Hey r/exredpill, question; How do I tell my girlfriend that she sucks at being a girlfriend?

waffleznstuff30 · 2023-02-17T17:14:47+00:00

Okay. A lot to unpack here.

First. Probably shouldn't say "you suck as a partner" anyone hearing that would be upset and it's kind of a mean way to go about it.

But tell her things like you are exhausted, you are mentally frustrated you need help doing these things and by her not helping it's hurting the relationship because you feel so burnt out. Does she work? If she works and has a hard time cleaning and maintaining maybe it's something you both should tackle together. Communicate what she needs to do to make you feel better. Maybe a need of yours isn't getting met. And make her aware of it. Maybe she doesn't know she is upsetting you or making you feel a type of way.

It shouldn't be an expectation that she cooks and cleans. It should be an equal task..

If she doesn't feel like urgency or doesn't change it may be time to call it quits because she isn't a match for you.

sunny_side_egg · 2023-02-17T18:10:19+00:00

If you have reached this point just dump her and move on.

Trying to tell someone what isn't working is a conversation to have if/when you think a relationship is salvagable. That conversation goes "hey, when you do x, it makes me feel y, please do z instead"

If you think your partner all around sucks, having that conversation is a giant waste of both of your time. Either she doesn't care and you'll feel bad, or you'll get entangled in a long conversation where she tries promising to fix things and probably cries and you keep explaining why it's not good enough until one or both of you are exhausted, or she'll try to defend herself against what she'll see as an insulting characterisation of her and you'll argue till one of you ragequits. Nothing good ever comes of that conversation.

Save yourself the trouble. Just tell her it's over and if she lives in your house give her reasonable notice to leave.

If you really must make an itemized list of however many years of disagreements just write it and burn it.

TaxNegative161 · 2023-02-17T16:53:08+00:00

Hey buddy? A good partner would have talked with her ages ago about an inequality in the relationship, not let resentment build then ask reddit. You are not a good partner, so have some humility when you talk to her. If you ever find your self respect.

TheDrWinston · 2023-02-17T18:53:42+00:00

You suck at communication or your girlfriend sucks. If you don't like her, leave her.

I don't understand why this is such a difficult thing to think on.

When people treat me with 0 respect, I cut them out of my life. It's not that deep.

xvszero · 2023-02-17T20:33:18+00:00

Well, you break up. That's usually a sign.

SweelFor- · 2023-02-17T17:41:19+00:00

and that being single might be better for her?

Are you asking how to "let someone know" that they should be single? I think you know how

luvem_aa · 2023-02-17T18:05:30+00:00

If she sucks at everything why are u still with her then?

thrownawaytodaysr · 2023-02-17T19:10:23+00:00

What, to your mind, constitutes being a good girlfriend (or being good at being a girlfriend)?

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-02-18T04:06:14+00:00

If she sucks at being a girlfriend why are you still with her? People don't really change that much.

iostefini · 2023-02-18T06:42:32+00:00

It sounds like you don't even like her as a person. Like, your description of her is that she will never love you like you love her, she sucks, being single would be better for her, she does nothing, she doesn't have basic decency or morals, and she isn't interested in changing or helping you with anything.

To me, it sounds like it's time to break up with her. It may have been time a long time ago.

Telling her she sucks and you want her to be different isn't going to work - she doesn't want to be different. If you want a different girlfriend, don't date this one.

mynameisburner · 2023-02-17T17:20:16+00:00

Do y’all live together? No? Then dip. Walk away. Bounce.

Academic_Type624 · 2023-02-17T17:55:58+00:00

You're saying you want to say to her you might be better off single. I'm getting the sense you want her to end the relationship so you don't have to. If you're unhappy, why do you have to get her to end it? Are you conflict avoidant in general?

Also I want to point out a relationship is a partnership not a competition. Its supposed to be the two of you versus the problem, so you may want to check your mindset.

Apprehensive_Mood_76 · 2023-02-17T22:34:24+00:00

All the closeted red pill ragers popping out today. 🍵

fathergoose77 · 2023-02-17T18:24:30+00:00

Have you asked her for help kindly and mentioned you would appreciate it because you’re tired/busy/xyz?

