Why do men carry more responsibility regarding birth control?

themanwhomfall · 2022-08-31T19:51:14+00:00

Always use a condom even if she says she on the pill.

KeyaruCatholic · 2022-08-31T19:55:32+00:00

Men have straight up been lied to about equality at least with regards to a man's expected responsibility in a lot of cases. Many women still expect men to be the primary provider. Still expect men and only men to go to war. Still expect men to take responsibility even if things fell apart due to her own negligence like your example. Caveat emptor when having sex outside of marriage op.

equalRights111 · 2022-08-31T21:03:04+00:00

Unfortunately, men can’t win here. Regardless of the circumstances, society will insist men are responsible for the child. I doubt you, I, or anyone else will have any success in convincing people otherwise :(

Eleusis713 · 2022-08-31T20:09:05+00:00

Why do men carry more responsibility regarding birth control?

They shouldn't. This is a maladaptive holdover from our evolutionary roots where men are expected to provide for women and children. Malagency also likely plays a role. That is, humans naturally fixate on male agency and ignore/dismiss female agency. Men are generally viewed as having power, as the cause of everything right or wrong in any given situation, and women are generally viewed as lacking power. Men are the cause of circumstances while women are victims of circumstances. Because men are generally viewed as having more agency than women, they are consistently saddled with disproportionate responsibility. There are evolutionary reasons why we instinctively think this way that I won't go into but here's an insightful post that explains this idea more thoroughly.

If women have the ability to unilaterally choose to keep or terminate a pregnancy (as they should), then men should have an opportunity to unilaterally opt out of financial and legal responsibilities for any potential child. Women are making unilateral choices and that should come with the risk of unilateral responsibility. Men should not be forced to subsidize women's choices. Women's bodies are not men's responsibility. Men don't have reproductive rights such as financial abortion in much of the developed world and it causes a lot of problems.

Also, sex is not consent to pregnancy or to having parental responsibilities, this is a fallacy. We understand this for women and abortion, but apparently not for men. Sex is consent to the risk of pregnancy that might result in a child. Not all acts of sex result in pregnancy and not all pregnancies result in children. And you can take this one step further and acknowledge that after a child is born, there's still no guarantee that the biological parents will be parenting that child. These are all important distinctions. Sex is three steps removed from someone having parental responsibilities.

It's also incredibly ironic how many pro-choice people turn into conservative right wingers when you confront them about the idea of financial abortion for men. They immediately start using the same talking points that conservatives make against abortion for women, "Don't want a kid? Don't have sex.", that sort of garbage.

EDIT:

But what if I did use a condom and I knew she wasn't on the pill? Then they probably wouldn't judge me for not willing to participate in raising the kid right?

I wouldn't be so sure about that. The argument is that "they know the risks, if they don't want a kid, then they shouldn't have sex." which is a conservative argument against abortion and an argument everyone uses against financial abortion for men. According to these people, it doesn't matter whether anyone involved uses BC or not, the risk of pregnancy is always there.

Aimless-Nomad · 2022-08-31T22:09:59+00:00

Female Hypoagency.

anoncitizen4 · 2022-08-31T23:30:11+00:00

Both parties carry responsibility. If you use a condom then you have done your duty to prevent pregnancy (and disease). If you rely on your partner taking a pill then you haven't done everything in your power to prevent pregnancy, you are relying on someone else to.

Now there still is some what of a double standard in that a man who slips a condom off during sex is considered a rapist while a woman who lies about the pill is just exercising her bodily automy.

Veronica7777777 · 2022-08-31T20:32:30+00:00

I think it drast8cally changes on the country you're in. In Ireland its 50% responsibility, the custody goes to the one that's got the means of keeping that children. I'd say it's tricky for both of you, custody can go to botb of you literally. I recommend to use condoms everytime unless you want to have a long term relationship with someone, it's really not hard to understand.

dw87190 · 2022-08-31T20:02:26+00:00

Because a woman's body is a man's responsibility

DankmemesforBJs · 2022-08-31T22:57:57+00:00

Lying about being on the pill should be a criminal offense. It is like stealthing - neither are ok. When you open up to people and they blame you, that’s victim blaming in a sense. Please remember to take care of yourself and try finding someone who doesn’t blame you that you can open up to

63daddy · 2022-08-31T23:05:52+00:00

Women have reproductive rights, men have reproductive responsibilities. It’s not equal and it’s not fair.

