Contemplating divorce

mehmench · 2022-07-15T18:34:49+00:00

Just to be clear - a rub and tug *IS* cheating if she says it is.

It absolutely is.

guy_n_cognito_tu · 2022-07-15T18:39:37+00:00

Maybe the problem is that you DONT consider a “rub and tug” infidelity……

Ten years married and you’re so pissed about twice a week that you’re cheating on your wife? My man….I’m not sure you’ll get s lot of support here.

throwaway_72752 · 2022-07-15T19:01:01+00:00

I would be advising her to cut bait here. No kids, no house, no need to argue over rudimentary sex education. You obviously don’t respect her so let her go. You can do all the things you feel you are missing.

wtfthecanuck · 2022-07-15T19:13:28+00:00

Seems like if anyone should consider divorce, it is her. Nothing you have written suggests you have any respect for her, but have no problem disrespecting her and your marriage. So go ahead and do her a favour.

HelixFish · 2022-07-15T18:30:33+00:00

Twice a week is great in a relationship that long. If you need more, talk to her and ask her what her needs are. Take responsibility. Make sure she is feeling sexy and confident about herself and that you are fit and taking care of yourself. Kids?

AggieDan1996 · 2022-07-15T19:37:08+00:00

Dude. An orgasm is not the end-all be-all that you seem currently wired to think that it is.

Could you get sex somewhere else? Sure. Fine. Good for you. Good ol' "catch and release," right?

But, let me tell you that you're fucking shit up hard because you're counting how often you have an orgasm per week. And you're hooked on that new relationship energy and each "conquest."

ABBucsfan · 2022-07-15T18:31:47+00:00

Hate to break it to you, but when you've been married 10 years twice a week is considered pretty good from everything I hear. It's not really even considered a dead bedroom until you go months. I went years but eventually realized the moment she got kid #2 it was over. That's the sad reality of modern day marriage generally with a few exceptions. Guys usually want it more, it's the common complaint.

If you're getting it that regularly and feeling need to be unfaithful I'd say you have bigger issues in your marriage or maybe marriage just isn't for you (heck I'd never do it again or recommend it to anyone). It's inevitable after several years you get into routine and less exciting, more comfortable. You could give counselling a try if you really want to make it work, but sounds like you are only half in, which doesn't usually work either. Marriage requires both to be all in.. which is what I thought people meant with their vows and tried to stick to it, but she didnt..The good news is you don't have kids so it would be a lot easier I'd you choose to split.

I guess what I was saying at the start was don't expect next one to be much different if you try again, especially if you both actually were getting along well... That's tough in and of itself

Duchesst · 2022-07-15T19:33:23+00:00

Lol twice a week after 10 years. I was the dude an twice a month was sufficient for me, not the ex though she would have loved it every day

stent00 · 2022-07-15T18:39:35+00:00

How did she find out you got a rub and tug?? I'd keep that on the down low...

CaliDude75 · 2022-07-15T18:39:26+00:00

It doesn’t take full-blown PIV or BJ for it to be indefinitely. That said, if you’re contrite, and asked for forgiveness, and she’s willing to reconcile, and most importantly, if you think it’s worth saving, try to salvage it.

Otherwise, might be time for a hard, but necessary sit-down.

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-07-15T18:48:35+00:00

So you're what, early mid 30's? Life is short. Don't revolve it around a women. Get out and enjoy.

playerknowmore · 2022-07-15T19:16:48+00:00

You fucked up, and when the mess you created gets hard your first instinct is to bail. Doesn't seem like you are built for marriage. Since your first instinct wasn't to fight to make her feel safe in the relationship; you probably should divorce.

Do you have any idea how many men here have been truly fucked over by a lying, cheating woman. You seem to have one of the last good ones left, and you think you deserve a rub tug. Seriously set her free!

borneoknives · 2022-07-15T19:39:25+00:00

It’s clearly not working. No fault it and you can both move on.

Millhouse201 · 2022-07-15T19:41:53+00:00

You don’t consider what you did infidelity… she should leave your ass….

ncredman69 · 2022-07-15T20:37:42+00:00

Don't try and work it out, she will always hold this over your head. Yes, single life will be better and u should do it. Sex in a Marriage is just as important as communication and truth. You sought after Sex because you weren't being satisfied and it's understandable. If you told her in the beginning, then u didn't "cheat" ( I use the word cheat loosely) but if u didn't, you were wrong. The next women who chooses u, let her know what ur requirements are in order to be with you. If u desire sex more frequently than 2x a week, tell her and if she don't do it, let her go.

Title	Contemplating divorce
Author	ETC111000
Upvotes	0
Comments	28
Date	July 15, 2022 6:10 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/vzv8on/contemplating_divorce/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/contemplating-divorce.1123694 https://theredarchive.com/post/1123694

Comments