I want a baby like, now. My husband does not.

MarchBaby21 · 2021-11-13T18:33:51+00:00

I would check in to see if he still agrees with the timeline of having a baby when you’re 28. The reality is, that was your agreed upon timeline and now you want to move it up. Money is just an excuse- he isn’t ready. Make sure he’s still ready for the timeline you guys already set up because I agree that that’s really the latest you want to start trying if you want multiple kids.

My husband pressured me into having a child before I was ready. It has been incredibly hard to recover from that in our marriage. Being pressured into taking on the biggest responsibility of your life is a horrible feeling. We’ve had to seek out marriage counseling and it’s the hardest thing we’ve ever gone through (and we’ve been through a lot). Trust me, if waiting 1 extra year for a baby means that you have a husband who is excited and on board, it is well worth the wait.

TheTwincessMaker · 2021-11-13T19:50:55+00:00

I agree that your husband may not be ready. He also may just be enjoying the extra funds, while he can, before its all spent on diapers and daycare. Talk to him. Ask him about the timeline you set together and if he plans to revise it and how. If he wants another year, you may have to compromise and agree to wait if he agrees to reign in his spending and buckle down to pay off your debt.

Regardless of your life goals, you have debt to pay off and you need to make a budget, not a vague plan. You should be allotted a certain amount for your wants and he should be allotted the same for his. You should both be working toward the same goal and honoring this budget. It's tough to do this, but finances will only get tougher once a baby comes along. I live in one of the cheapest parts of the country and pay $800 a month for childcare, per baby.

I don't think he understands how common it is not to conceive immediately. Is there anything I can do other than to STFU and stand by as we make minimal financial progress?

I'm glad you realize that you might not conceive immediately. The extension of that is, of course, that you might not conceive without medical assistance. That's a legitimate concern, as is wanting multiple children and having time for that. STFU is referencing mowing the lawn or fixing the front door, not making life plans. You're allowed to discuss your goals and how your combined spending impacts them. You're allowed to ask him if he still wants to do this on the same timeline. Just do so calmly, be willing to listen, and be prepared for an answer you don't like.

WeWearMirrors · 2021-11-13T20:59:15+00:00

I'm guessing that in your husband's mind, you two agreed on 28 as the age you'd start trying for a baby? while in your mind, 28 was more like an "if-all-else-fails" kind of plan and you really wanted to start earlier?

I feel like we all do that. I've often given my husband a "lite" version of a plan, all while hoping in the back of my mind that I'd get more than I asked for. This sometimes works but not always.

For what it's worth, 28 is not too old to try for a baby, and it doesn't mean you can't have multiple kids. I was 30 when we tried for our first, and it took a month to get pregnant. The same thing happened when we tried for our second a few years later. I know that everyone has a different experience, but the odds are that things will be fine for you! If I were you, I'd try to just enjoy the next year and make more memories with your husband. Trust me - when the two of you are up all night stressing out over diapers and spit, you want to have lots of good memories to look back on. Good luck!!

RiseAndPanic · 2021-11-13T18:12:02+00:00

This was my last relationship almost to a tee. At the end of the day, our timetables and priorities looked very different and despite multiple discussions, we were at an impasse. Now we weren’t actually married, so I realize this is a different ballgame. When was the last time you guys have had a ‘check in’ conversation about this topic? Can you excitedly bring up how much you’re saving and spin it in a positive light to get him motivated? As another commenter said though, at the end of the day he may not be ready for some time even despite this. Worst case scenario, be prepared to have some honest and potentially difficult conversations.

