everything is different.

That is love.

Dazzler1886 · 2016-08-01T20:26:48+00:00

Real love is a partnership. It is choosing another person to share the best and worst of your life with and choosing to let them share their best and worst with you. It is deciding that, regardless of how your feelings or hormones are waxing or waning, that your man/woman is it for you. It is knowing that sometimes they will annoy you or bore you, and still choosing them.

Real love is making the decision everyday to support that person and stay faithful. It is making a team of 2 and saying, while the rest of the world might matter, they don't matter as much as the two of us. It is having that one person who you immediately want to tell when something great happens to you; it is being that one person that your partner can cry with when life just sucks.

My grandma died 2 years ago after being married to my grandpa for 50 years. When one of my brothers announced that his wife was having a baby, the first thing my grandpa did was look for my grandma to see her reaction. He searched the room for a couple of seconds and then lost his smile, because he remembered that she wasn't there anymore. That's real love.

It isn't glamorous and it isn't always fun, but it is - I think - the most rewarding thing human can do.

OTTMGTOW · 2016-08-02T08:14:11+00:00