Assuming attraction sounds crazy to me

DaygameCode · 2025-01-02T00:12:17+00:00

If you genuinely believed you were the most attractive person on the planet, you might feel invincible, sure—but there’s a huge difference between confidence and arrogance.

Confidence means you know your value, but you also understand how to communicate that value in a way that respects and excites the other person. Arrogance, on the other hand, assumes your value is so obvious that you don’t need to care about how the other person feels.

Here’s the thing: attraction isn’t just about looks. Yes, being attractive opens doors, many doors actually, but it’s not enough to keep someone interested. For most women, emotional and social intelligence play a massive role in attraction.

If you approach someone with “Hey, I’m the hottest person you’ll ever meet, let’s f***,” you’re skipping the part that matters most—building emotional intrigue, trust, and excitement. You’re treating her like an object that should automatically comply instead of a person with her own desires and boundaries.

Even if you’re ridiculously attractive, your approach has to make her feel something. It’s not about convincing her you’re amazing; it’s about creating a moment where she feels drawn to you because of how you made her feel about herself in your presence. Because women derive far more pleasure by how you make them feel than by what they see.

That’s where emotional intelligence comes in—you’re reading her, understanding her vibe, and creating a dynamic where she feels safe and excited to lean into that attraction.

The most attractive people aren’t the ones who rely solely on their looks. They’re the ones who know how to create emotional tension, flirt in a way that’s playful but respectful, and leave the other person wanting more.

A blunt, overly sexual approach kills that tension because it comes off as lazy and one-dimensional. It’s like saying, “I think my looks are enough, so I don’t care about your experience in this interaction.” That’s not confidence—that’s entitlement.

So instead of thinking, “If I looked amazing, I could skip the work,” consider this: even the most attractive person can benefit from creating a meaningful connection.

Looks might catch someone’s attention, but how you make them feel will determine if they stick around. Confidence is sexy, but confidence paired with charm, wit, and understanding? That’s irresistible.

lildudefromXdastreet · 2025-01-02T00:27:05+00:00

Holy fuck, stop being a smart-ass and use common sense my guy.

The point of assuming attraction is so you don’t spend the entire convo second guessing yourself and instead focus on the conversation and escalation.

Chemical-Ads · 2025-01-02T00:19:48+00:00

if the most handsomest guy be doing this, even him would get rejected

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-01-02T01:18:04+00:00

The thing with the whole self-help world including seduction/dating areas is in order to make things easy to learn, the lessons are typically broken down to sound bites like the ones OP mentioned.

And it’s always pretty risky with sound bites because it’s always heavily contextual-based, so if you’re not careful you end up with totally messed-up interpretation or come across as pricks. It’s as if you wanted to scream “yeah confident BUT NOT LIKE THAT! You’re scaring her away!”

The whole first generation of PUA from Mystery, Neil, or even Ross they can walk on the fine thread, to me most of the stuff they taught are delicate and carried on carefully enough (even tho their analysis of the whole human behavior looked like on surface level or outdated but that’s another topic).

But years later I found these later generations (not all of course) come across as crass, even PUA’s have been made the parodies/caricatures of themselves from South Park to some tv series. It’s like yes you can be cocky, comfy, that’s fine. But don’t come on too strong with all that every single time, now you make yourself look like a mean, shallow, female-hater middle-aged guy offering crash courses in 3 days on how to get a woman. We all have that image in our head.

eablokker · 2025-01-02T10:31:19+00:00

Assuming attraction is not about believing you’re the handsomest guy in the world. It’s about assuming that SHE is attracted to YOU, regardless of your attributes. It’s not about you. It’s about her feelings for you.

I don’t remember where I heard this explanation, but there are 4 possible scenarios. She is either attracted to you or not. You can either assume she is attracted or not. There are 4 possible combinations of these scenarios. Let’s say you assume she’s not attracted and in fact she’s not attracted— you lose. You assume she’s not attracted and she is attracted—you lose. You assume she’s attracted and she’s not attracted—you lose. You assume she’s attracted and she is attracted—you win!

As you can see, the only possible winning outcome is when you assume she’s attracted. In all other scenarios, you lose.

If we look at game theory, the most effective winning strategy is to assume your opponent is playing cooperatively. If your opponent makes a move against you, you assume that it was a mistake or miscommunication and continue playing cooperatively. Only after 2 or 3 moves against you, then they have proven they are not playing cooperatively and you must strike back every time they strike you. This strategy beats out all other strategies in the long run.

It’s like assuming innocence until being proven guilty. Assume she is attracted until she has proven at least several times that she’s not.

therealwoujo · 2025-01-02T10:55:02+00:00

Even if the handsomest guy in the world asked a girl to fuck, it wouldn't work. Women need to build emotional investment in a guy before they want to hang out with him, much less sleep with him.

You don't need game because you are an ugly loser who needs to beg for women's validation. You need game because women have certain emotional needs that must be met before they want to have a romantic relationship with you.

Ok_Potential359 · 2025-01-02T00:19:55+00:00

Confidence is sexy.

If you think you’re ugly, you’ll act unattractive. If you think you’re sexy, it’ll reflect in how you carry yourself.

