"Wow, I could never get away with that."

Justathrowawayoh · 2022-03-06T22:42:53+00:00

it's sad because young people desperately need and want adult male attention

but the pathologizing of men simply stops good men and doesn't stop the bad

Cfwydirk · 2022-03-06T22:43:28+00:00

Sorry you live where you do. I (60M) live in Minnesota and when a small child waves to me I respond with waves and hello’s. Never had anyone look at me sideways, as if I were uncle Fester.

thealphateam · 2022-03-06T23:31:19+00:00

I do it and don’t care. Never once have I seen someone give me stink eye. I always smile, wave, make sure the parents see and don’t get in their air space.

Scumbaggio1845 · 2022-03-06T22:52:12+00:00

It’s a shame that people feel like they can’t wave back at a baby and I can only speak from my experiences but men can and do wave or smile at a baby without a negative reaction.

omellil · 2022-03-07T03:55:10+00:00

I get silly and play with random kids ALL THE TIME (42m) and I have done so as long as I can remember. Obviously don't physically touch them and make sure mom /dad is aware of the action, and you're basically fine

arun25mblr31 · 2022-03-07T11:06:22+00:00

I was doing the same thing with a 9 month old baby girl the other day. My mom immediately asked me to stop coz the baby's mom may misinterpret it as an indirect sexual advance to herself 😐

CryingMadGirl · 2022-03-07T15:48:34+00:00

Funny sorry; when I was a kid, an adult man asked me to go to his van because he had daughter at my age who needed friends. Well, as a stupid kid I went there.

But guess what? He was speaking my the truth and I actually made a new friend. That was the last time I ever did that tho, and I got really lucky that day

coffeeinvenice · 2022-03-07T17:36:39+00:00

Battle tactic.

Learn to make one or two kinds of balloon animals. Watch some YouTube videos, you can learn how to make a simple balloon dog in about 20 minutes.

Carry some balloons on you at all times. If you're in a line at a store and a kid waves at you, look as though you just got an idea. Take out a balloon, blow it up, make a balloon animal, and hand it to the kid with an inquiring look on your face as if to say, "Would you like it?"

Kid smiles in amazement, the assholes who would normally give you dirty looks are embarrassed because it's now apparent you obviously know more about how to make kids happy than they do, and you own the moment. Just don't be too eager, time it right, don't act too desperate-looking to give the balloon.

Did this once on a flight with a crying kid. Blew up a balloon horse, handed it to the kid, he abruptly stopped crying. Looks of gratitude from everyone else sitting around me.

velvetalocasia · 2022-03-06T22:58:55+00:00

So my husband is very good with kids…..he waves at them, makes silly faces and talks to them all the time.

Even more, he is the most loved „uncle“ in our friend circle. Especially little girls are crazy for him and warm up super fast…..even the ones that usually don’t „like“ men.

NOBODY EVER SAID ANYTHING NEGATIVE!

2022-03-07T12:37:19+00:00

Had an incident last summer that will probably stick with me for a long time. I was with some friends and their kids at the pool, went over to the kiddie pool to hang with the kids for a little bit. There was a little girl, probably 5 ish, that immediately took a liking to me. We played and played, then my buddies kid pushed another and got taken out of the pool. I hung around and played with the little girl, wasn’t 2 minutes later some lady sitting around the pool said, “now you just look like a creep”. I have 2 daughters that are around 20, spent 6 years fighting for custody of them and won. However those 6 years were hard on everyone and I missed out on a lot of quality interaction with my children in their younger years. Because of that I have a special appreciation when I engage with younger children. I’m usually the only adult that sits on the floor and gets on their level. I’m also an orphan who grew up in many homes….consider myself to have a pretty tough skin, but comment stung alot harder than I would have expected.

kirewes · 2022-03-07T18:50:40+00:00

As a guy I've noticed that you can interact with children but it's extremely sparingly and the children have to interact with you first. In addition you need to try and disengage shortly after interacting with them if the kid keeps interacting with you you need to see how the parents react if there is no reaction usually it's okay to interact with them just a little bit more but again disengage quickly.

It sucks that you have to tiptoe around children but it is what it is.

SuperStateSamBamCam · 2022-03-07T01:04:00+00:00

I completely understand how he feels but I'm not sure he categorically can never do it. I've done the sorts of things you describe and haven't encountered any hostility yet. I'm careful, though... I certainly try to "read the room," so to speak. If Mom is present and not looking particularly friendly, I ignore the child. I am afraid of what one misunderstanding could become in my life.