Unfortunately fairness and equality are often discarded when the issues at hand impact one sex differently. Accused college males are denied due process. You can bet that wouldn’t be the case if it was women who were typically having to defend themselves. Consider how lenient we are on women who commit paternity fraud compared to people who commit other kinds of fraud. The difference of course is that the victims of paternity fraud are always male and the perpetrators almost always female.

Bottom line is society is gynocentric.

Liesa92 · 2022-08-31T20:54:05+00:00

Ok, here's the thing: obviously she was the asshole to tell you she is on the pill if she wasn't, but the pill is not 100% effective and has to be taken the same time every day to even reach it's max effectiveness which isn't 100%.

If you knew all this, you are not the asshole and you deserve to tell everyone in your life to suck it.

But a lot of the times women are the ones mostly responsible for birth control, e.g. having to take the pill in the first place (condoms also only work 98% of the time), going to the doctor and having to pay the bill.

Also, a lot of guys say they do not like to use condoms.

Honestly, if you are part of the guys that are happy with using condoms and have looked into birth control, you completely deserve to be a bitch to your friends or even cut them out - if they don;t believe you are a great guy why do they hang out with you in the first place?

reddifiningkarma · 2022-08-31T22:09:20+00:00

Case 1: woman uses pill Case 2: man uses condom

I guess the moral of the story is the one actively using the birth control get judged less when it backfires... Notice the "when backfires" not "if...

SpicyNippss · 2022-09-01T01:16:06+00:00

Get a vasectomy, brother. Best decision of my life.

Schroedinbug · 2022-09-01T02:08:46+00:00

I'd argue that women carry more responsibility typically with regards to birth control, which means that more trust is needed from men that they are using it properly or at all.

More options for male-specific birth control would benefit both parties (women bear less responsibility in that area and men have more options that require less trust).

Any_Drama3272 · 2022-09-01T07:35:45+00:00

It’s not. In some states laws are changing where if one person claims to use a particular form of birth control but is not, then they may have charges pressed against them. This is called Reproductive abuse which even accounts for sabotaging the birth control and can be taken to a civil court for lawsuit. Meanwhile rape laws are adjusting to include situations like these…

For example: stealthing.

In no way is it acceptable for a woman to claim she is on birth control while really not, but I would advise you to maintain your own use of birth control for you, because regardless of gender, people can be full of shit and birth control can fail, but I would place the blame and irresponsibility on her.

5shad · 2022-09-01T09:40:20+00:00

Slightly Off-topic. The responsibilities of being a Father is challenging. It's much harder to be a Father than a Mother in a family setting. If anybody disagrees with that, I'd be happy to break it down. As a Father of two, I do meet what is expected of me but yet they still complain. I normally just kill the conversation by saying 'maybe you should do it' or 'why don't you do it'. My life in a nutshell.

Fuzzy_Department2799 · 2022-08-31T19:37:13+00:00

Because there is a far lower expectation of accountability for women than men when it comes to accidental pregnancy's. It was your job to protect her and you failed.

Accomplished_Pipe877 · 2022-08-31T22:08:49+00:00

One of the first things I learned about sex is that they pretty much all say "I'm on the pill". Don't take their word for it.

IMO women should have the onus on this one. They have many more options for contraceptives and they are the ones who control access to sex. It is their consent which allows lawful intercourse, not ours.

But try telling that to society at large or people in general.

If you were to use a condom and she was 'on the pill' and she told you she was pregnant, I would get a paternity test ASAP. I'm not sure if you have to wait until birth or not but get it done at your first opportunity.

DutchOnionKnight · 2022-08-31T20:54:16+00:00

Just answering your title. We are the ones who have too much to lose.

Dapper_Revolution_65 · 2022-08-31T21:38:19+00:00

We care the same responsibility as women, but because we have less rights as it is "Her Choice" it feels like we have more responsibility.

Remarkable-Ad1479 · 2022-08-31T23:11:04+00:00

Women lying tends to be not judged accordingly.

Qantourisc · 2022-08-31T22:17:29+00:00

You did you part, you checked if your partner was using birth control, so you took your responsibility.

If it was a women she would check for a condom,if it was a men if they are on birth control medication.The only difference is: you only have her word, she can check.

O and I would classify this under rape. You did not consent to unprotected sex.

prayforblood · 2022-09-01T01:38:34+00:00

I agree that there should be some legal way men can separate themselves from women who do this. If anything, it would cause women to be more picky with their partners since the only trap they can set will end up only trapping them.

