Divorced for a month, moms new bf is already moved in, trying to replace me.

NohoTwoPointOh · 2020-10-08T12:03:35+00:00

Do you have a court order? Your weekend is your weekend.

playerknowmore · 2020-10-08T15:45:46+00:00

Man if she isn't willing to commit to the same concession the answer is definitely no. Speak to her about equal distribution of time, or you can do it in court. She is allowed to trade time, but not trade you.

Guy you are at a crossroads; either you can be Dad or financially responsible dad. Don't be the wallet! Odds are you are only getting weekends only; why would you give one of your days to her and her boyfriend? Next time your child asks if they can have one of your days tell the to tell their mother that you are willing to trade her for movie night.

You have to put her on notice that when it comes to your children you are willing to negotiate; only with her, and you refuse to be replaced. Her boyfriend already gets more time with your children; so as you try continue your bond with your children do not infringe on that. Good luck; your marriage might have not been worth fighting for, but this is. I mean going back to court worth fighting.

Adorable_FecalSpray · 2020-10-08T18:50:45+00:00

Tell him no and it is because I as your Dad LOVE spending time with you and also I had planned a special even / adventure with you during that time.

I am almost always planning special adventures, nothing too complex or expensive, but where the focus is solely on the kids. And I repeatedly tell them I want to spend as much time with you as I can because soon you will be grown and out on your own and the time we have now together is really special and I want to make great memories with you.

2020-10-08T13:45:18+00:00

You HAVE to protect your time and draw that line in the sand. If you don't she will slowly erode your time and relationship with your kids. Tell him no and that it's because you want to do something with him, and then do something equally fun with him. He won't even remember you saying no after the fact.

oneknocka · 2020-10-08T16:28:59+00:00

You tell him No! That is messed up to have her do that. You have to nip that in the bud. If not, they will constantly violate you. Your sons may be a little hurt, upset, but if you are an engaged and supportive father they may not even remember it.

NO_PRND · 2020-10-08T14:20:09+00:00

Damn dude. My ex pulled the same kind of st. Wiithin 2 weeks of me moving out he was in. When I met him I simply told him one thing. I don't care about your relationship with her, don't you ever put a f***g hand on my kid.

She promptly called the cops and tried to say I threatened him with one of my guns. When I told them that I'd given all my guns over to a friend that is a police officer in their department. That went out the window pretty quick.

pharmd718 · 2020-10-09T00:25:33+00:00

Tell your son no! You’re his dad, not his friend!!

CerebralAssazin · 2020-10-09T12:56:39+00:00

I had some issues with this the first year or so as well. Her family members would ask for babysitting services from my oldest during my time.

Mine were older and I explained to my oldest that I wanted my time with, but I wouldn’t stop them from going. In the end they didn’t go.

I tried to have that conversation with the ex, but it never went anywhere. One of the many reasons I was unhappy, she couldn’t muster the backbone to stand up to her family when they shat on me.

TravellingDivorcee · 2020-10-08T12:16:36+00:00

Your ex-wife is a fcuking whore....you are well out of it mate.

But its really tough having the kids seemingly being manipulated by the ex into thinking this new dude is their "New" dad....he isnt.

You are the father, its arranged that he's with you this weekend....hows about YOU take him to a sports bar to watch the game.

Stand your ground on this one.

You ex-wife is a fcuking whore...did i mention that before?

jjeeddyy · 2020-10-08T11:44:09+00:00

Sorry dude, it sucks. Happening to me too. My ex wife's boyfriend was her affair partner and they brought the kids into it within a week of her leaving and now a year later they bought a house together. It is rough but I have done everything I can to connect on an emotional level with my kids and I can tell you that our relationship is the rock in thier life and I can already see the fruits of it. Mom is chaos and wrapped up in a narcissistic douche bag while Dad genuinely cares and feeds in to them. It is a long, exhausting road but keep pushing the kids desperately need it. My advice is to not stop them from special events with mom and Mr wonderful, it will just give them the opportunity to make the kids resentful towards you. You don't know this woman, interaction between you should be like a Buisness transaction without emotion. Hope this helps in some way.... it certainly sucks.

notreallybeingme · 2020-10-08T11:53:58+00:00

Yeah it happens and it sucks. But on the positive side you won’t be strung along. You get to deal with the hard shit now and will heal sooner

Good luck! Stay strong

Trytosurvive · 2020-10-08T12:07:33+00:00

This is a fine line- do you have a parenting agreement and do you get on with your exe? If you get on with exe exchange a day and be flexible but document everything- if this is a pattern you must set boundaries and deny these sorts of requests- explain to son that its wrong for mum to plan events on your days- you could compromise with son and watch a game with them at the sports bar... If your exe is the main carer and no co-signed parenting plan and exe is intentionally trying to alienate you from your kids i would see a family lawyer straight away- if your seeing your kids less and less and you leave it too long it may impact your ability get legal recourse if exe decides to shut you out altogether - I would also try to build a strong bond between you and your sons - early days when my exe tried to shut me out of daughters life and lawyer said only option was to take it to court but may take some months to get a hearing date and cost more than I had - I rang daughter each night, never bad mouthed her mum (exe was constantly telling our daughter what an awful person i was) and just provided a safe, loving, stable environment when daughter was with me - soon daughter (at the age of 7) started to fight with mum wanting to see me more - exe was forced to communicate with me and I just remained neutral and got to see daughter more - its hard mate as I remember before being divorced a neighbours kid yelling and crying each time dad went to pick his son up - the poor bugger, the exe had turned the kid against him... I was depressed and suicidal early days when exe left me but you must not let your kids see you crumble - save the breakdowns when the kids are not around...main point document everything and see a lawyer

Jigglytep · 2020-10-08T13:22:38+00:00

Talk to your ex, it might be your son inviting you and she doesn’t want you there.

If I’m wrong what a terrible situation to put you and your son into.

Nonamesfound · 2020-10-08T14:57:20+00:00

Tell her( not through your son obviously) to go fuck herself.

My ex tries this shit, then has the fucking audacity to be even more of a bitch when I say no.

I can have primary custody of my boys... she was/is a terrible mother.

The Judge gave her (reluctantly) every other weekend, which she fucks up all the time in various ways.

Still have the balls to call or stop by the house asking to take the kids somewhere for a few hours. At 8 or 9 pm mind you.

Then I have to say no and then she turns into super bitch again.

otoniel007 · 2020-10-08T15:52:14+00:00

Explain the best way you can to your kiddos how it makes you feel when they ask to spend their time with you with someone else. After that let them decide what to do. Your not trying to guilt trip them but at six you should be able to communicate your emotions and sentiments. Communicate how you feel to them, and let them decide things. (Within reason of course)

Title	Divorced for a month, moms new bf is already moved in, trying to replace me.
Author	reallydiditthistime
Upvotes	11
Comments	43
Date	October 8, 2020 11:12 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/j7b5o4/divorced_for_a_month_moms_new_bf_is_already_moved/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/divorced-for-a-month-moms-new-bf-is-already-moved.1194564 https://theredarchive.com/post/1194564

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