I (20M) can't stop thinking of women in a negative light

thrifteddivacup · 2022-12-27T09:28:55+00:00

Honestly this post seems so conflicting in that you say you have basically super low standards and all you need is for someone to be decent looking but then you also are complaining and generalizing a bunch about women, which makes me think you ACTUALLY have pretty particular standards, or that you come off as being so to others maybe? The way you complain about women in school is just majorly rough, man. More men than women party during college, and there's a large percentage of students who say they don't party at all. Not to mention about 30% of the people in STEM fields are women, do they just not exist to you? Plus that number is increasing (but keep in mind, it's these redpill thoughts that can deter women from even wanting to ATTEMPT working in STEM fields, they get non stop judgment for literally just having different genitals, so please remind me how easy mode women have it) Not every woman is a communications major, and maybe you should learn to respect fields beyond the ones you're interested in or that make the most bucks, as they're still important and take work.

You can have everything in the world and be the hottest guy on the block, but a lot of ladies are going to be turned the fuck off by redpill vibes. Honestly, you should raise your standards, but in the right ways. Being with someone who isn't into anything you do sounds boring AF, why even bother? You should try to focus on you and what you want beyond getting laid, don't build yourself up for women, do it for you. Having sex for the first time isn't as life altering as some people make it seem, and is probably more likely to come with more risks than rewards.

Yesm3can · 2022-12-27T11:08:49+00:00

I'm in computer engineering at a top university and I spend so much fucking time studying compared to these women who enroll in these braindead majors

This kind of arrogance is kinda common among male engineering students somehow. I was one of 5 women in our batch year studying EE. None of these 5 women dated fellow engineering (male) students because of this kind of arrogance thinking. You cannot respect people who you think lower than you. And when you cannot respect someone, you can never genuinely love them. Back then there were some engineering bros who got together with women from humanities studies...and wondered why their relationships did not last.

I know that you are young, but you will see in a few years, after you worked for a few years in our fields, most engineers are honestly not -all that-. Many of us are simply got overpaid for being mediocre and in the same tune, the ones truly brilliant do not get enough credits for it.

The only female engineer I personally knew who got together with a fellow engineer is my sister in law. But she and my brother have known each other since they were kids. My own husband is in advertisement.

Just a suggestion from older folk here, you should try to get to know yourself first, because that's the only thing you can do. Accept that you are still young. Very young. Accept that engineering, while it is a great and exciting path to take, is not all that. And we actually need those people who studies humanities to make our future working and living lives easier for us.

One of the most successful physicists I know took gender study as his complementary subjects, because as much as we like to think fuck the normies, life would have been so much simpler if all humans are rationals and mathematically quantifiable, that is not the world we are living in and we just need to learn more about people, which one of the ways, is through those 'braindead majors'.

ScentofHorizon · 2022-12-27T07:32:28+00:00

Also therapy and counseling helps deal with frustration

clemd69 · 2022-12-27T11:17:19+00:00

You don’t have to make more money! Please this is hurtful thinking for you man.

dongtouch · 2022-12-27T07:51:28+00:00

Women can sense desperation and resentment from a mile away. Your attitude is highly toxic, so I’m glad you recognize it, because it is probably coming through and putting women off.

If you can get any sort of therapy for the resentment, I’d recommend that. But I think more important is getting more experience interacting with women without the goal of a date in mind. You are still very young, so try to keep a perspective that you have another good 60 years ahead of you. Spend 6 months with a goal of trying to have platonic, genuine interactions with women, all kinds, not just who you want to date. Try to make acquaintances or even friends. If you can find regular volunteering or a club or meet up with women in it (hiking, something with animals, helping in a soup kitchen, etc), start there.

Keep in mind, women have a very different experience from you. Yes it’s easier to get a date but it doesn’t mean easier to get a date we actually enjoy. We have our own unique challenges including personal safety. It’s not really comparable; just different. Focus on yourself.

tinyhermione · 2022-12-27T12:12:16+00:00

Do you flirt with women at these parties? Ask them out?

