RP "baggage" - boyfriend recently deceased

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-25T04:06:47+00:00

It's only baggage if you let it effect your relationship and life negatively. If it causes positive change and strength of character, it is not baggage, it's life experience.

asteadyheart · 2017-04-25T04:07:30+00:00

I am so sorry that you're going through this. No matter what your boyfriend was in the eyes of RPW, he was still a person and he means a lot to you. That is the only truth that stands now.

I think you're doing amazing things, but I would also recommend that you attend NA meetings or some sort of Drug Addiction Support Group. Your boyfriend had heroin as his drug, and he was your drug. Aside from talking about his loss, you should talk to someone about his addition and your addiction. What it has done to you and will continue to do. Learning to understand and accept it can help you

I have never faced an experience like yours, but I have felt a loss that was sudden and sharp. My only advice to you is to not let something beautiful, like the love you have for your boyfriend, to hamper or hurt your life. Trying to hide it, or drop the "baggage" will be a discredit to (not just his passing) what you want through.

Remember, some of the most beautiful things in life are made from what was once broken.

rosepinch · 2017-04-25T04:39:43+00:00

Saw your post history

Less than a year ago you expressed concern about moving in bc he smoked weed and now here you are finding he overdosed on heroin. I'm so so sorry OP you didn't deserve this. I sincerely hope and believe you can find peace.

RubyWooToo · 2017-04-25T12:02:30+00:00

I'm very sorry for your loss!

I think you should keep up with what you're doing and spend at least a year in "nun mode", not dating and just focusing on self-improvement. I think you should also look into support groups for family members/partners of addicts. You should also read the book "Co-dependent No More"... You will really get a lot out of it.

This isn't baggage if you overcome it and come out a better and wiser person. Also, you're still so young! You have time to meet the right person and achieve your dreams of starting a family. I know this might come off as insensitive, but if this had to happen, it was best that it did before you were married, had kids and had sunk your best years into this relationship.

lidlredridinghood · 2017-04-25T05:13:00+00:00

This sounds really hard, and disheartening. I hope you heal and find peace within yourself.

I'm agreeing, not baggage.... life experience. You know exactly what this was like, ave how's this feels. Breathe. Access help. Feel all of it.... and grow.

Landry86 · 2017-04-25T14:23:12+00:00

This is very sad. I'm glad you are young and seem positive. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you achieve your goals

teammeli · 2017-04-25T14:58:24+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I admire your ability to use this as fuel to improve yourself and commend you for taking care of yourself. healthy self care and time will heal your heart, but of course you will always carry it with you.

I suggest not worrying about how this could possibly affect future relationships and stay focused on the day. yes, a "day at a time". that's how I deal with things that take up too much space in my head. when the time comes and you meet someone else, your current concerns might not be nearly as magnified as they are now.

keep taking care of yourself, go into monk mode. it sounds simplistic, but you are young and have a lot ahead of you in life. keep yourself #1, and honor his life by being the best woman you can be. xo

RojoEscarlata · 2017-04-25T21:28:25+00:00

You almost married a needler, honestly you lucked out.

radioactivities9 · 2017-04-25T14:58:43+00:00

Have you asked yourself why you were attracted to someone with those strong addictive and self-medicating tendencies? Has a therapist or anyone mentioned codependency to you?

Kara_El · 2017-04-25T13:34:54+00:00

I was divorced at 23 and felt the same way. It was so scary. I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling, but if you continue to take care of yourself, this will just be a deeply sad story that doesn't actually effect your relationships because you're not still struggling with it. I'm getting married to a guy who's never been married and had no kids and he doesn't hold my divorce against me at all.

Moobx · 2017-04-25T15:01:33+00:00

If a guy told u his first choice was a heroine addict, as in the woman he really wanted to marry and have children with, how would that make u feel? Knowing if that junkie was still available he would be with her, and none of ur self improvement meant anything compared to someone that was killing herself? If a guy that sculpts himself, stands by his values and is family oriented heard he was 2nd to a junkie ur gona to think about how to convince him to stay

wsba910am · 2017-04-25T15:34:21+00:00

Hasn't destroyed your goal to have a beautiful family. But you do have some growth opportunities ahead of you. As a bachelor, what is a red flag for me is why you dated him to begin with and didn't break up with him when you learned of his heroin dependence. Heroin is a lethal substance.

It sounds like you may want to work out why you didn't recognize this as a massive red flag. Maybe you loved him? But one doesn't have to stay with someone one loves. Maybe you at one point thought you could red pull him? It's a noble idea, but as you are learning you can't red pill someone in addiction. Addicts are incapable of change until they change from addiction.

meh613 · 2017-04-25T17:31:37+00:00

My cousin had a partner who was killed in a park near their dormitory -- he was around your age. It took a long time for him to find another partner, but he did manage to do so.

testmypatience · 2017-04-27T00:14:41+00:00

Everyone has baggage. Some relationships just end horrifically through death or other situations.

You greeve and keep busy and definitely keep meeting new people and going out. Staying in is the enemy of recovery to a nasty scenario like death or horrible break up.

I left my ex a year ago and it has been rough giving a shit about dating anyone new. She had PTSD from our child dying and it caused some problems and so when she left it was like she had died. The person I broke up with didn't resemble the woman I had been engaged to for years.

You will get over it in your own time but ONLY IF YOU TRY. It doesn't get better without attempting to live your life as if the horrible event didn't happen. You don't have to be super interested in every date opportunity or people in general but getting out is good for you.

My condolences on your loss. It is good you are going to therapy for this. If you wait, the shock goes away and then you are left with some really terrifying emotions and behaviors you don't want to see happen to you.

TheWorldToCome · 2017-04-25T18:30:13+00:00

You claim that you don't have trouble attracting men yet you picked a heroine addict and even went as far as stated that you wanted to have children with this man AND didn't even break up with him. This would be a huge HUGE red flag to me if I was a potential man that had met you and was thinking if I want to make you my GF. You definitely need to work on yourself and reflect on what has just happened before you even think about jumping back into dating.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-04-25T14:21:17+00:00

I don't see how this is baggage. It's not something that needs to effect your future relationships. I think if you were considering having a family and a wedding with a herione addict you need to get your priorities in check and learn to choose more stable men. What were you even thinking? Not only that but he allowed you to come back to your apartment and find him dead. If I was you I wouldn't just he grieving, I would be seriously angry that someone had so little consideration for me that they would put me through not only their addiction but that I had to be the one to find them dead in my house. He ultimately betrayed you imo. I know all about substance abuse and loved ones because growing up I had a mother who was an alcoholic. As soon as I was old enough I walked. People who are addicted to drugs or alcohol are a waste of everyone's time because they drag other people down with them.

Title	RP "baggage" - boyfriend recently deceased
Author	castawayc
Upvotes	28
Comments	54
Date	April 25, 2017 3:59 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/67e8kb/rp_baggage_boyfriend_recently_deceased/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/rp-baggage-boyfriend-recently-deceased.87218 https://theredarchive.com/post/87218

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