Think twice before you get into a long distance relationship

IndividualRoutine661 · 2021-11-27T13:01:27+00:00

I’d agree with this, I’ve been in relationships with partner who worked away but was still based in the same town. I myself have had jobs with substantial international travel. That is all ok, but only if you are based in the same place.

Otherwise you are investing hella time maintaining something virtually and a lot of time/money travelling to see a man that would be better invested in yourself, your education, nice holidays with girlfriends etc.

This is why the FDS Handbook says no LDR.

Sewud · 2021-11-27T14:10:36+00:00

I traveled to a third world country to volunteer and a guy from there wanted to date me haha. I was naive and saw nothing wrong with it because I saw us all as equal, but I think I was wrong. When I tried to go back to my country he was like no you can't leave me and from there on he was like controlling my life and dictating my life, forcing me to go back there because he demanded it and because he was anxious that he would lose me. He was emotionally manipulative. Despite him being the clingy one and the one afraid to lose me, he still did what LVMs do. Like complain that I want to go out too much, refuse to do activities, force me to have sex all the time. Some bad things he did were lie about his drug use and force me to have sex without condom when I didn't want to. But the whole time I felt bad because it seemed like he was the poor suffering one. The truth is local women don't want to date him because women in third world country have higher standards for the man needing to be manly and a provider.

bleda_princezna · 2021-11-27T14:00:27+00:00

Agreed. Learned that the hard way unfortunately. I only know of one couple in a long distance relationship working out and that's just because they knew each other well for years before getting into the relationship and they also make sure to spend time with each other on a regular basis and keeping in touch when they can't.

Frogspocket · 2021-11-27T20:06:53+00:00

I have another con to add. I dated a musician who toured most of the year. People always commented about how we seemed so in love and they couldn't believe how long we'd been together. Lol. We WERE super happy and in love. But it's because we didn't even know each other. Not really. Not in the way couples with similar timelines knew each other. So what happened is when we moved in together it felt weird. We felt uncomfortable but tried to downplay it. I got depressed. We broke up later for different reasons but it was definitely a big lesson learned for me. I have lots of friends who work in the industry and it's a very common phenomenon. Usually couples like this will be together for a long time (while the band is being established). And then finally when they get married they learn that they don't actually KNOW each other (not in the same way that tight knit couples who spent actual years of them together do).

A lot of the spark and magic of love comes from the distance. those relationships and marriages implode. It sucks. I'd never so long distance ever again unless I didn't want anything long term or serious.

basicbagels · 2021-11-27T17:56:00+00:00

Agreed. Long distance relationships leave so much room for deceit…

Jinxhourglass · 2021-11-27T22:56:22+00:00

It’s also hard to find out if someone thinks long distance relationships are valid. I met a guy who introduced himself as having a girlfriend. Later that night he asked me out several times and I said no. He tried to say that his LDR isn’t a real relationship to him because of the distance and he would take her more seriously if she didn’t live out of state, as if that would make his cheating attempts any better. Total clown.

cousins_and_cattle · 2021-11-27T19:04:04+00:00

Thank you for posting this. The relationship I am in now (which I am trying to exit; it’s a long game) started with a LDR due to military travel. I missed a lot of vetting opportunities along with making many other mistakes.

Dstar538888 · 2021-11-27T17:18:51+00:00

I highly recommend that you all avoid long distance relationships because 98% of the time, they are not real relationships...the last time I tried that, he wasn't really making much of an effort to meet up with me and always seemed to have an excuse and he thought I was supposed to just continue to wait for him to make up his mind....I ghosted him cause he kept trying to give me false hope that this would turn into something more knowing damn well he was just wasting my time...

Maleficent_Tune98 · 2021-11-28T02:41:14+00:00

but honestly, most men who do this are creeps or extremely undesirable in their own country.

Absolutely this part! I have a rule about LDR's and the Rule is: Absolutely Fucking Never. If he doesn't live in the same metro area as I do and I haven't seen him IRL on a regular basis, not happening. Watch a season or two of 90-Day Fiance and you'll never want to engage in an LDR.

I have heard too many stories of catfishing, scams, being stood up, predators etc to ever even consider an LDR. My aunt was groomed and catfished online by a 40 year old man pretending to be 23 when she was 20 years old. She ended up driving to Indiana to meet him and lucky for her, her older sisters followed her and brought her back.

jetcake · 2021-11-28T04:02:42+00:00

There is only one long distance relationship that I know of that worked: My sister's best friend and her now husband.

Her friend met her husband when she was home visiting on the east coast. Meanwhile, her friend worked on the west coast. They were long distance for five years. They were always in constant contact and took turns flying back and forth every other month. Finally it got to the point where her job gave her the leeway to stay on the west coast or come back here, and she chose him and the east coast. I don't know for sure, but if I had to venture to guess, I would say that the distance was beginning to erode their relationship. They have been married for six years, have two children, and are very much devoted to each other.

That still doesn't sell me on ever getting into a long distance relationship.

Currently one of my friends is in an on/off LDR that is also on open terms. It's been a year of tears for her, especially since her boyfriend told her that he met someone.

LDRs are not romantic. The idea has always had undertones of having one foot in and the other out the door. One person is always going to be 100% invested, while the other person only "acts" faithful.

ashcantcatchabreak · 2021-11-27T19:28:16+00:00

Better yet, just don’t do it… “long distance relationship” usually means “not a real relationship at all”

Nonnasaysfuckoff · 2021-11-27T22:35:07+00:00

There is no relationship unless you've met in person and spent time together in person. Online relationships are about as real as your online "friends" who refuse to meet you in person. Seriously, what is even the point of an LDR?

And even if you had met bad he had to leave,unless he's moving back after a bit, then what's the point? Genuinely. You're not even getting what you need from a relationship at that point, you certainly don't know what he's doing without you.

The whole reason you want to be with someone is to have them there with you, for companionship. Why go outta your way for hardship? Guarantee it'll be hard enough because they're men and you have to vet, don't need to add unecessary struggles to it all. You should be enjoying yourself, not working hard and feeling lonely.

WinterSolaces · 2021-12-01T03:41:09+00:00

I'd almost agree but I think it depends on your lifestyle. Considering I'm on the computer almost 24/7 because of both work and my hobbies, I had a really awesome relationship with a HVM that was long distance. We were both on the computer 24/7 for the same reason and occasionally would work together on side gigs, and would regularly see each other when we could irl. We ended up breaking up mutually due to other reasons, but the relationship was great and we're still on good terms. Although, I'm very aware this is an exception completely, I'd say it's fair to say that there is still that small percentage that it could be alright, if your work/life plays well with your relationship.

macabrasive · 2021-11-29T08:08:18+00:00

Agreed. My ex and I did LDR while he was out of town - we spent the first three months of our relationship on the phone after meeting once. When he came home I got to REALLY meet him but already felt SO invested in the relationship. We skipped dating and went straight to what I call “movie, burger, backseat.” His behaviour didn’t match his words. Awful. You cannot get to know somebody thoroughly through distance.

Title	Think twice before you get into a long distance relationship
Author	fireforestfairy
Upvotes	297
Comments	15
Date	November 27, 2021 12:40 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/r3csu9/think_twice_before_you_get_into_a_long_distance/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/think-twice-before-you-get-into-a-long-distance.1086304 https://theredarchive.com/post/1086304

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