Night 0, fail.

DJBJ · 2010-04-18T06:16:03+00:00

Even if you fall on your face, your still moving forward.

returnofdoom · 2010-04-18T08:32:18+00:00

I used to be very reclusive, and never went out at all. Pretty much every weekend night I was working, followed by sitting at home watching tv or playing video games until five or six in the morning. About five years ago I started to go out, and looking back I realize how dumb I was for being so self conscious about how I appeared and how nervous I was about talking to people. First of all, pretty much no one is paying attention to you unless you are sticking out for some reason. I see people alone at the bar all the time and never think twice about it. If someone has a few beers alone and fails at making small talk with the people at the bar, NO ONE is paying attention. The Mexican dude was definitely talking about something else, and perhaps didn't even say what you thought he said. Trust me, people at the bar don't focus on and/or judge others to that degree. But I know it's going to feel awkward going to the bar by yourself. You just have to keep at it. I'm guessing you don't have friends who are willing to go with you, or you would have taken them with you. My advice is simply to lighten up. Engage in conversation with the expectation that you are actually going to enjoy it. If it doesn't work out, so what? You're not going to be able to make friends with every person you come across. Eventually you will start to make acquaintances and it will feel a lot more natural. And once you have acquaintances, pulling tail is a lot easier because girls see that you are popular in the environment. Any way, you may feel like you failed tonight, but you got out there and made an effort, and that's fucking awesome.

MothershipConnection · 2010-04-18T09:36:19+00:00

The first couple times going out by yourself can be mortifying. I've gone out interacted with so little that I've gone home on the verge of breakdown wondering if things will ever get better (alcohol does not help in this case!). Thing is, people, and girls in particular, can sniff the vibe coming off you like a dog in heat. There's no real reason to be terribly self-conscious, even if you make a fool of yourself an entertaining fool it's better than being a boring wallflower.

But don't feel too down on yourself. You've learned something, you'll fight through it. I think more than anything, you've just gotta learn to drop the anxiety and give off a relaxed vibe. Even just bullshit small talk... it mostly bores me but you gotta work on it. Brush that dirt off your shoulders, you'll be fine... getting out at all is the first big step.

nooneinparticular · 2010-04-18T09:35:01+00:00

Congratulations man, you just did more than what 90% of men are willing to do.

I wish I had your balls.

throwaway543210 · 2010-04-18T08:11:12+00:00

Holy shit, you did it!

The first time I went to a bar alone, I didn't talk to anyone. Not the whole night. My only goal was: to get comfortable in a bar alone.

In my own head I pretended to have some sort of drama where I needed to be alone and brooding.

Two girls approached me during this night. One said, "What?" (that was her opener). When I looked at her, she said, "I thought you said something." It died after that. Another wanted me in a picture with her and her girlfriends. I didn't say a word to her, but she grabbed me and snapped the picture.

This was a very long time ago, but I remember it vividly. You had way more balls than I did. Good job. You'll look back fondly on this to see how much you've grown.

barryn13087 · 2010-04-18T07:04:06+00:00

"I went to a bar," I suggest start small like talk to cashiers, door openers, security personnel, taxi drivers, bus drivers, hell even talk to the dog in the pet store and if someone comments or talks back open with something or start a short conversation. If you have to talk to talk to like old ladies like your grandmothers friends or something just to get you accustom to talking to foreign women. Talk to everyone even guys just to get you into the talking vibe then when you have your confidence up find some girl around where you regularly go like the supermarket or like the train or the bus or something then move on from there. After you get the opening out the way making friends is easy, from there you are on your own. Remember you fail 100% of the shots you don't take.

antioche · 2010-04-18T06:53:50+00:00

Write down everything you could have done better to improve the outcome, then go out into the night again.

Horatio__Caine · 2010-04-18T09:09:05+00:00

Sounds like your environment wasn't target-rich enough for you to have good practice. Find a busier venue, where you can cut conversational threads with greater ease.

EvolutionTheory · 2010-04-18T07:40:45+00:00

Try searching for "routines" and "transition" and "cutting threads". Search various community forums or the web for information on those topics.

thefugue · 2010-04-18T20:20:12+00:00

Failures are the clearest markers of the road to success. All success is improvement on previous failure.

Barackattack · 2010-04-19T03:25:50+00:00

What city are you in?

rmbarnes · 2010-04-20T21:57:27+00:00

Going out solo can be scary. Even many people who would consider themselves confident would never do this, so the fact that you even tried is great.

When I go out solo I bar hop to make sure I don't stay in any one bar too long. I'll generally go in, get a drink, get the lay of the land, then open a set, leaving after I do so. This means that because you're not hanging around one place too long, you worry less that people are going to realise you're on your own.

2010-04-18T14:10:34+00:00

I remember someone saying the first 2,000 approaches don't count. Remember this.

Title	Night 0, fail.
Author	nooneinparticular
Upvotes	10
Comments	43
Date	April 18, 2010 6:12 AM UTC (16 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bsjld/night_0_fail/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/night-0-fail.1310170 https://theredarchive.com/post/1310170

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