Regardless, thanks for this show of sympathy and understanding. It's uncommon and appreciated. 🙏

sgtm7 · 2022-03-07T08:25:25+00:00

And he says not allowed to participate in it. And he's completely right.

I have done the same thing you have done, with no ill effects. Are you two just assuming he can't participate, or have you seen something to verify your assumption?

ApprehensiveMail8 · 2022-03-07T12:49:00+00:00

I think he could get away with it. I wave to/ make faces at kids other than my own all the time.

And it doesn't creep either me or my wife out when other men do it to our kids.

But I do get why he thinks he can't. And it's a sad state of affairs.

2022-03-07T02:36:15+00:00

Well that’s definitely not my experience. I make cute faces at kids and talk with them while their parents are around all the time and I’m a man the same age as you

extranotextra · 2022-03-06T23:10:08+00:00

Weird title, what are you trying to “get away” with? I see men waving at babies and children on the subway all the time and it’s fine.

VeteranOfDepression · 2022-03-07T03:25:59+00:00

Woman: waves and makes silly faces to a very young child "That's fine she's not a threat, she must have kids of her own."

Man: waves and makes silly faces to a very young child "OMG YOU CREEP GET AWAY FROM MY CHILD OR I CALL THE COPS YOU PROBABLY TOUCH YOUR KIDS!"

Arguesovereverythin · 2022-03-07T03:02:47+00:00

Your bf is right, OP, but you should encourage him not to hold himself to society's prejudiced standards. He should be the nice person that he wants to be. If the mom has a problem, it's not up to your bf to solve that. She can just leave the line.

I went through something similar this past summer when I adopted some puppies. A bunch of kids in my neighborhood came into my yard to play with them. At first, I thought "this looks bad, I'm a single guy and people will think I'm luring these kids with puppies." But then, I got stubborn. It was my house and if they wanted to play, I didn't have a problem with it. If their parents have the problem, then let them be the bad guy.

I just asked them, "do your mom and dad know where you are? Did you ask if you can play here?". After that, my hands were clean. One of the kids asked if I had any snacks. I brought out snacks. Another kid said they were cold. I brought out a clean hoody. Another kid was wearing a bright white school uniform. I gave them a t-shirt to wear over their clothes so that it didn't get dirty. I knew what people might think. But fuck them. Not gonna let their prejudice change how I behave.

Some of the kids stopped coming after a while. Think the parents found out. Other parents just came to meet me. So I made some new friends. Turned out pretty good.

biff64gc · 2022-03-07T15:36:53+00:00

I'd encourage your BF to try it sometime if a baby is looking at him curiously. I've done it in grocery stores a lot and never got discouraging looks.

But more importantly he's kind of reinforcing the stigma that guys aren't friendly/good with kids by acting distant. He can help normalize guys being good with kids by putting himself out there more. It's a risk as I'm sure some people won't approve, but can't change things by accepting how they are.

Final_Collection_515 · 2022-03-07T05:05:27+00:00

If any man did that, he would be marked as a pedo or weird

Men literally cannot win in situations with children tbh

2022-03-07T09:26:24+00:00

Being relatively caring, or becoming a Dad. These two things can make you good with kids. But for the avoidance of doubt, it's best to appear stoic and uninterested in public. Usual caveats about house fires and wars notwithstanding.

fulgurdeus · 2022-03-07T10:00:56+00:00

I wave at children or babies and say nice things to them while I'm at work (i m a cashier) or if they look at me, i'm 22

Virtual-Possible5646 · 2022-03-07T21:27:23+00:00

I smile and wave at other people’s kids all the time and have no problem. Sounds like a you and your made up boyfriend problem

Sir_Snipealot · 2022-03-07T21:28:56+00:00

Bruh what I smile at babies all the time sounds like a you problem not a us problem

xcheshirecatxx · 2022-03-07T22:39:35+00:00

Where I live it's very much accepted. And my fiance gets so much compliments when he's with our son and I'm wandering around

I'm happy we had this social change

willingvessel · 2022-03-07T23:14:17+00:00

Not sure where you're from but that's never been an issue for me or anyone else I've seen do it

Createdtopostthisnow · 2022-03-07T22:03:00+00:00

well, mostly just whackjob american lunatic culture. just strap on a dildo or wear a bright pink wig and you can read stories to kindergarteners or whatever. Only straight males, especially White males, can have no interaction with anyone at any time ever.

Title	"Wow, I could never get away with that."
Author	comment-stalker
Upvotes	244
Comments	59
Date	March 6, 2022 10:35 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/t8ad80/wow_i_could_never_get_away_with_that/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/wow-i-could-never-get-away-with-that.1105334 https://theredarchive.com/post/1105334

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