Wife told me not to come home.. whats my options

KneeDeepThought · 2021-10-31T15:11:48+00:00

She does not have the power to evict you from your own home. As you already noted you should not leave the marital home or she can claim abandonment. Her next move however is to claim abuse and use a false allegation to get a restraining order against you to force you out. Record all interactions with her and stay apart from her as much as possible while you're on the property. She could still get an emergency restraining order against you and temporarily force you out but you should be able to get that overturned. The problem is the lag time between when the order is filed and when you can get in front of a judge. She can liquidate all your assets while you're forced out of the house and you're just screwed.

Get all your personal valuables out of her reach immediately by making your car a rolling safe or leaving them with a friend you trust. This will minimize the damage she can do with the restraining order. Never leave her alone with your phone, keys, or wallet.

At this point she's going to do everything in her power to wreck your life you just have to systematically take away her offensive options.

oli_21_ · 2021-10-31T15:41:41+00:00

Southern Cali boy here.. not sure that matters in this case.

Oh if you get served papers.....it's absolutely going to matter.

I'd get cameras installed ASAP.....and until you get them installed I'd have your phone on recording any time she's around you. If the police get involved one of you is going to have to leave.

Remain calm and show the officers the footage. Record everything.

Yes you pay for the house. I wouldn't leave......if she has an issue then she can leave. REMAIN CALM and level headed with any interactions. Her and her lawyers end game is to get you out of the house. A restraining order WILL be filed.

If I were you I'd be preparing for war.....and it's not going to be pretty.

Gxl4 · 2021-10-31T15:52:23+00:00

Dont come home? Well, that would be the exact place i would go. If she has such balls, she can pack her shit.

Document everything, lawyer the fuck up, communicate through the lawyer. game on.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2021-10-31T15:52:27+00:00

I have just three words for you; Record, Record, Record.

Every single second you are in the house you need to have a recorder on. Preferably video, but at least audio.

Unfortunately, I believe California is a two-party state which means you might get in trouble for recording, but if it's a choice between getting in trouble for recording or going to jail for a fake Domestic Abuse accusation I'll take the problems from recording.

Good luck brother. You're going to need it.

sicrm · 2021-10-31T16:09:58+00:00

if you move out, you’ll still have to pay for the house.

then she can bring whoever she wants over on your dime while either find somewhere to crash or pay for another place.

hire one of those lawyers you talked to you trust in a war and start taking preventive measures.

NoSeaworthiness4436 · 2021-11-01T03:19:59+00:00

All of this make me never want to marry :(

SwamiSweatSocks · 2021-10-31T16:06:35+00:00

I was advised to get the filing in because if she files for a restraining order after you file it will look like she's trying to take revenge for you filing for divorce. I'm sure it wouldn't hurt.

FightinSean · 2021-10-31T19:54:20+00:00

Do not voluntarily leave the home. That is one of the worst mistakes a man can make.

Throwaway4120213 · 2021-10-31T20:49:06+00:00

Go back home.

Record everything. Stay away from her. Do not under any circumstance raise your voice or get into an argument with her. Stay calm and grey rock.

File ASAP.

Post filing earnings are yours. Once you file - move those paychecks to a separate account. Start saving to pay your legal fees.

BreakfastOk2255 · 2021-10-31T21:07:56+00:00

Do not leave your house that you are paying for. If you did, you'd have to keep paying for a house you don't live in. If she wants to separate - she can leave!

Funny_Wolverine_9 · 2021-11-01T00:10:01+00:00

Here is what happened to me: I also decided NOT to leave the house based on advise from everyone. Know what happened? She accused me of rape to get me out by force to the police and for the past 2.5 years I've been fighting it in criminal court.

I do suggest you start secretly audio recording EVERY interaction 24/7 if you decide to stay in the house. Be careful as false allegations really begin when custody/separation become issues.

