Do you think it's okay to lie about circumstances to protect yourself from gold-diggers?

akihonj · 2022-03-13T18:13:48+00:00

Listen dude, I seriously don't give a flying fuck if it's morally justifiable or not.

I'm in the exact position you're asking about and one thing will always remain true, nobody and I mean nobody will ever know exactly how much I have. Some might guess and some will be close.

But nobody will ever truly know unless I tell them and I'm not doing that.

Falafelluvr1976 · 2022-03-13T19:09:14+00:00

During my marriage several years, I never disclosed my wealth. I would strongly recommend you to do the same.

roypdx · 2022-03-13T18:30:02+00:00

Yes. Just nope the fuck out of the situation if it starts to get serious. Relationships should be mutually fulfilling and fun. Remember boys, "getting serious" is what led you down the path of the state handing her half your money in a divorce settlement. If a woman wants to enjoy the lifestyle I can afford, she can go out to dinner with me or stay the night, or go on a fun vacation.

It always comes up when I'm out socially, it's like the single moms can smell my fucking money and they are just looking for next schmuck to support them... Not all of them but most. Seems impossible to get to a third casual date without them wanting to know where I work, what area I live in, and what car do I drive. They don't come right out and ask how much I make but their greedy little minds can triangulate from my zip code, job and car.

I'm at an age (mid 50's), where because I don't look my age, I can attract women that are quite a bit younger than I am. That always seems to go nowhere. I'm like... Wait you had fun, you are totally attracted to me and you enjoyed spending time but when you find out my age, it's a no go?

OwnerAndMaster · 2022-03-13T19:12:41+00:00

Protect yourself at all times

There's no legal requirement for disclosure until you're wanting to marry. That's when it's appropriate to look at everyone's financials

Unless one partner has an extreme amount in debt. That kind of information is often a dealbreaker that would've prevented any serious relationship for forming. It's one step above hiding a permanent venereal illness

FDSers would recommend that she hides her liabilities, so you better hide your assets to prevent predatory "damsels in distress" from targeting you for a quick marriage & no-fault divorce for 50% of your net worth

WartimeDad · 2022-03-13T21:00:13+00:00

I’m trying to hide that I’m poor 🤣

SpacemanLost · 2022-03-13T20:41:17+00:00

You don't have to be worth millions to be concerned.

When I divorced in my early 40s, I had just landed my dream job which had not only a LOT of social status but was making a couple hundred grand a year.

Now I dated around for a couple years, in a wide age range, and I was always honest about my circumstances, but I didn't give a lot of specifies (like salary).

What I was able to do was figure out who was looking at me as a "meal ticket" to either pay for their kids, allow them not to work, or some mix of such. These I moved on from.

My current wife works in tech, just like I do, and pulls down 6-figures herself. She was also a SHAM for some of her earliest years, and will be the first to admit that working full-time for a living really SUCKS by comparison in a lot of ways.

My ex never worked past age 22, and was SAHW for years before being a SAHM. She's an expert at spending other people's money, and she remarried less than 2 weeks after the last alimony check cleared, and despite all her claims she would use the degree she =finally= got to get a job as a teacher... nope. In recent years she's made statements to me about "the good times" while being oblivious to the fact I didn't consider those times all that good for me - but they were for her - trips, running around, spending freely draining our broker account, and so on.

Point of this ramble is: Figure out what the other person is thinking of in terms of working, contributing to the household, and so on before marrying - because they may very well not be honest or up front about what they really want and expect. Otherwise you may find ALL the burden shifted onto you when you were expecting a partner at your side helping the both of you along through life. This applies to people at ALL income levels.

wonderboy_1 · 2022-03-13T17:17:01+00:00

Just avoid the questions

bcsam · 2022-03-13T18:04:11+00:00

I would absolutely do that, especially at the beginning during vetting phase. If she is Ok, I would indicate to her that I live below my means and that we will have to sign a prenup before we get married as a condition of the marriage (not sure if I would share all the details, depends). A lawyer should be involved to protect me while being fair to her, to an extent.

sicrm · 2022-03-13T20:39:20+00:00

do you want kids?

if you don’t, consider getting a vasectomy.

also keep your eyes open, don’t get married again, and don’t even think about moving anyone into a place you really care about unless you take steps to protect yourself and your home beforehand.

smitty537 · 2022-03-13T18:32:19+00:00

As far as anyone is concerned, my Tesla is a lease, my plane is a rental, my house is owned by a family trust and my travels and adventures are put on a credit card to be payed later.

ZarBandit · 2022-03-13T19:19:16+00:00

Yes, always hide in plain sight. Anything special you bring In should be protected from being considered marital assets. Such as using a trust. Why would she need to know your net worth? That’s none of her business. I’m not sure it’s her business even if you do get married. Do you believe her to be honest about everything?

If you’re happy living frugally construct your reality and everything around that to be consistent, with no outliers. In a way, it’s the honest position for you to take with her (that there’s no money) because you don’t intend to splash out with your saved money and neither should she.

Historical-Sky-9372 · 2022-03-13T20:19:08+00:00

Love and logic

Specific_Astronaut53 · 2022-03-13T17:31:45+00:00

I think if I were in that situation I would totally do it until it got serious. I doubt she would take the news too hard.

Ridethelightning1987 · 2022-03-13T17:41:40+00:00

If you’re married it’s one thing and even then if you can I’d have a rat hole of money for rainy days. Also if I’m on a date it’s none of there business wat I make

whattodo1216 · 2022-03-13T23:15:25+00:00

People figure out quickly with me because it’s kinda hard to hide that I have a lot of properties, but I’m also upfront quickly that prenups are required.

AirSailer · 2022-03-13T18:22:26+00:00

https://youtu.be/z4cv94-TP_k

Wewinky · 2022-03-14T02:29:31+00:00

Lie by ommision or/and avoidance. Don't tell an actual lie, not a good way to start a relationship.

TrollCityBlunder · 2022-03-15T06:37:27+00:00

Def don’t people how much you are truly worth. You worked hard for you what you have. Have a girl fall for you, for you bro. Not the assets.

I live a modest lifestyle, compared to what I actually could. And I’ll keep it that way, until the right one comes along.

Massive-Lychee-4518 · 2022-03-16T18:07:01+00:00

I have a decent size stock portfolio that I've built up over the years. I tell no one about it. I just play it off as if I'm an average joe. Gold diggers are some of the worst people you can be with because they only want your money and will stop at nothing to get it from you.

Title	Do you think it's okay to lie about circumstances to protect yourself from gold-diggers?
Author	mentamonsta
Upvotes	24
Comments	33
Date	March 13, 2022 5:08 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/tdbdfn/do_you_think_its_okay_to_lie_about_circumstances/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/do-you-think-its-okay-to-lie-about-circumstances.1106455 https://theredarchive.com/post/1106455

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Protect yourself at all times