We already know that boundaries are essential to leading a life free of trouble. For women, poor boundaries not only equate to mental, physical, and emotional setbacks/traumas, they have the capacity to endanger her life.

Before you even think of going on a date with a man, your standards have to be set in place, and so are your boundaries; remember, one does not go without the other. So, what should be your strategy before you’re out, dating men? What may help you establish boundaries that safeguard your time and energy?

Therefore, I suggest you do the following:

–– Research: What do boundaries mean? Do you have a good knowledge of what they stand for? Do you believe that you have a hard time understanding what yours are, exactly? Do you have a hard time asserting your boundaries (leaving at the first sign of X or Y)?

–– Reflection: Create a list of different types of boundaries (physical, emotional, mental, financial, etc). Start with the common ones for each category, then dive deeper. Set a goal of writing down one or two boundaries you may think of every day. Make notes of how you can best assert yourself effectively and safely in the event of X, Y, and Z.

–– Mindfulness: Keep a log of boundaries that you set. Compare them to the ones you have written down. Have you had a chance to set a boundary today, but chose not to? Reflect on the reason, validate yourself, and explore your intuition.

–– Validation: It is extremely important that you get into the habit of validating your boundaries, as well as your intuition. Oftentimes, women are abused, threatened, and coerced into compliance. If, upon deep reflection, you decided that it was more safe to stay silent and remove your presence (rather than verbally assert your boundary) with a shady co-worker, for instance, make sure to validate your intuition. Make sure to reward yourself for putting up a boundary, as this will help you protect yourself.

Suggested format:

— [your boundary, detailed description/definition of said boundary]

• [where does the boundary apply]

• [standards that apply to the boundary]

Validate that choosing absence is also an action of setting a boundary. In fact, it is the one and only course of action that FDS teaches women of.

I cannot stress enough the importance of self-validation (more on that later). If you cannot validate your own reality, you will have a very hard time setting an adequate boundary (leaving and blocking) — at best, it will put you at a disadvantage; at worst, it will have you dangerously involved with LV/NV men for longer than necessary.

Growing into accepting the validity of your intuition and critical thinking abilities does take time, but it is an essential asset in your closet of strategies. In the meantime, you have to organize, reflect, and set limitations to ensure that you make space for high-value people, activities, work, and else.

Reminder: your boundaries are a reflection of your standards (+ deal-breakers) and vice versa.

So, now that you have all of your boundaries outlined and thoroughly studied, how do you proceed dating men organized and with caution?

Reminder: you need to block and delete at the: 1) first red flag; 2) first sign of disrespect to you and/or others; 3) first sign of inconsistency; 4) first deal-breaker; 5) first breach of your (any) boundary; 6) simply if the intuition tells you so; 7) any incompatibility related to lifestyle/goals/vision, etc;

Pro-tip: Create a fake (safe) boundary that will help you gauge his character. You may read more about the “Blood in the Water” test, too.

A good example of safeguarding would be to set certain limitations to, for example, your time. Even though this may be applied to other variables (affection, affirmations, sex), in the context of dating, safeguarding your time may look like:

–– You understand that your time choices dictate your quality of dating.

–– Your standard is concise, outlined, and set to be of high value: you only date men who are punctual (bare minimum, time-related standard); you only agree to go on pre-reserved dates that fit your standard(s) of high X value.

–– You safeguard your time by allowing only [X amount] hour-long, weekly dates with pre-approved men. You make no exceptions to this rule, unless you need to cancel or leave the date.

–– You safeguard your time by not allowing meaningless texting and/or calling with a man in-between dates until you reach [X amount] of months; past [X amount] of months, you either escalate, introduce a new standard, or keep the time standard constant whilst having X standard overcompensate (by adding more value to your life/relationship).

–– You safeguard your time by blocking any man who takes [X amount of] time to reserve the next date with you.

–– You safeguard your time by blocking any man who takes [X amount of] time to have the “exclusivity talk” with you.

–– You assert both your standard and boundaries by dropping men who fail to respect your boundaries or do not fit any of your other standard(s) of high value.

This is the format that you may use to write down your standards, boundaries, and course of action in the context of dating

Edit: added more commentary and fixed the grammar/punctuation.