Scandi_Navy · 2022-09-01T06:58:19+00:00

You still think that the shared goal is cooperation. If her goal is actually pregnancy or child support, then you lose if you choose cooperation. If you are significantly hotter or richer, than any other man she can get in a relationship, or she is pressed for time, it becomes very tempting for her to play deception.

Why society thinks the way they do. The cultural aspect of sex is something a man does to a woman. Is that fair? No. Actually it's the opposite, she has several birth control options. Some she can use at the same time, like a copper IUD + hormonal depo injection + female condom + etc + even Plan B if needed. And then there is the option to have it aborted. If a woman doesn't want to get pregnant, she won't. She is the one in control. But these options are not made to give women control, they are developed to remove accountability.

You as a man only have a condom. And while she gets to have your child surgically removed.. you don't even get to choose during her pregnancy if you want it or not and thereby opt out of raising and paying. You do not have reproductive rights.

One could argue that your opting out would put pressure on her to get an abortion. But I'd argue that she already knew your position was no, unless you are in a committed relationship and were trying to get pregnant.

So what's with all the bullshit? The underlying reason is biology. Specifically the thing that makes women attractive. You think it's beauty, but it's more specific. Besides symmetry that also counts for men, it is neoteny. The child like configuration of the face that makes us say Aaaw when we see a kitten. No it doesn't mean you are attracted to kittens, but the youthfulness in a fully grown adult. Because those are the peak fertility years.

Not only does it make people feel women have no agency. It also means women therefore have an underdeveloped sense of accountability compare to men. Even successful women don't want a female boss, and all female companies tend to fail. Women are in part also attracted to men for their agency. Hence the affairs at work tend to be with someone who has responsibility, not necessarily power.

Fair? No. Can it be changed in the law? It's going to be an uphill battle. A male birth control would be a simpler and better way to protect men. Because the system, that is, the people carrying out the law.. will still be influenced by neoteny. And that is exactly why women developed those features. They are a powerful defense mechanism. You know what else it does? Makes them feel like they live in a patriarchy.

The wall, and independent women's increasing rates of depression, specially as they get older to me also seem linked to the loss of neoteny. Faces keep growing and the composition changes.

elebrin · 2022-09-01T13:04:31+00:00

Because women want children. I really think it's that simple.

If you have sex without protection then you want children. If you lie about not being able to have children then have unprotected sex anyways, then you are trying to trick a man into fathering your children. Regardless of what noises come out of your face, your actions are those of someone who is trying to make a baby.

It's a reminder for all of us: sex is NOT a casual encounter. Because of the risks involved. There can be diseases, 18 years of raising a child at extreme expense, the possibility of an accusation of rape if consent is lost at any point in the act or regrets are experienced after, and possibly others that I'm not thinking of at the moment. Sex needs to be undertaken only with a partner that you have carefully vetted and can trust completely. If you don't want her on your bank account, then you don't want her on your dick either.

The real danger we have gotten ourselves into is we have been pretending that sex can be casual and we have neglected to go through the proper process of vetting and establishing trust. When the consequence of a lie is so great, we need to be far more careful and be certain our trust is well founded.

Antarkian · 2022-09-01T13:11:41+00:00

So we can be blamed and allow women to do whatever they want after the fact. Least that's how it seems..........

Zealousideal-Pickle3 · 2022-09-01T15:16:11+00:00

Honestly I’d have to argue men can’t win with sex. Best not to engage in it until you’re ready for the relationship to potentially produce a child. Too many men kid trapped, too many women willing to trap but like to have the way out as an option (and not use it)it’s ridiculous. Men need to better protect their DNA for their own protection.

Just-Contribution418 · 2023-07-10T13:14:51+00:00

Birth control is not mostly a man’s responsibility. It is the responsibility of both partners.

The consequences for a woman to be irresponsible are both physical and financial A man’s consequences are financial.

You both were irresponsible.

Now she has to pay for it physically and financially and you have to pay for it financially.

The fact that you see it as only a man’s responsibility seems to hint that you feel you should have zero responsibility when it comes to birth control.

Title	Why do men carry more responsibility regarding birth control?
Author	NoReportPlz
Upvotes	70
Comments	51
Date	August 31, 2022 7:28 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/x2mbl1/why_do_men_carry_more_responsibility_regarding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/why-do-men-carry-more-responsibility-regarding.1130571 https://theredarchive.com/post/1130571

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