If so, what did she say?

People aren’t mind readers. She probably doesn’t know you feel this way. And if you’re communicated that and she still doesn’t care then why not break up with her?

People all have different expectations in relationships because we were all raised differently and have had different experiences. Maybe she doesn’t know you want help cooking and cleaning in YOUR home because it’s YOUR home, not hers. Does she do the cooking and cleaning in her home? Does she contribute in other ways? Does she work all day? We need more info. The post is too vague and just makes it sounds like you expect her to cook and clean more because she’s a women. Please elaborate.

Medium-Turnover-5022 · 2023-02-17T21:44:06+00:00

Dude...kick her to the curb and get a GOOD ONE

Enough_Chemistry3258 · 2023-02-17T18:39:45+00:00

Im so sorry for the stupid comments. Just talk to her and give her an ultimatum. Hold her to it as well.

SeaworthinessLoose39 · 2023-02-17T19:58:08+00:00

I feel you on this. If I was in this situation, after already living through it once, I would not allow there to be any confusion about being unhappy about it. Put your foot down. It wont get better. She is happy to take advantage of you and your desire to have a happy home. Fuck that . She needs to hold up her end. You WILL tell her when to do it since she cant self motivate. If she doesnt like it then this shit aint gonna work. If shes fine with that then tell her to kick rocks. Shes testing you. You have to be fine with either outcome. Very high chance of loosing the relationship.

AnnoKano · 2023-02-17T23:49:23+00:00

Let her read your reddit posts and the problem should take care of itself.

AntiVictimhood · 2023-02-18T16:06:25+00:00

Well this is the woman you chose to be with. If you no longer want to be with her and she's as terrible as you say, unchoose that choice.

Also, I'd encourage you to evaluate your motives. You say you "run laps around her", but by the sounds of it you only do these things in the hopes of trying to stimulate reciprocity, not because you love her and want to be good to her. Actions that are motivated by creating a desire outcome are manipulative. It's a tit for tat relationship.

Why not discuss your needs and expectations openly and see if you two align? And if you don't align, then break up. And moving forward, have open discussions like this before committing to someone. If you feel the relationship is becoming asymmetrical, talk about that early on and vocalize what kind of dynamic you want to create. Don't wait until you get to a place of resentment.

And don't tell someone they "suck" at being a partner unless you want to create animosity and an inevitable breakup. But also keep in mind, this is the woman you picked and are continuing to be with. If she's so awful in your mind, then stop choosing to be with her.

Bucephalus-ii · 2023-02-18T20:49:29+00:00

If she’s an adult, she can hear criticism. In a healthy relationship, you should feel free to ask for what you need. I’d change your wording to be more compassionate, however.

Also, there are lots of styles of relationship that are not equal in all categories yet are still perfectly valid. But she needs to be making up for her shortcomings in some way that is satisfactory to you. Keep in mind though, compromise on your part should be expected as well.

vcreativ · 2023-02-19T17:23:49+00:00

I am of the school that people don't change on short timescales. Especially when presented with a stable situation - which is what you've done so far.

The way you describe this relationship, it's basically you serving her. And you having accepted that for a good while. If you want to stay in that situation, stay. If you want to get out, get out. But I wouldn't expect her to change on your account.

As it is, she either doesn't at all pick up on how you feel (low empathy - a pain in so many ways), or the apparently outrageous imbalance in responsibility taken, or she just doesn't care outright.

Feel free to mention that this is impractical for you. And have some things ready for to mention to her for picking up - think about this beforehand. See if this changes anything significant over the next four weeks. Then if it doesn't, just break up.

Personally, I'd just break up - because what people do without being prompted is the most significant show of character you'll find. And she's doing terribly in that regard.

Title	Hey r/exredpill, question; How do I tell my girlfriend that she sucks at being a girlfriend?
Author	Weird-Nectarine8102
Upvotes	4
Comments	65
Date	February 17, 2023 4:48 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/114rg80/hey_rexredpill_question_how_do_i_tell_my/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/hey-rexredpill-question-how-do-i-tell-my.1152320 https://theredarchive.com/post/1152320

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