What can we do to combat the social bias and marginalization of single men(both voluntarily and those struggling in the dating scene)

Nayko214 · 2022-02-27T19:28:13+00:00

The only way this will change is when women A) Stop judging guys about it. B) Actually start making the first move so guys don't have nearly as much pressure to perform. and C) Stop treating all men as potentially dangerous predators and give guys a fair chance to just be themselves, instead of performing an animalistic mating dance about it.

nari-bhat · 2022-02-27T19:42:37+00:00

Honestly, this is where we have to be the ones to step up and say “Hey, that’s fucked up and maybe we should stop judging each other based on relationships”. Challenge your friends and family on that belief, cuz not only will it hopefully make them start to think about it but it’ll also make everyone who hears the discussion think about it.

BloomingBrains · 2022-02-28T00:22:52+00:00

if nobody is entitled to a relationship like these normies proclaim, then understand you can't just peer pressure people into relationships like some sort of social ritual, do you realize most relationships require upkeep and maintenance?

The problem is that the reason 'normies' scorn single men who want a relationship but don't have one isn't because they believe everyone is entitled to one, it's because they believe its simply so easy to get one that being entitled to one isn't necessary. In other words, they won't ever recognize the contradiction you're pointing out, because they don't recognize there are many good reasons why a man that wants a relationship doesn't have one, let alone ones that don't have anything to do with an inherent flaw within himself.

This is why my go-to response to "You should get yourself a girlfriend" is a sarcastic remark like "Yeah I'll just go down to the store and buy one". And I say that not only because the wording of a statement like that genuinely troubles me, but also because I like pointing out how ludicrously simple it implies getting a girlfriend is when nothing could be further for the truth for a lot of men.

Also, another contradiction I think is worth pointing out is that for all that society perpetuates the idea that man are ravenous sex fiends that just want to pump and dump women, there isn't exactly a lot of pushback against men like that. In other words, the prevalence of hookup culture basically means that if you're not into hookups, you have a fat chance of finding an actual relationship anyway, since its what a lot of people, including women, don't seem to want.

So oftentimes the very same people shaming men for not having "a relationship" don't have one either. Meaning that "a relationship" is newspeak for "frequent casual sex". I can only assume the reason for this obfuscation being that they know virgin shaming is an even more contradictory and indefensible position.

hottake_toothache · 2022-02-28T00:03:38+00:00

It is up to us to start treating men better. The rest of society doesn't give a fuck.

PlagueDoctorMars · 2022-02-27T22:39:02+00:00

Society has tremendous pressures on men in many areas, and this is one of the big ones for sure. When going MGTOW, it was such an incredible relief to let go of it and stop caring. I have to say that I haven't encountered a whole lot of pushback for it, but I do work with a lot of women and from time to time an older woman will ask or comment about my relationship status. Obviously I don't tell them I'm MGTOW and all that, but I just tell them that I like to keep things simple and relationships are complicated. Usually that's the end of it, but one woman did start inferring that it was shocking or wrong that I didn't have a girlfriend. I just calmly told her that I don't define my worth by being with a woman and she backed off.

danbert2000 · 2022-02-27T22:21:53+00:00

As long as conservative public culture says that a man's success is in family and career, young men are going to feel like failures when they don't have those things or their own personal idea of success to validate themselves. We are social beings, if we feel we aren't meeting outside measures of success most of us will feel like failures or feel resentment.

I believe rising young male disaffection is primarily caused by a lack of economic agency and chances for success. Minimum wage used to be plenty to have an apartment, buy clothes and minor luxuries, date and not come across as impoverished. This is where I believe as left wing male advocates we need to take care to realize the whole pie was shrunk, it's not that women taking more is causing men to have less. Oligarchs and the shareholder class has impoverished and socially neutered a whole generation of young men who deserve a living wage and housing opportunities so they can take time to fulfill themselves with or without relationships.

2022-02-27T20:17:43+00:00

In Denmark, the second wave feminism faced something similar, although not as seriously enforced stigma, women weren’t accused of being ticking time-bomb of violent terror, but their young members were stigmatized for struggling with finding male partners willing to marrying them. The prospect of ending up as a old unmarried bitter woman was something society really looked down upon. And almost all ethnic Danes knows at least one woman who ended up as one.

