I loathe who I am without make-up and elegant clothes.

LoveWitchXo · 2022-06-03T02:42:09+00:00

It seems like your husband lacks basic manners. I would be heartbroken if my man said this to me. When you guys talked did you express to him that when he said that it hurt you?

Dress how you want and put a little effort into your appearance without obsessing over it. If his comments are still continuing then it is intentional he is trying to hurt you, atleast from my understanding.

I recently had eye surgery and I feel awful without makeup because my eyes are naturally small. I could barely see or walk and my man took care of me, bathed me, etc. When my eyes were swollen. There is no reason for him to be “traumatized” about your glasses.

angelicasinensis · 2022-06-02T23:35:12+00:00

My husband sees me looking tattered, sick, tired, upset- he sees it all- I would be really sad if he said something like that to me.

sunglasses90 · 2022-06-03T01:00:46+00:00

It’s going to be near impossible to keep up with those appearances. And eventually you will age and lose your attractiveness/youth so if that’s his primary concern with you then get ready to be discarded for someone in their 20’s 15 years from now. I’m all for being a trophy wife if that’s your choice. But is it?

From my life: my fiancé loves my glasses. He calls me a sexy librarian. He loves me straight out of the shower with no makeup. He loves me in camping gear in the tent. And I will say the moment I loved him the most is when we had Covid and I was praying for God to give me his fever. Obviously he was very sick and I loved him more than than even normal/healthy him. True love isn’t conditional. I love his soul. Sure, I love him when he’s cleaned up and dressed up, but I love his pure soul even more. And him me.

magmawing98 · 2022-06-03T08:41:04+00:00

Men are often not aware of women's innate vulnerabilities.

They assume that the one untouchable thing with women is questioning their competence (as it is with men) when in fact it doesn't really matter. Women, unlike men, have the innate need to feel loved and that's why that comment of his struck you deeply without him realizing that.

Sit him down and explain it to him. Similarly, don't question his competence in order not to make the same mistake he did. For more info, read John Gray's Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (dumb title but a great book).

apo-qua-23 · 2022-06-02T21:10:15+00:00

When it comes to commenting on someone's appearance, I don't really think that being absolutely truthful is paramount. I tell my boyfriend he's looking cute all the time. If I find a dime on the floor I hand it to him because I think he's 10/10. I would tell him he's the absolute best looking man in the entire universe if he asked. Is that actually true? probably not, objectively speaking.

He likes me to shave my legs, under my arms, etc. I have hair on my upper lip and some chin hairs that I need to take care of every other week or so. He reminds me to maintain these things if I forget, but he'll still tell me I'm the most beautiful woman in the universe. Is that strictly true? Maybe not, but he would never ever insult my appearance. He'd give me constructive criticism, maybe. But he would never put me down for my looks.

LadySandcastle · 2022-06-02T22:33:52+00:00

Well there is honesty and then there is...crude. Saying he is traumatized by just you in glasses is dramatic and seems like a way to put you down. Is the rest of the dynamic good?

Also what is it you want to achieve, do you want to cut out makeup everyday but feel like you can't now, or is your husband's put down just hurting you?

If you want to change your style maybe try lighter makeup everyday. Like just concelar, mascara and a lip gloss/tinted balm. Find comfortable clothes that are also cute, elastic shorts, skirts, sweaters etc.

If it's your husband's words that hurt you you could tell him how you feel. Something to the effect of "I feel unattractive when you say things like that" and leave it there, see if he does anything to course correct. He loves you so he shouldn't want you unhappy, even if he prefers you dolled up.

(If you ever have children you'll have less time for aesthetics anyway).