And you just have to realize a win is different for men and women. Women can easily find sex with a random guy, but they don't want sex with a random stranger and hookups usually aren't that enjoyable for them. So what's a win for you, isn't necessarily a win for them.

I mean, you could easily find sex on Grindr, but that wouldn't help you would it? It's sorta similar for women. A lot of them only want sex with a guy they have a crush on and they want a relationship more than they want sex. Sex with a guy they don't have a crush on? Not interesting to them.

Also, at parties you'll notice the hot women, not the rest. Bc the hot girls interest you. Less attractive girls have way fewer options.

mikayrodr · 2022-12-27T07:26:14+00:00

I’m a woman and my first date was at 24.

_greyfeathers · 2022-12-27T14:47:35+00:00

You're not entitled to find somebody.

I haven't found someone yet & I'm mid twenties and I don't hate the guys that don't like me, I just assume I'm not their type.

ribbons_in_my_hair · 2022-12-27T14:20:18+00:00

First off, I’m proud of you for facing this and admitting it. It’s a lot more than loads of other people are ever willing to do.

Now.

Trigger warning: vicious sarcasm that is intended to be insightful but also incredibly annoying in an attempt to spark interest and internal dialogue but

OMG IM SO TIRED OF MEN LIKE

I have done everything to get married! I’ve been hitting the gym 3 times a week and moved and changing my whole wardrobe and downloading all the apps and even considering a BBL but

At this point I would be happy with just a moderately wealthy man, I don’t even care about anything else.

Ok. So. Some questions:

How tf you think it feels to know that you are only as valuable as your appearance that will absolutely fade? As gaming women might just want to lock down a rich guy?

As a woman, how tf you think people are gonna try to date the man that very clearly has a role for them in mind as: sex object that is nice to me?

It’s just all too transactional. But don’t worry. It sounds like you are going to be a pretty wealthy man. And when that happens I’m sure the gold digger women will be interested in you so if that’s all you really truly want is just s babe then keep going.

But… you might seriously need to work on your attitude if you want any sort of deep, meaningful, not transactional (they give you their babe body and you give them money) relationship.

Please get off the Internet porn. Just hear me out. Go and check out nofap. Listen it’s dumb there are not super powers, but I promise you that there is something very real to this. Maybe it helps you to get out of a vicious dopamine cycle (check out Huberman Lab podcast), maybe it helps your brain stop seeing women only as sexy object toys for you to have, maybe it helps you not need women’s validation at all, I don’t know what it is but try this if you haven’t yet.

And also, BIG one here, remember:

Women don’t owe you sex of love or partnership. You can do all the things, get all the best jobs and apps and apartments and etc. but do that stuff for you. Because love is at its core, not transactional.

So go out and have some damn fun. And don’t let sex be your only fun. “Addiction is the gradual narrowing of what brings you pleasure, happiness is the gradual broadening of things that bring you pleasure.”

It’s just s hunch that the porn stuff might be s but if an addiction — not at all to the insane degree drugs and alcohol can take it, but I promise you there’s something going on. Keep an open mind and research this. And find more and more things that bring you joy.

Because one thing is for god damn sure: women want to fuck, marry, spoil a kind, loving, happy man. If you are walking around with the huge angry chip on your shoulder, I can’t think of anything more of a turn off.

So get out there and have some fun AWAY from the computer. You’ll probably end up with some new cool hobbies. Some great Instagram fodder. And I’m sure you’ll meet people with similar interests.

And then your love story begins.

RepC · 2022-12-27T20:03:20+00:00

Dude, this has fucking consumed you. I don’t know how to help but please just focus on your mentals and see where it takes you.

Broad-Ad1033 · 2022-12-27T07:19:34+00:00

I'm a woman. 20 is so young!!! Ignore all this trash online pressuring people in to couples. Honestly be friends first, get to know if someone is good for you. Don't be afraid of women. We don't bite and we are mostly not like these insane descriptions online.. I think it's all clickbait, like dating manipulation tactics, honestly!!! Just be friendly and follow your interests. See women as human beings. We are!! You sound absolutely lovely and any girl would be lucky and happy to meet you!