Dandys3107 · 2025-01-02T06:51:11+00:00

I would say that you should assume that she may like you, so you should come to her and figure it out yourself. The thing is we are often told to be reserved and humble by society, which turns out to not be helpful at all in terms of getting sexual partner. Follow mindsets and methods that work, you may not fully understand it as a beginner, but experience will hardly ever deceive you.

True_Degree5537 · 2025-01-02T07:32:42+00:00

Good looks only. No imagining things

dontsleepnerdz · 2025-01-02T07:29:03+00:00

It's gonna blow your mind when you eventually realize that the hottest guy would get rejected nearly every time going up to girls and saying "wanna fck."

Incels in general can't come to terms that it's a skill issue, not their looks

Appropriate-Ride-742 · 2025-01-02T13:10:49+00:00

Well you're right, it's just a strategy. The ugliest guy who has unshakable confidence is attractive, not because his confidence. Confidence is a confirmation of positive experiences, that's why people say to assume attraction. Confidence is just social proof, the more unaligned your looks to your value proposition the more she will test you and create disqualifiers.

Amaran345 · 2025-01-02T13:23:36+00:00

Don't assume anything, just focus on liking yourself and on liking her, secure attachment.

If she rejects you, no worries, you still like yourself, if she accepts you, great, you will treat her right because you like her as a person.

Assuming things is insecure attachment, you will be doing things without confirmation from her that she likes you, this can lead to huge misunderstandings and conflicts

epimpstyle · 2025-01-02T15:24:59+00:00

Assume whatever you want until the reality hits you and you wake up.

Electronic-Fix2851 · 2025-01-02T16:39:01+00:00

I think shows lack of understanding of women. Guys, sure, they see a hot person and just want to have sex. But women (generally) don’t work like that. Inhibitions are definitely lowered, sure, but it takes more for a woman to sleep with you.

I think what the principle is getting at (and what it should be replaced by) is that you don’t care what they think of you, you believe yourself to be attractive. You’re comfortable with the way you look, the way you act, the way you think. You don’t go up to someone worried that your hair isn’t as good today or that your favorite hobby is playing chess or that you’re looking for someone to have children with. You own that, unapologetically. You’re yourself and if she doesn’t like that? Who cares, it matters what you think about yourself and you’re just there to indicate to her who you are and to figure out if she’s a good match for you.

PeterLamb87 · 2025-01-02T21:33:44+00:00

Is not pretend she already likes you, because you dont, you need to understand you are a likeable person and bring lots of good stuff to the table, if you dont, then you need to work on it. Also you need to learn to be disconnected from the result.

Loud_Contract_689 · 2025-01-05T00:27:16+00:00

Yeah, presuming attraction is the wrong approach. It makes you look blatantly fake. Facing reality and owning up to it is more alpha (and therefore more attractive) than trying to pull some kind of confidence trick.

Known-Student-381 · 2025-01-06T21:53:20+00:00

I've been passionately in love with people (who felt the same way) and a blunt approach like that wouldn't work well. I'm afraid you fundamentally misunderstand how much of a dance this is. Attraction does not result in immediate romantic tension; that's something that must be built. Attraction just determines if you'll be invited to dance.

PleaseDontBeTakenPlz · 2025-01-02T02:10:09+00:00

So you’re saying you’d be an asshole. Even if in reality you’re an asshole, you’d just risk being rejected 9/10 times. Even if you’re hot. It may have a 2/5 success rate instead.

Yes, we like attractive men but we’re still human beings.

Fantastic-Life-2024 · 2025-01-02T06:53:41+00:00

It's great advice. It's how I live my life. Even the most handsome guys get rejected.

jackzander · 2025-01-02T07:08:46+00:00

In your fantasy, you treat women like you wish women would treat men.

That's not how any of this actually works.

prictorian · 2025-01-02T09:39:42+00:00

Women reflect back how you are, so if you go up all nervous and uncomfortable they will be too. If you talk to them like you have known them for ages and are comfortable they will respond like that.

InstructionAbject763 · 2025-01-02T06:02:40+00:00

As a woman, the most attractive man could just randomly come up to me and ask me to fuck and I'd say no

And some people do say yes to people for being attractive

Men do it too. Some guys will fuck women they don't like cuz she's hot

But for some reason guys make women seem evil because we like sex with attractive men.

As if men wouldn't much rather be with hot women.

Even if I'm attracted to a man, I still need to be seduced.

But like as a woman, I cannot be seduced by a man I don't find attractive.

And its not just a physical thing. A good 40% is looks. 30% is how the man carries himself and another 30% is how he goes about making me feel in the interaction

Like most women say yes because they feel seduced and it makes us feel good. And because the guy is attractive or at least carries himself well

Title	Assuming attraction sounds crazy to me
Author	Perfect-Highway-6818
Upvotes	42
Comments	66
Date	January 2, 2025 12:00 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1hrgc4i/assuming_attraction_sounds_crazy_to_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/assuming-attraction-sounds-crazy-to-me.1540120 https://theredarchive.com/post/1540120

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