Their solution was to flip the script with slogans like “a woman needs a husband, like a fish needs a bicycle”. I think MGTOW was kinda similar in its approach. So that solution is already kinda tried. Of cause we could do more of the same, or we could try to look at other disenfranchised groups, throughout history, who have faced something similar. I just can’t come up with anything right now, so if anyone else can, please share.

EDIT: not sure disenfranchised groups are the right choice of word. Please don’t judge me to harshly on that one.

Kappador66 · 2022-02-28T07:29:28+00:00

Well I think the problem is that men, especially in their 20s, want to have sex. Like, yeah there might be a small portion in that population who asexual, has some medical condition or another valid reason. But it's obvious that most dudes want sex, either in a monogamous relationship or at least with one or several FWB.

So from that assumption people start wondering, why isn't he getting any and that's where all the negative stereotypes start to emerge...

For me personally, only women have pressured or ridiculed me for this stuff, at least since high school. In feminist discussions I have seen men being blamed more for this ( locker room talk), but to be fair this could vary depending on social circle/environment. I'm a stem student so yeah, most guys I know haven't had a gf in our 4 years of uni.

lightning_palm · 2022-02-28T12:08:46+00:00

As long as a man isn't being a dangerous, barbaric, radical and destructive member of society, there should be no reason to make him feel worthless or insignificant over not having a relationship.

Even if he is a "dangerous, barbaric, radical, and destructive member of society", there is no reason to make him feel worthless over not having a relationship as that just normalizes it in general and reinforces the stereotype that men are demons that need to be tamed by the presence of a woman.

Shame him for being a "dangerous, barbaric, radical, and destructive member of society" directly if you feel inclined to, but not for his lack of having a relationship.

Blauwpetje · 2022-03-01T09:44:27+00:00

Very concrete: I know a man who will probably be chosen in the city council for a centre-liberal party (D66). I also know he is interested in men's issues (a few years ago he streamed the Red Pill movie). Besides, I know the man who does the men's issues of the local social work. The three of us might accomplish something.

magus678 · 2022-02-27T22:57:26+00:00

that still tries hard gaslighting single people

What is it you think gaslighting means?

To answer your broader question:

I would hesitate to call it "natural," but men being judged by their success with women has two somewhat understandable causes. The first being that men tend to be competitive with each other in general, and most so in that slice of time when our biology screams loudest in our ear to have sex. Some of this just inescapably bleeds over into the rest of our lives. The second is that women benefit from this dynamic to an almost comical degree, and so have every motivation to ensure it continues.

In terms of combating it, there are ways, but they are not easy. Any cultural artifact that has been around as long as this one is going to be a slow process to unwind, and you will almost certainly pay a cost in the trying. But moving the waterline bit by bit is possible. But on the timescale of decades/generations, if you are lucky.

A personal, and I think stronger if less systemic option, is just actually not caring that all of this is true. Cultivate your independence, and stop being so "reactive" to what others think. In a roundabout way, this can actually somewhat solve the original problem in the first place; most people, especially women, tend to find that quality attractive.

Jewel_Eldora · 2022-02-28T01:05:22+00:00

The Blue Church doesn't really like to acknowledge human nature. There's pretty good evidence to suggest this bias is hardwired into the species.

The main thing you can do is to understand it because then you can counter it.

https://jeweleldora.com/aschiti-model-of-gender-perception/

a-man-from-earth · 2022-02-28T01:34:20+00:00

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International-Pool29 · 2022-02-27T19:21:21+00:00

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Title	What can we do to combat the social bias and marginalization of single men(both voluntarily and those struggling in the dating scene)
Author	International-Pool29
Upvotes	139
Comments	86
Date	February 27, 2022 6:57 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/t2v2o7/what_can_we_do_to_combat_the_social_bias_and/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/what-can-we-do-to-combat-the-social-bias-and.1104999 https://theredarchive.com/post/1104999

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