Do you really "choose" who you date?

Arcaribus · 2023-01-07T12:59:46+00:00

That kind of thinking is what's the problem with a lot of men literally fucking it up for everyone else.

No. If you find someone you can get, and their personality repulses you, by not turning away, you basically say "it's an acceptable behaviour and should not change." Which pretty much gives them the idea that it's a good thing.

Then they become more and more toxic as time goes on and men after you have to deal with that bullshit, until one day it becomes so bad, nobody will even look at her direction. The more women you enable it with, the more others have to tolerate.

And unfortunately a lot of men are way too desperate so they enable it left and right.

And it's fucking addictive too. After a while it becomes incredibly difficult to stop and you start enabling even more toxic behaviour.

That's why I preach my "fix your mental health first before you chase others" mantra.

I did just that and my desperation completely dissipated. Now I have far better reactions from women I interact with as well. There's literally no good reason to do what you're thinking about.

iostefini · 2023-01-07T14:01:25+00:00

You select from whatever options you have ... to an extent. But you can also select "none of these options meet my standards so I won't be happy with them", and you can select "I need to meet better people", and you can select "I won't put up with being treated badly".

If your only options are not attractive or you're thinking "I can only get trash" then maybe you're better off not dating until better options are available. Maybe you need to work out how to connect with people you'd like better.

DMD12345 · 2023-01-07T13:01:10+00:00

Partially true, of course if you’re a regular, everyday man working a regular, everyday job it’s extremely unlikely you’d be able to date a supermodel like Emily Ratijowski (not sure if I spelled her name right). But that doesn’t mean you can’t have options with women that you actually find attractive, as long as you’re decently dressed and in good shape, present yourself well, have things going for you in life, and have decent social/flirting skills you should be able to get women you actually desire. Most guys don’t put in the work so they’re stuck with what they can get.

If you’re a fat slob with an unkempt beard that sits around playing video games all day with greasy hair and stains on your clothes and yellow teeth, then don’t expect attractive women to give you the time of day.

Xx_SwordWords_xX · 2023-01-07T15:59:59+00:00

What about friendships? Do you just "choose" whoever you want to be friends with, or do you need a mutual connection to spark friendship?

Being in a relationship isn't like shopping for a new possession or toy; it takes TWO people, who both mutually have feelings for eachother.

mikey_weasel · 2023-01-07T13:09:13+00:00

In a way you are right, you definitely don't have all the choices int he world. The pool of people you can potentially date is not 4 billion women (or 8 billion people if you are bisexual).

But you absolutely have choices you can make. You can choose who to approach, when and how. You can make choices in your life to expose you to new people who you might then choose to date. You can choose to make choices that ultimately make you more attractive to the type of people you want to date. You can choose to not pursue someone if they seem to be horrible.

Unless you are in some convoluted the Bachelor movie style contrivance you are not in a position where you have to take whomever you can get right now in your current environment and circumstances

thrifteddivacup · 2023-01-07T14:20:22+00:00

Every day we make choices. While I understand where you're coming from, I think a way to look at it is we can choose what we want to do everyday with similar limitations. We may want to go to the moon or want to choose to go to Hawaii at the drop of a hat and not be able to...that doesn't erase all the other choices we can make.

What's more important is choosing what kind of person you're going to be, how you're going to treat others, and how you're going to take care of yourself. What you're describing is "settling for someone" and I would be heartbroken to know if someone did that to me, and I'm sure it wouldn't make you feel great either.

AlbatrossAdept6681 · 2023-01-07T18:35:55+00:00

There is a saying in my language "meglio soli che male accompagnati", it means "better alone that with someone with whom you are not ok". If there are not choices good for you there is the option to stay alone.

Mean_Mechanic9889 · 2023-01-08T10:00:17+00:00

Dark attitude. Is there anything you don't have to choose from what's available?

People aren't things though, you may not find a perfect one, but after time and beginning to love them. They become perfect to you.

Literally you love their faults.

I hope you cheer up dude. People who look like they have perfect scenarios, tend to be the unhappiest, because it's for show. They've gone for how their partner looks to world vs someone they could love.

LCBrianC · 2023-01-07T15:46:51+00:00

Imperfect analogy, but when you go to the grocery store, do you have access to every single item on the planet? Of course not, but in what world would we say you don’t have “choice”? Of course you have choice, you just don’t have omnipotent, infinite choices.

You can choose from what’s available. You can go elsewhere and see what’s available. You can opt out of choosing altogether. You have plenty of choice.

Stargazer1919 · 2023-01-07T19:48:44+00:00

I think people complain that they don't have options because they don't want to take responsibility for themselves. It's always easier to blame someone/something else. People don't want to leave their comfort zone, basically.

Nightchanger · 2023-01-07T16:29:45+00:00

You can choose the small options of pool you get, in some cases the only option you have are a toxic person or being alone.

creamerfam5 · 2023-01-07T17:56:12+00:00

https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

BillyPilgrim75 · 2023-01-07T20:31:52+00:00

Your choices are limited by who might choose you. That's true in any mutual choice (career, specific job, college, getting a loan, etc.). The word "choice" in no way means or even implies no limitations.

PutsWomenOnPedestal · 2023-01-07T21:23:54+00:00

As long as they meet your requirements. No need to settle.

RapQueen416 · 2023-01-08T01:14:02+00:00

In that sense, we don't choose our friends or any other person in our lives. People aren't commodities you buy at a store where you can choose your ideal product with the exact specs you want.

SweelFor- · 2023-01-08T09:48:58+00:00

As opposed to what?

No one gets presented 8 billion people and choose one of them.

What exactly is the alternative to the scenario you presented?

Naus1987 · 2023-01-08T11:58:45+00:00

Selecting from what options you have is still a choice.

It's like if I go to the store and there's a bunch of selections for t-shirts. There's probably not going to be a shirt with a photo of Darth Vader on it, but I'll sure be able to choose between if I want a black shirt or a white shirt. And heck, maybe I'll be lucky and there will be some colors!

Of course, if I really, really wanted a shirt wiht Darth Vader on it, I could exert more effort and probably find one online or craft one myself.

--------

I think it's important to recognize what options you easily available. And which ones are more challenging. It's why I say being an extrovert and initiating is always best.

If you just settle for whatever your local store has, you'd never get a bad ass Darth Vader shirt, but if you go out of your way and invest in a little effort, you typically get better results.

Title	Do you really "choose" who you date?
Author	pornsicc
Upvotes	4
Comments	54
Date	January 7, 2023 12:44 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/105o7sr/do_you_really_choose_who_you_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/do-you-really-choose-who-you-date.1146653 https://theredarchive.com/post/1146653

Comments