CCloudds · 2022-06-03T05:59:19+00:00

"Beauty is best experienced as a consequence of self love not an obsessive goal . Too many women have wasted their lives because they trusted men who worshipped their physical form. Beauty has no stand alone value and it is an instrument used to sway perception of worth, as it is not a measure of actual worth" - Salkis Re the ugly girl ambassador.You know what you should stop wearing make up and contact lenses till you feel better. We all will become ugly as we get older. If you are insecure people can sense that and use your weakness against you. Always remember that beauty is a tool not a virtue. Being ugly is nothing to be ashamed of ugliness exists in this world. I am not gonna demonise your husband cause I had a boyfriend who was blunt and used to laugh at me whenever i did my makeup he was a good person even with all his faults. Maybe if you become confident in your skin he will admire you for it. I remember when I was im school I used to take so many selfies amd I thought I looked beautiful but actually it was the beauty filter on my phone lol. When I removed it I realised how below average looking I am but after sometime I got used to what I actually looked like. I stopped being ashamed of how I look I look like my dad and I love him so much how could I ever be ashamed of how I look. Even if I am ugly according to Indian beauty standards I don't care I didn't commit a crime I embrace my average looks. When you start embracing yourself and get used to how you look maybe your man will start getting used to you as well. And if he doesn't well it's his loss. Because you seem like a really caring person.

aleatingasandwich · 2022-06-03T00:47:43+00:00

Well, it seems like either your husband has terrible manners and doesn't know how to keep her thoughts to himself, or intentionally said that to you to make you feel bad about the way that you look when your looks aren't up to his standard as a way of discouraging you from not putting in effort. Either way, it goes against everything that I think a husband should be. My husband is a protector and a provider, in the protection extends to your heart as well. I can't imagine being married to somebody who didn't reassure me of my beauty no matter what, and my heart breaks for women who can't have that security and peace of mind.

the_gato_says · 2022-06-02T23:52:01+00:00

Start dressing how you want to dress and see what happens. Your husband may have something nasty to say, or he may realize you’re a human being with evolving tastes.

Jenneapolis · 2022-06-03T20:06:16+00:00

I can’t stop thinking about this post and admit it confuses me. What happens for example when you first wake up in the morning next to him and you don’t have make up on? Does he expect you to hop right in the shower and put on a full face of make up right away? Or what about if you work out? I’m just thinking of all the scenarios in which I can’t wear make up in life even though I enjoy make up. I could see a partner getting turned off if it’s a date night and you go out looking like a slob because it shows bad judgment and disrespect, but just not have a make up on in your home? That’s definitely guaranteed to happen because we all shower and sleep and work out and you can’t do that with make up on. I’m sincerely confused on what he thinks you can do to solve this.

Advanced_Bar_673 · 2022-06-02T23:09:48+00:00

I'm shy for my bf to see me with zero make-up, so I make sure my "basics" are put together: I get lash extensions, make sure my eyebrows are always filled in, and use Vaseline rose gloss or other when I'm home with him.

You shouldn't feel bad about yourself in no makeup, but you can still enhance your natural assets when he is with you. Perhaps take away one "thing" at a time, gradually, so he can adjust to seeing you with less on your face: skip foundation or mix w moisturizer so it's lighter coverage, try wearing just a little blush with no foundation/ powder/ contouring, if you wear eyeliner try skipping it for a volumizing mascara, use clear gloss vs lipstick, etc.

Hope this helps! <3

SuperiorLake_ · 2022-06-03T14:17:58+00:00

I was all sweaty in a baggy shirt and joggers, elbow deep gutting a lake trout and my husband said I was so beautiful and he loved me.

aussiedollface2 · 2022-06-03T22:16:49+00:00

“Traumatised”?!?! as he saw you with glasses? Sorry but what a pussy, needs to man tf up tbh.

Onto your self esteem, is there something in particular about your appearance that bothers you? I used to feel the same without makeup but really it was because my skin was bad, so then I fixed my skin and therefore needed less makeup then my anxiety went away. xo

Marissa_Smiles · 2022-06-05T22:58:16+00:00

You need to have a conversation with him. He can’t treat you the way he does everyone else. My husband owns businesses and as a person, doesn’t sugarcoat anything. Listening to him speak on the phone, I would honestly say he is short at times. But the way he treats me and our children is the complete opposite. He literally will sit for a tea party or endless questions from our son. Because he takes he role as husband and father seriously. Early on I had to have a conversation with him about me venting. He basically offered me suggestions, when I just wanted an ear. And I told him that he needs to just listen. He understood and now will say. “You want help or just to vent”. Maybe he doesn’t realize how his comments are making you feel. Talk to him. Good luck

testymessytess · 2022-06-06T01:42:45+00:00

Marriage lasts a long time. My husband has seen me in labor. He’s seen me vomiting a dozen times a day while sick with hypermesis during pregnancy. He’s seen me in the depths of grief from the loss of a child.

