Why just why are we so scared?

ThreeColorsTrilogy · 2025-02-04T20:57:01+00:00

We tell ourselves lies and believe them and they constrain us.

cashincheeeqs · 2025-02-04T21:02:32+00:00

Fear and doubt my friend. Fear of failure. Doubt of success. You can’t win anything in life with those two mindsets.

You’re on the right track, fear and doubt are Satans weapons.

Wing_Inevitable · 2025-02-04T21:10:24+00:00

It is your brain doing a probability check for getting the value(in this case the girl).

Since you go in sink or swim - It takes the danger as ultra high. And with 0 xp - chances supper low.

Fixes include lovering the goal.

Example : “I will talk to her” as the goal

Or decreasing the danger

Example : “she already loves me”

Or increasing motivation

is there an evolutionary reason for this?

Yea It keeps you alive.

Imagine you are out hunting and see a clutch of T-Rex eggs.

Scenario 1: There is nothing around for a few miles.

Your brain says Go for it. There is no danger

Scenario 2 : The mother is sleeping

Your brain will decide if you NEED energy (like have you eaten recently) and give you an appropriate answer

Scenario 3 : The mother is awake.

The brain will say no stop you will die.

Considering those of the human race that didn’t have this instinct would die out. Most of us have it.

Does God not want us to approach?

What does a metaphysical being have to do with evolution ?

It is an instinct

[deleted] · 2025-02-04T22:52:02+00:00

Its genetic. If you were to approach the wrong girl in a tribal setting you could get kicked out which is life or death in that environment. So ye there is a evolutionary reson. Dont worry about it, it goes away after you do it enough and get good enough.

EetinAintCheetin · 2025-02-04T23:02:02+00:00

It’s rather simple but insidious. We live in a society and most people in society have to follow the social contract. We have been conditioned since we were little to ask/look for permission to do anything from our parents/authority figures and other adults.

At one point, the people you need permission from becomes pretty much anybody who is not you. In a lot of ways, approaching a woman in a straightforward way and seducing her goes against the social contract. That’s why the power of having to ask for permission hits you even harder.

But the problem is that her Prince Charming will never have to look at her or anyone else for permission. You need to start practicing completely ignoring insignificant people in your daily life. Try taking a walk through the mall or a busy street and don’t look at anyone. Look slightly above everyone’s head and do not acknowledge anyone. They are completely insignificant, but in our day to day lives, we look at others asking for implicit permission all the time.

Does this random person approve of me? Did I show that random person respect by acknowledging them? Is everyone okay with me talking to that girl that I fancy? Practice ignoring these people and the social programs g will lessen over time.

norwegiandoggo · 2025-02-04T21:50:29+00:00

Yes evolutionary reason:

Rejection = death

tocepsijufaz · 2025-02-05T00:45:54+00:00

Evolution, when you approach the wrong man's girl, you may be bashed to death.

DaygameCode · 2025-02-04T22:45:14+00:00

Because your ego is at stake, which can easily affect your self-esteem if a girl decides she isn’t into you, making you question your worth as a man, and because you are afraid of bad outcomes leading to disastrous situations which you might not feel comfortable at all dealing with.

The idea of someone turning you down might not seem like a big deal until you basically use women as tools of self-affirmation where a woman liking you is something you interpret as proof that you are worth something, and where a woman rejecting you is something you interpret as proof that you are unworthy.

You are trying to feel good about yourself by using women as a measurement, where you allow her decision to dictate how much value or worth you feel you have, which is misguided and thus when her answer is negative you become depressed.

Fear of bad outcomes can also scare yo, because if she reacts badly, or other people who hear you react badly to your approach, they might scold you for it, leading to an uncomfortable situation where you may feel you have to go defensive and become apologetic to justify your actions.

Something you’d rather avoid due to the intense uncomfortable feelings you would feel during that experience.

So it’s not that God (or an external force)doesn’t want you to approach, it’s that you still haven’t mature and grown enough social experiences and/or enough self esteem to grow your social skills to navigate social challenges effectively, as well as an ability to bounce back from undesirable outcomes woth grace and dignity.

Lamarera8 · 2025-02-04T20:56:59+00:00

No my boy , you are scared

epimpstyle · 2025-02-04T21:33:00+00:00

There are a couple of factors that together are very powerful.

One of them is your past experiences versus new experiences. You will always be hesitant to do something you have never done before. You have to see someone do it and then repeat what you see, you know the phrase "monkey see, monkey do". This is easy when you see someone approaching a girl and then you gain the courage to do the same.

Reading books or watching videos is not enough. There are all kinds of exercises that slowly build up the courage to approach a stranger but without such exercises, it is very difficult. When someone is afraid of spiders, they can't hold a spider in their hand no matter how many people say that nothing happens (the encouragement is not enough), and for this reason, they will do exercises for desensitization: they will see toys that look like spiders, they will see drawings with spiders, then pictures with spiders, then a dead spider from distance, then a dead spider closer, until they hold a spider in their hand .... but of course, it takes time.

Another factor is your EGO:

- either you have a big EGO - when you think you are someone important and because it is just a mask you avoid starting a conversation with a stranger because in that moment they will see the real you and they will see you are not so important as you show them.

- either too low EGO - when you feel like you are not good enough to talk with a girl.

Another factor is all kinds of "fears" which are irrational fears - everything happens in their heads, these guys create all kinds of scenarios as if they can see the future and know how the girl will react before they even say "hi" to her.This problem is easier to solve because if they write down what they think will happen before they approach the girl and compare what actually happened after they approached the girl, they will see that they were not even close to what actually happened.They see this 3-4 times and then the fear disappears.

