More and more I am realizing that there are lot of issues that, while important, fail to really get much of a rise out out me anymore. For example: patriarchy theory. It's been debunked millions of times, so what's the point in knocking it down again? Father's rights? Doesn't affect me at all. Draft? I aged out in my country.

I don't mean to seem callous about or dismiss these other issues at all, so I apologize if it seems that way. But I just find myself desensitized. Its hard for me to have the emotional energy to dwell on most issues. Which I suppose might actually be a good thing for my mental health in the long run. If I see a feminist video about the patriarchy I can more or less tune it out and not feel like shit for the rest of the day.

There is one issue I absolutely can't do that with though: fear mongering about male-on-female violence.

Whenever I hear someone perpetuating paranoia about women being murdered and raped by their dates (or even just men in general), especially if the paranoia targets sexually inexperienced men, it literally ruins my entire night. I'll have insomnia because I won't be able to stop thinking about the fact that when people spout such ideas, its only thickening that already-seemingly impenetrable barrier that's preventing me from finding a woman who sees me for who I am. It really makes things seem hopeless and I don't see how I'm supposed to have faith when such an attitude is apparently commonplace. In short, when a woman says something like "My biggest concern every day is how to not get raped" I hear a whispering voice saying "Women will never love you, they'll only fear you." Even just verbalizing that thought out in the open, which has become like a constant monologue in the back of my head for years now, makes me feel ill. It's physically painful, like a gut punch.

Again, I'm aware it may be somewhat selfish of me to hyperfocus on this issue in particular. But in all fairness, I wouldn't find it strange if a victim of female-on-male child abuse hyperfocused on that issue since it actually happened in their own lives and they have personal experience with it.

I also don't intend to downplay women's concerns for safety or act like violence against women is some kind of trivial issue not worth talking about. It is. The problem I see though is that the "but women have to worry about getting raped though" argument is often used to shut down the conversation and accuse anyone with a dissenting opinion of trivializing female rape victims. And the way public discourse is currently leaning, everyone will take her side and paint you as villain.

Perhaps it would be easier for me to believe these concerns for safety are genuine if they were evenly applied across the status/attractiveness hierarchy for men. But they aren't. Virgins and less "alpha-like men" (for lack of a better term) are more likely to perceived as a potential creeps, even though, if anything, attractive/physically imposing men are better equipped to successfully harm women. Not that it should EVER be considered ok to prejudge someone as a creepy stalker over superficial traits like size, hobbies, etc. Just like it's also wrong to think of all black men as potential criminals or all muslims as potential terrorists.

And maybe I'm just being apocryphal, but in a way, I also find this demonization of men a bit frightening. Is it not totally plausible that in 50-100 years society could have some kind of formal system that marginalizes "low-attractiveness" men (basically men that don't have girlfriends or wives) under the auspices of being dangerous and removes them? To make an analogy to racism once again, one reason why black men used to get lynched was for fears they would rape white women. It isn't crazy, therefore, to imagine people might do the same to "incels" for fear they will rape women for rejecting them.

Anyway, I've been thinking about why I use this sub lately, and came to the conclusion that the main reason is for getting validation of my biggest insecurity. Am I alone in this? Who else copes by talking about their pet issue?