After the birth of our oldest, my bladder wasn’t working and I had to have a traveling catheter for 10 days until I could urinate. My husband helped me shower and dress as my recovery that time was intense.

Seeing me with glasses on doesn’t even rate.

I’m going to hope for your sake and his he’s young and will mature with time. Marriage isn’t for the faint of heart. Beauty fades. People get sick.

LaneyAndPen · 2022-06-03T01:32:21+00:00

This relationship is unhealthy and really odd. LDR and married?? Why would you do that? Don’t feel bad for him having to see you in comfortable wear, he’s just an asshole and definitely sees you as arm candy if he wants you look amazing at all times. Please divorce him, there’s no point you two being together

StrawberryCake88 · 2022-06-03T01:09:14+00:00

Are you sure he’s not just talking dude? Sometimes they say something negative because the assumption is it’s so obviously not that it’s funny. For example, “Oh yea! You look tERrIBlE!” Because you, from his perspective, look identical with and without glasses.

DelicateDevelopment · 2022-06-03T10:14:27+00:00

I think this does not really come across in all the other comments.

Sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, but from my perspective the problem is that you expect your husband to find you sexy or beautiful in whatever you wear.

You are a human being and you need to be able to deal with the fact that you do not always look perfect and that you will have better days and worse days.

Like what do you expect from your husband? That he admires your beauty from morning to dawn?

To change the perspective a little bit... It is almost like a woman that is completely obsessed with a clean apartment. So obsessed that noone can breathe anymore.

Yes, his comment was a bit insensitive. But most likely it was not even serious but a joke. Because if not I guess it would indicate a bad and mean character and it would not be an isolated incident but show in other situations as well and you would describe the problem differently. So I assume that you are even aware that here you yourself are a bit too obsessed with your appearance and your husbands comment just puts fuel on a problem that you have with yourself and your expectations.

Why do you make an issue of it?

I think you are aware of this and this is why you posted the OP... Don't get caught up in the comments that encourage your perspective and are empathic with your insecurity. This will only fuel your sensitvity and forcing him to never make such jokes will only worsen your problem because you expect him to compensate... Yes, his comment was not gentle, but your reaction to it is definitely over reacting 🙂

It is not your husbands duty to avoid all insecurities on your side... You need to learn to balance a healthy perspective on yourself <3

His love for you and attraction most likely do not depend on you being an unreal beauty 24/7 otherwise he would probably not have married you 😉

lavachequirie · 2022-06-02T23:51:37+00:00

You can’t expect your partner to be dolled up 100% of the time, that is unreasonable. Your partner should find you attractive when you’re wearing glasses. It’s frankly insane that he would say he doesn’t find you attractive in glasses, let alone that he’s “traumatized.” My husband has genuinely thought me beautiful in my lowest moments, as every husband should. To say he’s “traumatized” seeing you that way, and that his rude comments have caused you so much anxiety, signals to me that this relationship is unhealthy. It’s fine if a man is straightforward. My husband will say “those glasses do not flatter you” or he will gently remind me about my food choices if I start putting on weight (as I do for him), but he would NEVER be rude about it. The lack of compassion here is astounding, frankly. You should not be made to loathe yourself in any state. What will he say when you’re a new mother and you don’t have the time or energy to be all dolled up? Or what if you get sick? It’s shallow and unreasonable to expect you to look your best all of the time and he should love you unconditionally and show you kindness no matter what. Good riddance to him.

Such_Beginning_1629 · 2022-06-04T07:57:21+00:00

Contact lenses are not forever! I am unable to wear them because I got dry eye syndrome and the doc told me to stop!

Title	I loathe who I am without make-up and elegant clothes.
Author	Glum_Preference_408
Upvotes	56
Comments	38
Date	June 2, 2022 8:30 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/v3i4ul/i_loathe_who_i_am_without_makeup_and_elegant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-loathe-who-i-am-without-make-up-and-elegant.1117510 https://theredarchive.com/post/1117510

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