I can feel my sex drive DIE when my BF vents about his insecurities :|

softrevolution_ · 2021-10-12T21:07:55+00:00

I'm getting a distinct air of "I don't respect this man anymore, if I ever did". This is not the first time you've referred to him as your child. I wonder if it's best for you to consider whether this relationship, with this man, has truly run its course? It sounds like you want to change him into someone he just isn't. Like he needs emotional support you feel it's not masculine enough to need. Perhaps you would be better off looking for more of a stoic.

sinisterforces · 2021-10-13T00:31:02+00:00

You don’t seem to respect him. I understand that you feel confidence is attractive, it is - I agree. But if you cared then you wouldn’t shame him for lack thereof but support him instead. Honestly while I understand the fundamentals of this all I think many people still forget that we need to see people as human beings with all that includes.

anothergoodbook · 2021-10-12T21:19:26+00:00

Being married to a man who exudes confidence (even though I know many times he is not) is amazing. I’m very attracted to him because he just stands up straight and gets to work at whatever it is. Even when he’s frustrated that he can’t figure something out he doesn’t seem insecure about it. Nothing I ever did (at least as far as I know) made him that way.

I would put forward the idea that dating is exactly there for this reason. If you don’t respect him now - you won’t. He isn’t going to change if you are more submissive. You could bring it up to him, but honestly that would just be a catch-22.

Leg_Mcmuffin · 2021-10-12T21:59:59+00:00

How often is this happening?

Nandemodekiru · 2021-10-12T21:39:12+00:00

It’s as simple as “You’re new, of course you’re lost. But you can do it, I believe in you. Everyone starts off this way, but it won’t last forever. I love you and believe in you, babe.”

And end it there. If he keeps going on with it, then just put your foot down.

“Knock it off. I understand that you’re stressed and anxious, but you chose this job and this position. Stop talking down about yourself, because it won’t do you any favors. Again, I believe in you and have confidence that you / WE will get through this. But you must have confidence in yourself too. You’re in charge of your own fate. You got this, alright?”

That is, of course…. if you still want to be with him.

My mom used similar words when my dad was complaining about his job too. She called him out on his shit and left him stumped. With a hand on her hip and everything 😂 Don’t coddle him. Encourage, but firmly and resolutely. He is in charge of his own fate.

Careless-Scientist88 · 2021-10-12T21:08:51+00:00

Does the loss of sex drive when he talks about his insecurities carry into other times when he does project confidence or simply when there is nothing that takes away from his masculine image?

FabulousSurround201 · 2021-10-13T08:56:12+00:00

I think he secretly hopes that you would disagree and praise him instead...

stasiafl · 2021-10-12T21:01:47+00:00

It might help if you try to heighten his self esteem. Praise him and when he expresses insecurity negate them. Like tell him: "How can you be struggling, you're so smart (strong, good at..., anything else).

Tolseypick · 2021-10-12T21:52:34+00:00

Totally get it! Also makes me feel like a b*!

Does he have anyone else he can vent to like some guy friends or an online community? Does he know what effect it has on you? Something else to think about is also that you might be unknowingly encouraging it - do a lot of other people in your life talk to you about their insecurities?

I really don't think it's a dealbreaker like others are saying if the rest of the relationship is good. No partner is perfect!

lavachequirie · 2021-10-13T02:21:01+00:00

Maybe sounds like the wrong guy for you... I get it though. Some men just aren’t attractive once you get to know how they handle things. My partner is the first guy to never turn me off when he talks about his insecurities or problems. He somehow maintains his masculinity through it.

Maybe it’s worth talking to your partner about? It might be a hurtful conversation but if you can be as gentle as possible in expressing your point of view…. Idk. Does he share red pill values too?

TheBunk_TB · 2021-10-13T02:56:59+00:00

Tell him that he is better off saving it for a trusted male friend or counselor. Tell him that you feel like you are not the best person to tell

ResponsibleYak724 · 2021-10-13T05:24:38+00:00

That's just part of being a woman. Your desire is predicated on his strengths, not his weaknesses. You can't blame yourself.

He needs to step up and be the man you know deep down you need. He needs to be a rock, a hero. He needs to be a man.

It's a harsh reality but women are neither built to understand or accommodate men's problems or struggles. As men we need to love women for what they are rather than resent them for what they simply can never be.

Women can still be wonderful compliments to men's lives.

This is a hard hump to get over. I'll explain deeper when I'm off work.

oriorioooo · 2021-10-13T06:52:50+00:00

I felt a similar way about my ex, i dumped him (there were other problems too)

jayval90 · 2021-10-13T15:25:42+00:00

I think you need to look through the problem rather than at it. You can't help the feelings that you get when he expresses insecurities. But maybe the point isn't to feel turned on by him at every second of the day, but to figure out how to inspire that confidence so that he does make you attracted to him.

So look at it as a long-term deal. Work now, play later. And no, it's probably not as obvious as being a listener. Maybe ask for his help doing something (something that you know he is competent in).

ahmedino95 · 2021-10-15T09:09:11+00:00

Women: "men need to open up more and not bottle up their feelings. I wish he could tell me what's on his mind."

Man shows emotion and is in need of support from his partner.

Women: "This isn't masculine. You're turning me off."

Smh.

Artistic-Match-5051 · 2021-10-16T12:21:14+00:00

Express that he needs to get more guy friends or family/ brothers to I.E. "vent" to. Explain what it's doing at this time women will take alittle complaining but what your feeling is natural.

pearlsandstilettos · 2021-10-16T18:00:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I can feel my sex drive DIE when my BF vents about his insecurities :\|
Author	rutababeba
Upvotes	41
Comments	52
Date	October 12, 2021 8:56 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/q6vi76/i_can_feel_my_sex_drive_die_when_my_bf_vents/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-can-feel-my-sex-drive-die-when-my-bf-vents-about.1079879 https://theredarchive.com/post/1079879

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