It’s been said multiple time’s here but stay away from men who are enmeshed with their mothers too much.

The mom will become the third wheel in your relationship.

At first you might think it’s wholesome he has a ‘good relationship’ with his mom. And I can see why. But what a man claims as ‘good’ aka beneficial to him, might be what we FDSers would class as toxic, enmeshed and dependent.

Let me give a word of warning: men who go on and on about how they respect women because of their mother….are often lying. And low value. It’s all a front so you think they have a healthy view of women

They’re trying to convince you they respect women but quite often these guys are slimey and calculated. And very disrespectful to women they date in private. But they know what to parrot and present to women. If their mommy buys their wholesome front why shouldn’t you? They see you as second mommy.

They like mommy because she only sees the good in him. They have endless praise for her because she may have stuck by the cheating father and let her son get away with murder out of ‘love’.

These pick me moms don’t understand boundaries at all. The same way they chased for attention in their romantic lives, they do the same with their son. Smothering.

Sometimes these moms know their son is trash too and will say ‘I tried my best’ and in the next breath will be putting his prospective girlfriend down and claiming no one is good enough for their trash son.

Their whole theory is ‘I know he’s a shit to women but he’s MY little shit’ 🤢

These women are petty, insecure and childish. They like playing little games and competing against you.

It’s embaressing that a grown woman would act so possessive of her adult son, excuse his bad behaviour and even sabotage his relationships out of jealousy.

In this way they make sure the son is only used to dating pick mes and getting away with his bullshit. Which is just bizarre because they’ve often been pick mes in their own failing relationships - so they know that doesn’t work. They have a fear of being abandoned by the son too.

When she starts constantly calling him when he’s with you trying to steal attention, you will quickly realise there’s more to this dynamic than you think.

Also be aware some men use ‘mommy calling’ as a cover for cheating. Be suspicious of men telling you about their supposed sick mom or heavy personal stuff 1 date in. Especially if he grins after she called. This is a hooking technique used by sociopath pick up artists. Playing on your empathy and trying to forge intimacy or sympathy fast. Then they have an excuse to be ‘busy’.

You will quickly realise she is trying to sabotage his relationships and get all attention on her.

Most times this will actually do you a favour because both himself and his mother are low value and full of drama.

Now I know not everyone is privileged to come from a healthy family & this can set you back when dating but if your partner has realised they do, used them as a lesson on how not to be and sets firm boundaries and is focused on not repeating the same cycle - that is a positive sign.

But the proof is in their actions and mentality. They should seem embarrassed by their family’s actions. And grateful for a chance of stability.

Likewise those of you from unstable backgrounds should be careful of men trying to take advantage of that. Immature men from cushioned homes may be pompous and not appreciate stability the same since they haven’t fought for peace.

They may have overbearing parents or pick me moms who put up with crap. They may be spoiled brats who prefer sabotaging vulnerable women because they have a comfortable family to fall back on and they know you don’t. Watch their actions & be careful of men white knighting. If all their ex’s are crazy - it’s likely they preyed on vulnerable women and made them that way.

Some men like preying on and rescuing struggling women for their ego - only to exploit them later since they take everything good for granted. Again watch out for arrogance, entitlement, immaturity, hot/cold behaviour and boundary violations. The bait and switch. Keep trauma to trusted therapists.

If the mom is actively negging you & he’s still enmeshed with her - get out of there!

He won’t set boundaries with her or recognise her behaviour as suffocating or toxic. He will often be a ‘mommys boy’ Aka his pick me mom thinks the sun shines out of his ass and did everything for him. Cooking. Cleaning his room. Buying anything he wants. Even as an adult. She will often let him live there rent free at 25+. Also watch how any brothers are treated. Is he a single dad still living with mom at 32? Lol, get out of there.

He expects women to give him the same ‘unconditional love’ his pick me mom did and basically compete with her.

Except his mom is a family member and isn’t really there by choice. A girlfriend is there by choice and can leave anytime she’s being mistreated. As she should.

In almost all cases, and I’m trying to not generalise here, the mom was divorced and had developed some emotional incest relationship with her son. Filling a void.

It’s like she had replaced the father with her son and was trying to gain pick me supply through him instead.

To the point where they get jealous of him dating or having another woman in his life. Which is just honestly creepy.

A lot of times these are the types of moms who claim their son needs ‘mommy approval’ first. They have to be the main character organising their sons life.

This is a red flag that he’s immature and codependent on women’s Labour.

I’m sorry but this idea is cringe to me.

You are not in a relationship with his mother.

Yes if you get serious you will form some sort of bond - but quite frankly he is a grown adult and she should butt out of his decisions. Especially if you’re not serious yet.

You’re barely on date 3 and mommy is constantly calling and prying. Sorry that’s cringe when the guy is 27. And highly offputting to a woman.

Id be weary of grown men who move at the speed of light rushing you to meet their mother & move in together. They usually do that a lot. It’s part of the lovebombing. Oh we’re just instant soul mates! Let me saddle you with kids & tie you down b4 you wise up & escape!

Sometimes they want mommys approval after a few weeks b4 proceeding (red flag - ditch it there) or they want to show off their prized possession to mommy ‘see mom I CAN get a classy woman to stay! I’m a real boy, not Pinocchio!’

Meanwhile you’re the 6th bird they’ve dragged to their mom that year. If the moms a slimey pick me type she’ll go along with the act just to later mock you.

Also pay attention to how the mom speaks of you even if she is warm to you- does she seem shocked that he’s all loved up for once? Does he have a history of short flings? Is she desperate for him to get hitched? (Red flag)

Pry about his childhood & values - was he a little shit with anger problems? Was this his own fault? Does he seem like a pompous overgrown brat? Does he spit his dummy out over the slightest inconvenience?

These pick me moms will actually try and triangulate you against their son.

Most often these women were pick mes in relationships and can’t stand attention being taken away from them. They quickly get jealous of women.

If they have daughters they are usually far tougher on them than their sons. So pay attention to that.

You don’t need the added drama in your life and these men almost always turn out low value. Far from what they claim. Also you’re never going to ‘outshine’ the pick me mom in his eyes- so get out of there.

Be careful of enmeshed sons. A lot are slimey cheaters who act wholesome and innocent to their mom. Sometimes mom will even cover for him.