PS. - I bet you belong in a category as I wrote :-) A few years ago I was in the "big EGO" category -a very ugly and silly situation.

SnooHesitations4922 · 2025-02-04T23:20:11+00:00

There is an empirical, anthropological reason.

For most of human history, getting rejected could mean death or exile from the tribe. Men developed a mechanism over time to prevent those consequences, which is still written into our d.n.a. It's called approach anxiety and it's part of our evolution.

While this anxiety comes natural to all of us, only a few of us know it can be disregarded because we no longer run in small tribes. Unless you don't do anything crazy, you probably won't get executed.

Woymalep_Yay · 2025-02-04T23:20:21+00:00

Because we want to avoid shame and humiliation.

We dont even have to grapple with that if we don’t try in the first place

We build things up in our head to justify not trying in the first place.

Maybe at one point in our life and developmental years We were ‘taught’ things always end bad. I mean if you ask out 1 person and they shoot you down hard, then by your own data collection this has happened 100% of the time. Even watching that happen to someone else or observing it happen in film, tv, music, books or social media posts could affect us.

In reality it will end neutrally or most likely positively (at least just a friendly experience).

To fix overthinking you gotta just not think as hard as you usually do, which will probably feel like not thinking at all.

I say in general, ‘Do first, think later.’ That way you get something done and then you have a place to direct your thinking.

Small-Acanthaceae567 · 2025-02-05T01:16:58+00:00

I would say a large reason (at least firbme) is that it has been drumbed in from early childhood that being creepy is a terrible thing.

Nobody wants to be creepy when they talk to a girl.

Getting used to opening conversations is the big hurdle IMO. Start the conversation.

Once you have jumped that and can do that, then try and move on to actual game.

Puzzleheaded-Trade46 · 2025-02-05T01:55:26+00:00

Social danger, reputation destruction, breaking the fourth wall

Honesty is dangerous and so is sticking your neck out

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-02-04T22:01:17+00:00

It’s simple; because it’s not within your comfort zone.

Remember when you were young and you were scared to go swimming in a swimming pool? You overthought everything:

What if I’m drowned
What if the water is deeper than I thought
What if the water is too cold
What if there’s a shark or crocodile in the water
What if people see me and know that I can’t swim.

So many what-if’s, even tho you know most of them are not true. But based on evolutionary process, it all makes sense. Because your brain wants you to survive, to stay within your comfort zone. Humans survive for hundreds of thousands of years because we can feel pain, because we know rejection doesn’t feel good, we know that feeling accepted and belonging to someone else or to a tribe increases our chance of survival.

Same thing with approaching. No matter how many books you read about ~~how to swim~~ how to approach, none of them would make you less scared. The only thing that does is by actually doing it. Make it as your new habit, so approaching a stranger is just within your comfort zone. The more you do it, the less scared you’d feel. That’s a guarantee because that’s how our brain works.

This is pretty much the same thing when you gotta talk in front of a classroom, or in front of your office while your friends or your coworkers watch and listen to you. Or how an entertainer gotta go to a stage to entertain thousands of people. First thing you do it, absolutely you’d feel scared and nervous. You do it a hundred times? You will like the feeling whenever you do it. You even can’t wait to do it again. You’ll really like doing it. You know you’re gonna crush it, just like the last time you did it.

originalgainster · 2025-02-04T22:14:39+00:00

We are afraid of rejection and we frame it in a bad way. Actually it’s a good thing.

habbo311 · 2025-02-05T00:00:55+00:00

You are scared of the rage. Think about it. Our DNA is not much different than cavemen. In fact we have 98.9% chimp and bonobo DNA overlap. Identical aside from 1.1%. how do you think cavemen dealt with rejection? Violence, rape was prevalent.

I'm not saying that violence and rape is acceptable but I am saying that is what often happened after a rejection, prior to human civilization and that it's our primate nature to react badly.

Civilization has made men turn the rage inwards instead of lashing out. That's where the fear comes from. It's like drinking concentrated negativity and having to digest it without being able to vomit it out

Necrovenge · 2025-02-05T00:41:18+00:00

Fear always occurs due to your mind believing that you lack preparation. If you cant get rid of your fear through thoughts and actions you are unprepared. Fear exists because you know that the possible failure will be devastating

pindarico · 2025-02-05T09:32:40+00:00

The fear of not being enough. This is a limit in seduction and life! Go get em tiger!

Jironasaurus · 2025-02-05T09:53:22+00:00

Rejection is not a fun feeling. And I don't think we need any explanation for why we feel that way. What's important is since we know we'll feel the fear, how best can we manage it?

Intelligent-Roll-763 · 2025-02-05T12:56:59+00:00

Approaching is about discipline and progressive desenticization. It's not about motivation. Feel free to DM me for more details I can't keep up with all the threads .

ympostor · 2025-02-05T13:04:29+00:00

I believe I have found a small formula to fight this, DM me if you want me to forward you the info (not selling anything btw)

bert_cj · 2025-02-05T20:43:07+00:00

I heard there was an evolutionary reason for this. Like being rejected = you and your bloodline will die off. Being rejected means you can get kicked out of your tribe and die as well.

Idk

Top-Donkey-5081 · 2025-02-06T07:23:06+00:00

Scared of what

RapFuzzy · 2025-02-06T07:38:08+00:00

You are scared to approach. Some people are not (hint means you can change it).

Because you don’t feel good enough (subconsciously) and perceive them as better than you and as a result you are fearful and get anxiety

Title	Why just why are we so scared?
Author	Perfect-Highway-6818
Upvotes	30
Comments	44
Date	February 4, 2025 8:49 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1ihs3i6/why_just_why_are_we_so_scared/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/why-just-why-are-we-so-scared.1542949 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542949

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