Reasonable-Pea-162 · 2022-12-27T07:15:55+00:00

That is frustrating. My advice would be to stop focusing so much on getting dates etc. However you still want to self improve. Hit the gym, dress well enough, have hobbies you enjoy and interact with others. That's not to say you shouldn't ask out a girl if you're having a good conversation, but don't go hunting for it.

One thing I've noticed in the times in my life I haven't been successful with women- it seems to be a pattern that keeps up until something changes. I came to the realization the pattern is likely how I'm coming across- trying too hard, somewhat desperate in some cases. Etc. If you are mad and getting desperate to get somewhere, you won't be in the right state of mind. I believe it is a subconscious thing. When I'm getting laid or have a girlfriend, it seems easier to "click" with women and I notice more signs of interest. Likely because I'm laid back, letting my sense of humour show, and not all serious became I'm in my head about it.

It could also be you are very shy and despite going to all these places, aren't chatting the women up enough. Don't be afraid of rejection, just be polite, respectful, and light hearted about it. But you have to put yourself out there.

So in short I would say try and get out of your head about it. Enjoy life, it may make a difference. Stop reading online videos and forums too.

If you feel extremely sexually frustrated, I personally wouldn't judge you for visiting an escort.

Significant-Dog-4362 · 2022-12-27T17:41:28+00:00

I've tried everything in the past year to change my state of celibacy. I transferred schools, started hitting the gym 3x a week, got into new hobbies like dancing and rock climbing, got my own apartment, started going out to parties and social events every weekend, and consistently used all the big dating apps (Tinder, Bumble, Hinge) Except…..THERAPY!!!

ShelterImpossible370 · 2022-12-27T20:16:32+00:00

1.Look for patterns, observe how others interact. If you have friends who do great at dating, observe what behaviours they have, compared to people who have less success.

2.Don't rely so heavily on your 'value' - if you look at people around you, you'll notice that there are lots of exception to the rule (guys you'd call low value, that are in great relationships, and guys you'd call very high value who can't find anyone - there are many of both).

3.I think the most important one - get better at talking with people. It is a much more complex art than most people think. Knowing how to reply to what, how to convey subtle messages, how to make someone feel better, and how to push people's buttons in general to make a better impression. Best thing about this, it is useful not just in dating, but basically in every part of life. Soft skills and charisma are the keys to all the treasures this world holds. And are much rarer than most people would assume.

4.Raise your bar. Below a certain point lowering it only hurts your chances. Being too available is definitely not hot.

brightflower3113 · 2022-12-29T02:51:48+00:00

Saying that women enroll in brain-dead majors is enough to disgust me and dissuade me from interacting with you. You are an unfortunate dichotomy. A superiority and inferiority complex swathed into one person. You can challenge these beliefs by seeing yourself accurately. Your post disguises itself behind a facade of criticizing supposed double standards in dating, yet you cannot hold yourself accountable for biased perspectives. You see dating as easier for women, but you do not realize how dehumanizing this post is. You not only demean women for their interests, but you also see yourself as superior to them. You imply that a woman must want to be with you because you are an engineer at a top university and believe they are less than you for not doing the same. People are more than what they offer. Women are more than what they offer you. If you see women as people, then they will see you as one too.

Sufficient_Video_191 · 2022-12-29T15:14:12+00:00

I find that alot of men in the manosphere talk about dating as if it’s some unjust system that is run by women. Apparently the dating world is where these men feel the most ‘oppressed’.

In truth there is no fairness in dating, it’s healthier to stop looking for fairness and equality in the dating world. Having a partner, a long term relationship, children etc. are not things that everyone is entitled and guaranteed to have.

That’s because everyone has their own preferences and you are not entitled to anyone’s time and attention.

Men also have preferences for women that are so unfair that it’s completely out of her control for her to change (such as aging - men in their 30s have a lot more options than women in their 30s). It’s not just the women who are making these ‘unfair’ standards.

