13.5 years together. We've had problems for a while now, happiness/relationship kind of declining over the last few years, and I've been cut off from all affection for nearly a year. She has a nasty temper, never got physical, but it was a lot of screaming at me and our kid, sometimes throwing things. On and off for years. Couples therapy was a bust.

Our kid is now identifying as nonbinary, which has set off my wife even more. She can't handle it and is working hard to "bring her around" to her old identity and has been pretty cruel about it sometimes. I'm not crazy about it either, but the reaction is more destructive than the transition.

After talking to an attorney, and a couple of counselors, they're all telling me she is abusive and I have to take action. I am embarrassed that it took me this long to recognize and do something about it. I don't know how to explain this to my parents, our mutual friends, or anyone else. None of them know what went on at home, and I'm afraid I'll be seen as either a liar, or as a jerk for not stopping it sooner. It sucks.

It's also just so hard to give up hope that things will get better. And she's nice almost all of the time, and I think trying harder... And I don't want to tear apart the family. (Listen to me! I'm an idiot.)

Anyway, so here we go. At least I have a really good shot at primary, if not full, custody. She's has a good job, so I'll probably get reasonable child support. Either way, I have to put a stop to all this and pursue my own happiness, no matter what.

Thanks for listening.