Fathers, if you got equal custody, what factors helped you the most ?

mccmmm · 2023-02-26T13:12:45+00:00

Proving you are a fully capable parent as much as the mother. PA has a list of factors a judge must follow to make a ruling. I read through a bunch of case text to see what the trials would be like and how the judges ruled. My hill was always 50/50 and would spend every last nickle I had to get it. In the end I was right that I’m just as if not more of a capable parent then my ex. The only time I every questioned giving up was when she brought them to court as witnesses. I couldn’t imagine being a child being put in that situation. I made her fully aware it was her decision and I was against it. They testified in my favor but I still hated she put them in that situation. They are 10 and 11 it killed me.

JD-Anderson · 2023-02-25T15:31:20+00:00

Do not settle until you get what you want or the judge takes it from you. Make peace with the fact that money and time will be lost right now, but you can make that up later.

47omek · 2023-02-25T15:08:09+00:00

Being a more-than-equal parent before the divorce happened. I knew right about the time our second child was born that our marriage was done - but I didn't go off half-cocked and file right then. I kept my mouth shut and gray-rocked for 4 long years until I felt the youngest was old enough to handle time apart from each parent. During that 4 years I was Superdad - and I kept a daily journal in emails to myself that documented all the things I did with the children - playdates, school/daycare pickups/dropoffs, doctor/dentist visits, parent/teacher conferences etc including photos of me with the children at those activities for verification. I knew there were third parties that could verify I was doing all these things if called upon. I went into mediation after I filed for divorce with all of these things in my back pocket which gave me the confidence to make 50/50 parenting my bottom line. Two hours into mediation the ex with her "golden uterus" mindset still hadn't budged off EOW for me so my attorney and I started packing up to leave, and the ex magically came to her senses when facing the prospect of a stranger in robes deciding custody. From that point it was just a negotiation of how much money it was going to take to buy 50/50 custody and I think you'll find that alot of women just want primary to get the extra child support. In my case we split the difference between what 50/50 CS and me having EOW CS would have been and that along with a 53/47 asset split in her favor was enough. The extra CS stung a little at the time but subsequent big raises at work and recent inflation have made it much less of an issue. And she cant' go back for a CS recalc based on my raises because then we'd be looking at the 50/50 parenting time numbers and my CS would go down, not up. So - that's what worked in my case anyhow...

1Cobbler · 2023-02-25T11:21:08+00:00

My ex wife is a narcissist so she didn't want them more than half the time anyway.

ABBucsfan · 2023-02-25T08:06:20+00:00

It's very telling and sad going through others comments. The common denominator from those of us that managed other than being an uphill.battle and a drawn out one is that it's going to cost you lots of money.... I get the sense of you don't have the finances for a drawn out battle you're basically screwed... something that really should be a default

Spodee5 · 2023-02-25T05:15:04+00:00

Excellent attorney who also served as a pro tem commissioner in the family law courts, thats right a sub judge.

The fact that I was involved in my sons lives a lot helped a ton. I was their primary caretaker while my ex wife was working 4+ days a week. I work TH, FRI, SAT nights 12 hrs a week. I took care of my two sons Sunday through Thursday while my ex worked. Ultimately any attestation she had against me that included schedule my lawyer used in our favor.

Ultimately time, money, and attrition. 11 months, 3 weeks. Nearly a dozen motions filed against me. A court ordered parenting evaluation (if you have one of these just say you're the primary parent), failed mediation with attorney's present per our court schedule. Trial prep..... Ultimately too I'm squeaky clean any and all false allegations the judge saw right through. The judge didn't like that there were new false allegations without any evidence with each motion. I sacrificed a lot too.

My ex's not coming home to the kids, then withholding the kids in an unknown location, her forcing the kids to sleep with her those things didn't help her either.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-24T23:31:32+00:00

#1 reason I got 50% parenting time: Mindset. I made it my hill to die on. You tell me my kid is trapped on the other side of a wall, and you're gonna need a mob to keep me from clawing my way through it. Like that parent in the Uvalde shooting that told the cops, "You can shoot me in the back if you want, officer, but I’m going in to save my kid from the active shooter with or without you!"

You have three choices: Fight, flight or freeze. Commit to one of them and go the distance.

The most liberating day of your life is when you realize that no one is coming to save you.

jimsmythee · 2023-02-24T21:45:45+00:00

I was able to get 50/50 custody. I had a few factors in this that helped out.

#1. Arizona is an Equal parent state.

#2. My now exwife had a recent conviction for "DUI with kids in the car" and she had jail time.

#3. She had no valid driver's license and no car.

#4. She was unemployed.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-02-24T21:43:12+00:00

Make sure you have a decent residence that has enough bedrooms and bathrooms. Make sure you're able to demonstrate that your job won't interfere with pick ups/drop offs, going to and from school, etc.

Demonstrate involvement in your children's lives.

ABBucsfan · 2023-02-24T20:52:06+00:00

Fighting for 2 years and paying tens of thousands the just have people in the room and do a bunch of posturing and stuff any lay person could do... Not the answer you're looking for but yeah.. it's gonna be an uphill battle. For some reason they like to watch the world burn and hope you give up.

And yeah in Canada the courts basically want to make sure you exhaust all other options first and then they'll give you a date in a year. I was told if it even gets there they don't like to make major changes, just gradual ones from status quo

Title	Fathers, if you got equal custody, what factors helped you the most ?
Author	mattehorn33
Upvotes	10
Comments	29
Date	February 24, 2023 8:41 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/11b1hd3/fathers_if_you_got_equal_custody_what_factors/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/fathers-if-you-got-equal-custody-what-factors.1153458 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153458

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