Don’t worry about the old friends, worry about the new people in their life

infinitofluxo · 2022-03-11T10:59:52+00:00

Some friends fuck on the side with no strings attached

afkawayrn · 2022-03-11T13:54:38+00:00

Naw lol. You need to worry about both past and future friends.

TryLambda · 2022-03-11T09:18:23+00:00

What if they had ONS with one of her "old friends" or she admitted having a crush on them but it fade away?

kyjolski · 2022-03-11T10:03:39+00:00

I never worried about either.

SwimmingTheme3736 · 2022-03-11T13:07:55+00:00

This is so true, if you really felt there was a problem with an old friend the relationship surly wouldn’t of lasted?

poppy_blu · 2022-03-11T10:31:24+00:00

Ya gotta have friends first to understand this.

Grain of salt.

Spacechicken1998 · 2022-03-11T09:25:06+00:00

I'll get downvoted to hell.

But my best friend is my ex, the reason we are able to have a platonic friendship is because there is no "what if" element.

We've been besties for two years now and nothing has happened since the breakup.

TryLambda · 2022-03-11T09:31:19+00:00

Ok you just opened the office sweepstakes on how long your marriage will last, it’s not the relationships men are worried about it’s the whole football team that is lining up to rail you behind a dumpster… that is what men are worried most about, one too many drinks and a lapse of judgement occurs regularly between opposite gendered friends…. Sex is a high probability

Robitaille21 · 2022-03-11T15:48:49+00:00

I halfway agree with you. But, with longtime opposite sex friends, there is a level of intimacy that I am also not ok with. My wife had some old guy friends that she used to have deep conversations with. They'd talk to her about a lot of personal things. I put a stop to it. I just think that some things must be kept between us as a married couple. I won't have her sharing a deep emotional bond with any man but me.

Complex-Glass-8539 · 2022-03-11T13:57:19+00:00

I mean, kinda, it matters. There’s a the thing with life, it changes, people change, their attractions change and how they act changes.

Opposite sex friends for straight people is a variable that adds risk as life progresses.

I’ll tell a story that happened very soon after leaving my wife as we were finally at the stage to walk away. I went out with my friends, and most of their spouses. Group is mostly guys but a couple of women. One of my female friends hosted an after party and her and I got to talking about my impending divorce late in the night.

I was a wreck, and she showed me empathy I hadn’t felt in a long time. Everyone left and her husband went to bed and we stayed up talking and drinking. We hooked up that night with her husband upstairs sleeping. We had no want, will, or desire to do that in 15 years of friendship prior, and to this day multiple years later have never uttered a word of what we did in her basement that night since we put our clothes back on and she went to her bed.

There was no plan, there was no intent, there was only a moment when hooking up felt like the natural thing to do for both of us. That letting yourself just do what feels natural, without your logical mind stepping in led to sex. That doesn’t really happen with same sex friends if you’re straight and many hookups in my life have happened that way for me, where it wasn’t tactics or me telling myself “I really want to have sex” it was just going with the flow.

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soundsshemade · 2022-03-11T13:47:10+00:00

All you said was, "we were rightly apprehensive at first but then I realized if they haven't already slept together why would it ever happen?"

I don't think this is much other than cope. You don't want this to happen and so you've told yourself a happy little story that helps you sleep at night. Let's hope it keeps working.

Did someone doubt that you guys wouldn't sleep with your friends? Where did this question even come from? Not to mention, if I were to sit here and try and convince you that one of you would cheat, I'll be wrong right up until the moment I'm right and then everything is destroyed and you won't admit I'm right.

There's no reason to call breakups. Being in a relationship is the leap of faith. Relationships are successful until they're not so there's no point to speculating about them ending or else you've started down the path to ending them. If you're a cold hearted cynic then you're supposed to have prepared yourself for these eventualities anyway.

washington_breadstix · 2022-03-11T17:44:46+00:00

if two friends wanted to date, they would’ve done so looooong ago.

But maybe they did want to date, and dated for a while, and just aren't telling you about it now. Not saying trusting relationships aren't possible, but I think being lied to / gas-lighted is what people worry about most. "Oh, we're just really good friends" (when they were actually fuck-buddies).

My understanding is that the "threat" posed by old friends lies in the fact that they knew each other during their formative years. That's often a very strong bond and a hard one to compete with.

For example: I'm a 30-year-old man. If I were to start dating someone and find out she's still friends with a guy she met when she was like 24, I don't think I would feel as "threatened" as I would if she were still friends with someone she used to spend time with at age 15 or so.

But I'll admit that it all depends on factors like the attractiveness of the other guy compared to me, and how "up-front" my girl is with information about him. If I ask her about him and she gives only vague answers or gets defensive without provocation, then that's probably a bigger reason to worry than anything else.

2022-03-11T19:07:13+00:00

Even if the girl isn't into the male friends, that doesnt mean said male friend is a asexual male friend. He could be so deep in the friendzone and be on some crazy shit about her.

And even with male friends who don't even like girls, those kinda guys can be toxic af too, in promoting her to cheat, wild out, and do stuff she is pressured into doing

2022-03-12T00:44:12+00:00

Example of this arc: my partner recently admitted to me that he felt a little threatened by a couple of my male friends early on. But as he got to know me (and my friends) better, he sees sooo clearly that those relationships would’ve never happened.

Sound like his brew of copium. Did ya try out half of them?

Title	Don’t worry about the old friends, worry about the new people in their life
Author	Specialist_Orange946
Upvotes	34
Comments	90
Date	March 11, 2022 9:13 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/tbm7le/dont_worry_about_the_old_friends_worry_about_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/dont-worry-about-the-old-friends-worry-about-the.1105664 https://theredarchive.com/post/1105664

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