Men and Power

So I just stumbled out the begging post (no judgment here, just compassion. We’re all human, so frail and fallible in this flesh) and it got me thinking about my many dealings with men and power.

How most men make constant efforts to control and degrade women even (and often especially) those you would think are too low on the totem pole to care- too unfortunate looking, too lacking etc. Almost every man out there is trying to improve his ranking in the male social strata by being able to show he can dominate a woman or make her do what he wants. Everything is always about power, if it’s not squarely about love.

I thought about how I’ve pretty much never wanted power and how I’ve even flat out freakin run from it in situations where they tried to make me the lead, because I didn’t want the burden/ responsibility. Most women don’t even hold power as a consideration at all in life, barely have an awareness of it, whereas it’s a constant motivating force behind and subtext to, almost all male action. I thought about having a man tell me gleefully point blank in a non romantic context- “Now I control you”.

And I thought mostly about how basically the only people qualified to hold power are those who would never want it. I thought of the Sword in the Stone. The beautifully written scene when a would be King Arthur, living as an orphan boy, pulls the sword from the stone. It’s been stuck fast in an anvil for centuries, unwilling to yield to anyone but the rightful heir of England’s throne. People exhaust themselves pulling on it with all their might and walk away dejected. The reason it yields to Wart is the way he wields his power, not brutishly by force but with skill and gentleness. When he pulls with all his might, he gets no where. When he approaches it with kindness and care he’s able to pull it from the anvil “as gently as from a scabbard”. The many moral lessons and very specific education from Merlin that Might does not make Right are what made him the true and rightful King of England, the only one qualified to hold that power, even more so than his lineage. It was having the right mindset and the correct measure of humility. When his family comes to kneel before him and recognize him in his rightful station he bursts into tears.

Even bible characters were chosen by God to lead for their humility. When Moses was chosen to lead the Israelites from Egypt he was called “the meekest man in all the earth”. So meek in fact he didn’t want the job. He felt so unqualified to speak that God actually appointed Aaron to serve as a mouthpiece for him and speak in his behalf.

The same can be said of Saul although he later became haughty. Before the Davidic line was established he was hand selected by God as King. With the entire nation gathered, they went in search of the one God was pointing out and selecting down from tribe to family to individual- to be King. It turned out to be Saul but when they went to anoint him he couldn’t be found. Do you know where they found his tall behind? Hiding among the luggage- all the donkeys and baggage people had brought to travel into the Capitol for this momentous occasion. He didn’t want the crown. Which is precisely part of what made him uniquely qualified for it at the time.

Honestly, with the patriarchal advantage most men have and know they have over women in this world it honestly takes a man with a certain amount of humility to wield that power fairly, compassionately and well. Many men try to masquerade as that kind of self effacing, humble person to benefit their image but really are not that at heart. This is not to say he shouldn’t be confident with healthy self esteem, but there needs to be a certain healthy knowledge of and humility about his own limitations and rights that a lot of men lack. If for some reason you can’t feel his actions toward you are squarely and overwhelmingly from love, rest utterly assured- they’re almost unquestionably about power and control. And if you can sense his need for power and control, especially over you, he ain’t it.