HappyBear1952 · 2021-11-13T23:55:10+00:00

Agree with the sentiments that having a baby is a large issue for most young men, and most people will not really be completely ready. However, since you've already agreed to having a baby and 28, and now want to change that agreement to start trying a 26 instead, I suggest the following. Regarding looking for a compromise, if he will concede to your sooner time frame, perhaps you could agree to some lower spending, like agreeing not ask for a new house or car when the baby comes, or some other thing that will reduce the financial burden and pressure on him.

maevenbelle · 2021-11-13T23:58:37+00:00

The other angle you may want to discuss with your SO is how old you want to be at the end of the road? I can tell you at 44 with a 17, 13, 11 and 9 year old between my husband and I (we are a blended family, the younger two belong to me) I am slightly jealous of those of my friends who had kids earlier because they are younger when their kids are flying the coop so they are traveling and enjoying that aspect of life. I still have a ways to go.

Just another thought and discussion point for you.

Newbie1955 · 2021-11-14T20:36:58+00:00

Prioritizing fun things instead of paying down debt is very concerning to me. It sounds like you have an agreed upon budget and he is not following it, correct? Is there any reason you can't be in charge of the budget for the next 6 months? Some people, including men, just aren't great at money. He still needs some fun money, but there is no reason he shouldn't be on a fun budget if there is debt that needs to be paid down and financial goals to be met. If there has been no or very little progress towards financial goals in the past few months, then I would recommend suggesting a change-up and putting you in charge for 6 months.

vanillapopsicle · 2021-11-13T22:40:01+00:00

I think you’re looking at it wrong. Having children is important to YOU. You also have a shorter timetable. If you miss your window, it may never happen. Therefore you have to be incredibly ruthless with your time. If you have to break up with him, it could take years to find a man, get engaged, etc..

Those are your non negotiables. If he doesn’t give you your non negotiables, you move on. This isn’t some small thing. It’s a major thing. And it sounds like he isn’t respecting it, spending his money on shit and then saying “financial reasons”.

Ladies, be ruthless with your clock! There is zero shame in it. The consequences are MUCH more serious for you if you miss your window. Do not be ashamed of standing firm on your major life goals. I see so many women lacking confidence on this and I don’t understand why.

BlankPages · 2021-11-13T17:59:23+00:00

He doesn't want a baby on your timetable. Guys use that "can't afford it" excuse as a way to act like they're considering your request and came to a logical conclusion & you should know to drop the issue so he can stop hearing about babies from you. This is your signal to think about other options. You will be lucky to get permission from him to procreate when you are 37.

SecretFeminine · 2021-11-14T09:47:04+00:00

I haven't seen anyone mention concern about his ability to budget. I understand you have passed this over to him but if it would take you 6 months to pay off your credit cards (you said consumer debt so I am guessing that is what you mean) then you are living above your means and children or not, this would alarm me.

Key-Progress-8873 · 2021-11-13T19:57:59+00:00

It's probably not finances. It's probably the prospect of such a radical change overwhelming him. A change of environment, with less noise and less responcibilities will let him think this over clearly and probably see he would like a child as well. See if you can be among nature together with peace and quiet anytime soon.

cbunni666 · 2021-11-14T02:06:28+00:00

Sounds like he's not fully on board with the "family" part, I'm afraid.

AngusKirk · 2021-11-13T21:41:23+00:00

>avoiding children for finantial reasons

Make a business plan and show him you can do it.

Seriously, now. There's people raising children in poverty wages everywhere in the world, he obviously doesn't want nothing to do with children or is scared shitless of the prospects of having to deal with it.

ariablake69 · 2021-11-14T00:29:30+00:00

The way I would just try to seduce him and fuck him as much as I can to get myself knocked up. I hate kids. Not important to me at all, but if it was, I’d just keep fucking him. Idc if it’s trapping, manipulative whatever…. We start becoming less fertile in our 30s. Just do it. Regret it later if you have to 🤷‍♀️.

Title	I want a baby like, now. My husband does not.
Author	Blueyucca
Upvotes	39
Comments	62
Date	November 13, 2021 5:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/qt6d1m/i_want_a_baby_like_now_my_husband_does_not/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-want-a-baby-like-now-my-husband-does-not.1084291 https://theredarchive.com/post/1084291

Comments