The vast majority of biphobia is just completely unveiled misandry

ExMuzzy · 2022-03-20T13:32:07+00:00

Great post. I’ve certainly heard that “tainted” excuse from the mouths of some people. Somehow a guy receiving anal from another guy is not a man or is less of a man.

One thing I’ve never understood why gay specific communities on Reddit are very pro feminism. They seem to deny misandry and instead label everything as misogyny.

Phantombiceps · 2022-03-20T11:16:13+00:00

Brilliant post. Thank you. By the way, side note

Whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual, asexual, etc, if no one has told you lately, you deserve compassion, care, love, and understanding.

I love this. But, hey, let’s just say the word “entitled”, because sexists love that word. They always say “ x aren’t entitled to y”. Like “ you’re not entitled to sex”. But fuck them, it is a general value we can hold , people are entitled to a life of love and access to love.

let’s say it out loud, pretty much everyone is entitled to romance, friendship, and yes, entitled to sex.

When we say people are entitled to healthcare, employment, or legal defense, nobody takes it to mean they have the right to see any doctor or lawyer on earth that they choose. It is a given they have a right to A doctor, or A job, but not to any job, not to order my uncle Julio to give them a job.

So, we should say that everyone is entitled to sex and dating, and only insane assholes would take that to mean everyone is entitled to sex from any particular individual. Everytime they say X isn’t entitled to Y , we should retort: well yes, generally speaking, everyone (who’s not a serial killer or sth) is entitled to Y.

xsplizzle · 2022-03-20T11:10:46+00:00

Slightly confused here, why would a gay man, care that you, a man, is dating another man?

country2poplarbeef · 2022-03-20T17:49:02+00:00

Went to a "kink comedy" show this Friday that was pretty interesting. 3 out of the 4 comics closed with a joke about how disgusting and mean straight guys all were, with one literally closing with the chorus of their song, exulting "Kill all men!" The one comic that came to the defense of "topping" men was a gay guy saying how they were good for punching, choking, dominating, etc.

Aaaaanyways, mentioning this because I can kinda see a lot of what you mean. It's fucking bullshit, people in these scenes treat "cis" men as monsters and then it seems like they fetishize cis men for the same reason.

jostyouraveragejoe2 · 2022-03-20T16:56:09+00:00

This is one of my biggest frustrations with the bi community they acknowledge that bi men have problems but somehow it must be misogyny or at least also misogyny, like no it's misandry and i am tired of them mental Olympic level gymnastics that they do to come to the conclusion that somehow it's that being feminine i viewed as bad which is why men experience discrimination for liking other men.

Grow_peace_in_Bedlam · 2022-03-20T20:47:25+00:00

Indeed, I once dated a bi woman who had no qualms about saying that she wouldn't sleep with a man who had slept with another man, even though she had slept with women and didn't mind women who had done so too. No bi man could get away with that level of hypocrisy.

She also had a very ciscentric definition of what sleeping with another man or woman meant. For example, I later dated an AFAB "boy girl" (more-or-less non-binary in today's parlance) who went by "she," had very feminine features, and had a very androgynous style (which included having had her breasts removed), notwithstanding her admitted "personality cycling" that meant that she would be triggered from time to time to suddenly change her sexual orientation or gender presentation, and I did indeed see her presenting as much more femme long after we broke up.

Because of her ID that listed her as male back in 2010 (before I knew that one's gender could be changed on one's ID from the gender assigned at birth), I had assumed that she was AMAB but somehow was able to end up with a cis-passing short stature, delicate features, a feminine voice, etc,. suggestive of someone who is AFAB; however, I was wrong, and later found out from her that she was in fact AFAB.

Anyway, my bi ex and I had remained friends, and I told her about the boy girl when I still thought she was AMAB. In response, my bi ex told me that she wouldn't have felt comfortable being with me if I had been with the boy girl before her. However, when I later told her about my confusion, she seemed to retract that statement. Since the boy girl was AFAB, I was no longer "tainted" in my bi ex's eyes.

DianeticDelight · 2022-03-25T12:51:19+00:00

It’s such a shame that bisexual women “have to” be attracted to men, and how bisexual men should just admit they’re gay and stop “bothering” women.

That put me in a genuine foul mood to read. Good god.

denvercaniac · 2022-03-20T18:41:26+00:00

I'm getting quite tired--precisely that tired, it's exhausting--of having other genders and those with differing sexual preferences than mine try to demonize me and people like me for...being who we are.

I'm sorry you've gone through what you have.

If nothing else I can offer a sympathetic ear.

MelissaMiranti · 2022-03-20T21:27:48+00:00

I concur with a lot of this, and have seen a lot of these kinds of reactions in my own life.

Deadlocked02 · 2022-03-20T12:18:38+00:00

I just wanted to say that I don’t believe not wanting to date bi men necessarily translates into biphobia. I’ve spoken about it here on this sub before, but can’t find my comment. But to sum it up, I do find bisexual men attractive because they seem, on average, to have less attachment to their sexuality as an identity and to the LGBT world (and that appeals to me, because even though I’m gay, I never managed to warm up to, feel accepted or even enjoy LGBT culture) and I wouldn’t necessarily refuse to date a man I like because he’s bi, but I think it comes with certain insecurities I’m not necessarily equipped to deal with. For example, there’s a very real biological drive that compels people to have children. You might not want it today, nor tomorrow, but eventually you can have a sudden change of heart down the road. It doesn’t happen to everyone, but with enough people, regardless of sexual orientation. And in the case of bisexual men, it scares me how they have the ability to choose. Like, if you’re both gay, you’re both bound to the same fate, in a way. And if your partner gets the baby fever, well, good luck with that. He doesn’t really have as many options.

Also, there’s the fact that straight relationships offer a sense of normalcy that many people crave. Truth be told, in this day and age, I don’t really believe being a straight man is an advantage. In fact, I think I was the one who enjoyed great privilege over straight men in certain circles I frequented. But even though I don’t believe being a straight man is easier, an heterosexual relationship offers this sense of normalcy. It’s not something I personally crave, but many do. And by choosing to be in a homosexual relationship, a bisexual man is actively giving that up. So yeah, it puts some kind of pressure in the partner that is not bisexual. A fitting comparison would be dating someone way above your league, I guess. Some people wouldn’t mind it. Others would constantly feel the pressure of knowing your partner has many more choices.

All that being said, I expect people to be coherent in their beliefs. Would a woman who vehemently refuses to date bi men be okay with, let’s say, a man who refuses to have a relationship with a woman with a high body count, for example? In my experience, no, they would object to men having such preference, saying it’s different, that such men hold misogynistic views and bla, bla. I also identify a lot with what you say about misandry in LGBT spaces. It has become even a form of socialization and small talk, specially when there are straight women involved in such spaces. I’ve definitely gotten weird stares in mixed circles when gay/bi men and straight/bi women were talking bullshit like “If liking men were a choice, who would choose such a thing?” and I said “I would”.

Title	The vast majority of biphobia is just completely unveiled misandry
Author	hiddeninthewillow
Upvotes	231
Comments	61
Date	March 20, 2022 10:37 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/tiiak8/the_vast_majority_of_biphobia_is_just_completely/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/the-vast-majority-of-biphobia-is-just-completely.1108421 https://theredarchive.com/post/1108421

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