A long and largely pointless rant

Inareskai · 2022-07-31T19:37:00+00:00

Through red pill, I learned everything I needed to know about why someone like me can't be loved

The red pill has lied to you.

Coollogin · 2022-07-31T19:15:08+00:00

But I hate the ambiguity and tension of flirting - I'm just not comfortable making overtly sexual comments towards other people or even implying them.

Women typically reject men who make overtly sexual comments. That's not what it takes to get a girlfriend. When I met the man who is now my husband, we didn't flirt. We just talked. Then I saw him at a bar in my neighborhood, and we talked and talked and talked. And then he asked me to a movie, and we had dinner and drinks and talked. Eventually, we went out for drinks, then back to his place, where we did the deed. He didn't take charge; we were both into it.

Now, I get being nervous your first time. Everyone is. But stop worrying about the sex. Just meet women and and talk to them. When one shows signs of enjoying talking to you, keep on talking. Eventually, if she shows interest, you guys can make out. Make out a lot without having sex -- it will help with the nerves. Eventually, one of your makeout sessions will go "too far" before you even are aware of it.

FellasImSorry · 2022-07-31T18:40:59+00:00

You need all the therapy.

Your entire worldview is mistaken.

The people who convinced you they know what women want, and how relationships work, are a self-selected group of people who have trouble with relationships with women.

They literally know less about this than any other group of people, but convince themselves (and others) that they’re describing reality.

They are not.

Get some help.

sleepy_sunflower · 2022-07-31T23:44:51+00:00

I try not to be harsh in comments on this sub but I think it's important that you hear this straight up: what you just said is flat out wrong. The understanding you think you have of women is incorrect. MOST women want comfort, trust, and safety from their lovers, and most women want to provide that to their lovers in return (and there are a LOT of relationships all around where this is clearly true). Most women do not enjoy overt sexual comments from strangers or near-strangers (even if they are good looking). Many, many women are not looking for a hyper masculine person, many women actually prefer feminine men. No healthy relationship is possible without emotional vulnerability. All of these assumptions you are making are red pill poison.

If the people you surround yourself with seem to confirm the worldview you just shared, then you need to surround yourself with new groups of people.

exaltedhero355 · 2022-07-31T21:59:03+00:00

You cannot reach longevity in relationships without being yourself.

What are you looking for? Im looking for a long lasting relationship, where I need to keep the balance of being masculine and being feminine (need to be myself). I wont hold back my tears if a dear person of me dies, I need a woman who will let me express my emotions.

If you are looking for casual stuff, I guess thats the time you need that red pill sort of roleplay.

Never call yourself a beta male dont let anyone tell you so, never compare yourself w other men, because there is no end there is always a physically or mentally stronger guy out there. I compare only with myself, I am looking to beat a week before version of myself both intellectually and physically.

In what sense are you an alpha or beta? Go watch any combat sport, there is no single human being that can remain on top of the world and be an alpha male. If you are in a working enviroment the hard working smart guy is the best, while the same thing goes for a tall guy in a basketball court. You get the idea.

xvszero · 2022-08-01T02:59:55+00:00

Red pill lied to you. I'm exactly the kind of guy you claim you can't be, and I'm happily married.

I repeat. Red pill lied to you.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2022-07-31T22:59:36+00:00

What's stopping you from making friends with women?

lacrymology · 2022-08-01T12:29:14+00:00

Dude, you're okay. I'm everything you've just described, and I've had several girlfriends, and other significative relationships, I've never had to perform masculinity, I wear make up, while hairy and slightly overweight. My "coming on" to people I like when on a date or something is basically just like.. putting my hand closer and checking whether they'd feel comfortable with me getting closer, maybe some touching of arms, some physical contact to gauge reactions. Sometimes I even ask whether it'd be okay to kiss someone. And most of all, getting the hint if I don't feel it's welcome and just carry on with the conversation, not be a dick about rejection. "Okay, sorry" if I asked outright, or just retreat and keep enjoying my evening with them Yes, maybe I'm a bit too passive and I might have lost a lot of opportunities by not being more obvious, but I can't say I've ever lacked for affection and intimacy, at least since I was about 24-ish (I was an insecure mess before) Only one girlfriend ever gave up on me because I wasn't "masculine" enough and that was about picking restaurants and standing up to her mother, rather than hiding my feelings or any such crap, and fuck her, honestly