Calm_Tomato · 2021-11-01T02:51:06+00:00

She can NOT evict you!! Stay in the house. Record everything. My STBXW told me to look for a place while we went through divorce. I told her straight…. I’m not going anywhere. This is my house too. I pay all the bills here. Thankfully we are all done just waiting for the 6 month period to pass. Mid January is when our marriage will dissolve. We got all the paperwork from the courts and everything is done. She’s moving out in December. I’m stressed, nervous and excited for the future. We both worked it out and we’re amicable for the most part. We have 2 young kids so that kept us in check.

thedarkaquarian007 · 2021-10-31T20:26:11+00:00

If you get married in the state of California without an airtight prenup, and you are the breadwinner you are fucked! Period!

Get a lawyer! Now. 1, record all interactions with your wife.

dday_throwaway3 · 2021-10-31T20:44:14+00:00

Go home. It's your residence. Stop listening to what she tells you. She isn't an attorney, and she doesn't have your best interests at heart.

Here's why you go home: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=81622

Make sure you are ready to combat false DV charges: http://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=80375

TheRealJamesWax · 2021-10-31T17:45:17+00:00

Thank God I live in WA….

Hey, OP…. First off, I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like a nightmare.

Are either or both of you substance users?

Again…. I’m really sorry.

riddeford · 2021-11-01T03:04:04+00:00

After a really inexcusable name-calling session in front the children, I packed up some stuff and left for two days. I returned and declared my intention to divorce and found an apartment within that week. I still had to stay for another two weeks and we worked out a temporary arrangement. But I live in South Carolina so the clock does not start ticking until one person physically moves out then you can file after a year- unless you can prove infidelity. I have suspected my wife for sometime, but could never prove it, and I don’t feel like spending money on a private investigator. Besides, I’m sure she’s being careful if there was anything going on with the person I suspect.

But that doesn’t really matter- the years of disrespect, horrible behavior, and complete disregard for any budget or financial responsibility we’re reasons enough to make me file. I kept trying to convince myself that it was going to get better, but after that particularly bad fight I realize that nothing was ever going to change.

Yes, it’s going to really affect my finances since my wife doesn’t work. She’s only been out of work for two years since my daughter’s schedule with therapy required her to be available to drive and what not, but STBX can easily get a teaching job and she has a Master’s. I currently have to pay for all the house expenses and my new apartment, her Jag lease, etc. I was able to find some thing down the street so I am there at the house every morning to take my son to school, and at night to tuck them into bed. I currently take them one night a week together, and my special needs daughter I take two other nights during the week to my apartment and drive her to school the next morning. Both my wife and I lawyered up, and I’m currently waiting for her lawyer to present the first proposed marriage settlement. I’m sure I will not be 100% OK with it, and then my lawyer and I will propose a counter offer. once we agree on it, this is what we will follow for the next year until we can officially divorce and finalize it.

I really had no choice but to leave. I did think about it for a few days but when I spoke to a lawyer and she said that there was year wait, and that period doesn’t start until I physically move out, I decided I had him do it right now. There was no way I was going to stay one second longer in the dumpster fire of a marriage. As soon as I’m separated from STBX, i’m confident I can rebuild from any financial destruction. She’s always pushed us into debt no matter how much I made.

And I really don’t care. There’s a chance I may be penniless after this and stuck with alimony for a few years in addition to child support of course. But it’s worth it. Luckily, my wife does eventually want us to have 50-50 custody because she needs to party and have a freedom.

RStonePT · 2021-11-01T09:45:28+00:00

Leaving the home counts as familial abandonment, talk to a lawyer but it's generally a bad strategy

LeadingFriendship589 · 2021-11-01T18:53:37+00:00

You gotta get served like yours truly with an Order of Protection..Yeah, bitching and yelling count. Then I get Divorce Papers next day. In AZ. Says she scared. Been with her 31 years. Umm nice try. You used it as an advantage…It’s about leverage. We had agreed on an offer, well guess what. You had me ejected, I’m not going for that. I’m the dude, she asked me out, who married a woman who made 40 percent more. The offer was to save her 401k. Well I miss her care about her. She’s watching Dateline too much. Hang in there dudes

Title	Wife told me not to come home.. whats my options
Author	tanotsurewhattodo12
Upvotes	10
Comments	30
Date	October 31, 2021 3:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/qjrb1f/wife_told_me_not_to_come_home_whats_my_options/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/wife-told-me-not-to-come-home-whats-my-options.1080788 https://theredarchive.com/post/1080788

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