As a father, What things you can include in final MSA to reduce future conflict with STBXW?

GoofBallz913 · 2023-04-05T17:54:04+00:00

I would suggest "right of first refusal." That is, if the parent responsible at a given time needs to find childcare, they must first offer the other parent that time with the child. In my case, I fear she may try to move away with our kid, so having record of times she needed me to cover for her will be great evidence of why the kid needs to stay near me. Without this, the ex could find a sitter (family or otherwise) without telling or offering me the extra time.

93tabitha93 · 2023-04-05T17:28:29+00:00

I’m in VA but need to follow up on responses to this.

jimmyjames2003 · 2023-04-05T19:28:46+00:00

I have language in mind that requires us to use the our family wizard app. We use it for all of our communications and exchanges of money, and it leaves a paper trail of everything about when you check your messages what the message was, and supposedly it’s admissible in court. Our agreement says that only in case of emergency are we supposed to call or text, that everything has to be on that app. And I find that very helpful in limiting contact with a high conflict person.

enigmaroboto · 2023-04-05T21:01:51+00:00

"all" communication should be sent using the OurFamilyWizard app.

Use google calendar to make a schedule for all events. Send them to ex in advance. Will make summers, spring, and winter break much easier.

Record all conversations between you and ex.

save to pdf all conversations that are electronic.

It is their responsibility to keep up with school communications and events.

schedule separate parent teacher conferences.

They are responsible for clothes, etc. when then child is at their house.

Keep a record of every hour the kids are with you and all related expenses.

Spodee5 · 2023-04-05T21:04:11+00:00

Our Family Wizard

Handoffs as much as possible around drop off and pickup from daycare/school. For instance my parenting time starts on Mondays at return to school.

We have language regarding dispute resolution and what’s involved and steps to be followed and we both agreed to it….writing….mediation….arbitration….motion……still been to mediation 2 times, arbitration once and a motion once in 5 years post divorce but my ex has unlimited legal funds from her mother and they would love to steamroll me (file motions until I am bankrupt from legal fesss) they filed a dozen motions through our 11 month 3 week divorce.

We have every 3 day weekend, holiday……all of it mapped out in the parenting plan…..everything…

Communicate only in writing. Never enter her home. Keep the hell away from her in public like at little league etc…my ex uses these events to make scenes and further litigation

We broadened our area of travel to include four states where we don’t have to notify thee other or get permission and this really lessens arguments. From a legal standpoint the pp in my state only has to require one state but doesn’t exclude thee inclusion of others.

We wrote in joint decision making, joint legal and joint physical custody. It’s equal….that may cause some conflict but will ultimately benefit the children. My ex will literally threaten contempt with a lawyer if I say take the kids to the dentist or pediatrician without this language…she wants control…so legally made her an equal.

If I think of more I’ll post more later.

minilabthrow · 2023-04-05T18:23:40+00:00

First of all, my condolences. Nj is horrible for divorce, CS can go to age 23 if they are college students.

have your msa reference gac v gac and black v black. The black case can help you down the road in case of parental alienation.

traderjoesbeforehoes · 2023-04-05T23:33:02+00:00

ROFR will just give her another reason to be a pain in your ass. And do you really care if she wants to get a babysitter to go out on her nights? I dont. I also know she will never tell me if she is leaving my kids with her brother or getting a babysitter for >4 hours so whats the point. And if she does, wth are you going to do the courts (especially in this shithole of nj) they wont care.

Anonymous_By_Choice_ · 2023-04-06T02:27:40+00:00

If another person wants conflict, they’ll find a way to create it. They’ll violate terms they agreed to and then in order to enforce those terms, you’ll have to get attorneys and the court involved again. It’s a vicious cycle. Stay cool, choose your words carefully, and let your values guide you.

Data_Fan · 2023-04-06T11:42:24+00:00

Eliminate reimbursements of any kind. It inevitably perpetuates the he owes/she owes conflicts.....

Feinixaway · 2023-04-06T00:36:44+00:00

You should include as much detail as possible. Everything. The more you include now the less arguments you will have.

Do not leave anything to chance. Think like the contract you sign to get a credit card.

I'm having a lot of issues now because the transition times are not defined.

My ex wants me to pick up my son at noon, I want to pick him up after work so I don't have to ask for a day off.

She decided that Xmas vacation starts the following day after the last day of school at 10 am, instead of the moment my son is sent home from school.

You should become familiar with what the school calendar looks like. It seems now that they have soo many days off (PD days, etc).

Define when a weekend starts and when it ends. Same with all the holidays.

Also include that if parenting time is not followed, you have the right to call the police or something to that effect.

Do some research about parallel parenting. My ex is very high conflict, the less we communicate, the best for my son.

QuietVisitor · 2023-04-06T01:53:51+00:00

Agree with most of the other comments.

Will add from personal experience, if you have pets, DO NOT under any circumstances share custody.

Did that with my dog mostly because my ex thought it would be good for the kids (he goes where they go). And in the haze of the divorce, I stupidly agreed.

Problem one is the ex never did, and currently doesn’t, give the dog what he needs, so his years of training are pretty much ruined. She just thought he was magically a good boy.

Problem two is that now my kids are at college, yet I still have to transfer the dog every other week. A hassle that perpetuates contact with the ex.

Issue three… when the kids hit their teen years they generally have so many other things going on, a pet is really not a priority for them.

Think through a pet sharing situation very carefully. It’s probably not worth it in the long run. It’s just another detail to consider.

Title	As a father, What things you can include in final MSA to reduce future conflict with STBXW?
Author	mattehorn33
Upvotes	19
Comments	25
Date	April 5, 2023 5:15 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/12cr9m1/as_a_father_what_things_you_can_include_in_final/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/as-a-father-what-things-you-can-include-in-final.1213009 https://theredarchive.com/post/1213009

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