It’s easy to feel resentful, harder to let go of it. Aside from working in the gym you should work on how you think about women, because your views are leaning towards bigotry.

Anyway you are only 20, you have plenty of time to find a partner. I’ve heard from other men that your chances increase after 25. There’s hope for you, that is, if you start seeing women as people with insecurities, dreams, fears, ideas, ambitions etc. as you do.

Bucephalus-ii · 2022-12-27T23:46:57+00:00

Nothing you said was wrong, but merely overly pessimistic.

Trust me, it’ll be fine, man. I was one of the more attractive men on a football team in high school, but I grew up a nerd, so I never knew girls even liked me until years later. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 23 when I finally got a serious girlfriend. Prior to that, I was a lot like you, I imagine. I won’t say I was angry at women in general, but certainly some women. Because I was self conscious, I put women off by coming on too strong, or too weak.

The ultimate think is confidence, and there’s no faking that. If I can give any advice, I’d say just forget about women, and focus on enjoying your life. All kinds of people are attracted to a vibrant and happy person. Work out, sure, but do it for yourself. Pick up the hobbies you are genuinely interested in. In short, become the sort of person you’d be attracted to

Stargazer1919 · 2022-12-28T15:28:58+00:00

Meanwhile, all I fucking care about at this point is just someone to be decent looking. I honestly have no fucking idea what else I would care for.

Lots of women your age think the same way. Nobody in your age group has any life experience so all they know is who they think is hot or not. As people get older, they learn to value things that are more important than looks.

You're honestly going to shit all over women your age for having the same standards as yourself?

AssistTemporary8422 · 2022-12-28T06:27:23+00:00

How are your social skills? Do you have a good social circle with both men and women? Do you make friends easily?

SShadyMadeMe · 2022-12-30T01:30:33+00:00

Firstly, I say this for your own benefit with as much respect as possible, your blatant neediness is your biggest problem. Do some inner work to figure out why you NEED a woman so bad and work on it. Neediness is the most unnattractive trait hands down and women will notice it instantly even if you did get a date.

Secondly, bro you're jealous of chicks now? Come on. Men and women live different lives. You're not a woman you're a man so don't compare yourself to them. Obviously most women have much greater sexual access, they're the ones that get pregnant for 9 months and give birth to a kid to deal with, across all species the females are naturally highly selective of their mates to ensure their reproductive process occurs with a man who competent so is able to provide for them and their offspring and keep them safe and produce offspring with advantageous traits. Even if they just want a hookup this selective survival instinct is still going to be at play to an extent. Men don't run the risk of getting pregnant nor do we need a woman to tick a very long list of requirements to ensure our safety and survival or strong offspring, we could just get a billion girls pregnant and go about our day as usual, which is what most of our hormones want us to do, especially at your young age as we're most fertile/hormone-driven.

Just remember that you're a very young man and both you and the athletic, millionare, educated 32 year old are both competing for the same women, who have their free pick of either of you. You might see it as unfair they don't have to achieve to be desirable like we do, but I hope the paragraph above explains why this is simply nature and you need to accept it. They're the ones that reproduce not us. Imagine a species where women were just as non-picky and sex-driven as men? Natural selection would collapse and they would slowly die off. You have so much time to become a desirable man, men age like fine wine as long as you keep putting in the work. Stop complaining, figure out why you feel the need to complain, work hard and stay patient.

fosho_away · 2023-01-02T17:49:11+00:00

“Waahh!! I have to have a career I like that pays the bills, be fit and healthy, and have fun hobbies!”

Like, what’s the problem…? I’d assume you’d want to shoot for those goals for your own benefit

Title	I (20M) can't stop thinking of women in a negative light
Author	Puzzleheaded_Emu7511
Upvotes	2
Comments	136
Date	December 27, 2022 6:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/zw9c3c/i_20m_cant_stop_thinking_of_women_in_a_negative/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/i-20m-cant-stop-thinking-of-women-in-a-negative.1145632 https://theredarchive.com/post/1145632

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