You just need to get rid of the stupid red pill idea that women want "manly men". Maybe some do, and maybe they are not for you, but I guarantee, there's plenty of women who like sensitive guys

What you may need to do, if that's really your problem, is to stop being overwhelming when you first meet someone, and not being needy. But that's a "general life" advice, not dating advice. There's ways to be sensitive and vulnerable without being overwhelming (specially with people you don't have the trust, or on relationships that aren't there yet) and without sounding needy. You just need to know what you need and want, and communicate that assertively and respectfully.

rusty344 · 2022-08-01T06:47:30+00:00

Why you listing your penis size as an attribute my guy

debatelord_1 · 2022-07-31T20:27:56+00:00

Yeah I was also always a very sensitive, intellectual kid. Was never really able to overcome this...

Naus1987 · 2022-07-31T22:08:48+00:00

Maybe you’re asexual

itneverbeganwithyou · 2022-07-31T21:33:03+00:00

Not everyone can be successful at love. We are in that category.

moistJesus666 · 2022-08-01T02:03:23+00:00

Embrace it bro. If it’s not gonna happen, it’s not going to happen. There’s no point tanking your mental health thinking about what could have been if you were of a higher value.

AutoModerator · 2022-07-31T18:13:57+00:00

Please note that this account is new and may not yet be a trusted commenter for this sub.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

CuckooCatLady · 2022-08-01T14:00:08+00:00

Your rant is not pointless. It sounds like you are being quite honest with yourself here. Trying to get to the core of what you are feeling (and why) is a good thing and a great first step toward getting to a healthy place. I agree with the folks here talking about therapy. If that seems like too much right now, look into what Brené Brown has to say about shame and vulnerability. A good place to start is with a TED talk she did called "Listening to Shame."

So much of red pill is about exploiting the shame that some men feel because of ideas about masculinity that have been pressed by society, unhealthy fathers (and other male "role models"), and sometimes women (who probably have internalized misogyny.)

The people who push these ideas are not healthy people in healthy relationships. They aren't in it to help people. They aren't happy or self-actualized people.

And it's not just exploiting the shame of men, it seeks to exploit the shame of women as well (with things like negging and other manipulative tactics).

Break free of all that. Figure out who you are and start loving and bringing out the best of that person. Don't try to twist yourself into shapes for other people, but rather, find someone who is a healthy person and wants a relationship with you because of who you are. And here's where therapy can also help... Figure out how to become a better communicator about who you are and what your needs are. Learn to create boundaries around these needs and desires. Nobody is compatible with 100 percent of people, so it's important that you're honest about all of that so that the relationship can proceed authentically and not be based on lies/masking/facade. Be upfront about being sensitive and emotional, but lose the "beta" tag and all other red pill verbiage. (It's such a red flag and honestly a huge filter for most women.) There will be some women who don't value those attributes in a partner. Uncomfortable shruggie. When you are honest about who you are, you realize that it's a plus that you can both move on and find compatible partners. There are some women who are looking for a man who is exactly the things you describe in yourself.

Regarding the sex stuff, if it makes you uncomfortable to think of taking your clothes off for a stranger, then don't do that. You are in control of that. And you should not be doing anything that you don't want to do just because some busted ass, half-baked ideology says you should want that. Wait until you feel good about it and get to know somebody so that they're not a stranger.

Title	A long and largely pointless rant
Author	stupidfakethrowaway
Upvotes	30
Comments	56
Date	July 31, 2022 6:13 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/wcv2is/a_long_and_largely_pointless_rant/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/a-long-and-largely-pointless-rant.1125749 https://theredarchive.com/post/1125749

Comments