Men are told we should talk about our feelings, but when we do...

throwaway67575753 · 2022-01-07T05:25:26+00:00

It's almost romanticized to me that feelings are a thing to be discussed and being open somehow will make a situation better. Oftentimes more than not my experience has been that instead of being beneficial, people tend to use your weakness against you regardless of whether they do it intentionally or not. I'm not saying having feelings is a weakness, but expressing your insecurities to people who don't relate to you can really put you in a vulnerable position because you wouldn't have a way to defend yourself if they choose to do anything.

Even people I get along with well enough, have had moments where they use something I said against me that I told them out of confidence and it led to me eventually cutting them off because it would happen repeatedly. I usually respect what people tell me and take it to my grave, so I would expect a similar level of respect for me, and if you attack me using said things you obviously don't respect me.

I rarely if ever share anymore because at the end of the day there's no point since I feel as if the ability for people to respect others as friends has gone out of the window with the modern age.

Responsible_Wash_430 · 2022-01-07T12:23:17+00:00

Share your feelings with men you trust. Never share them with a love interest.

I’ve been married many years and any time I’ve shared things with my wife it has only come back to haunt me. For all the sensitivity women claim they want from men, nothing sends them running quite like vulnerability.

And before all the NAWALT’s flood in, I’ve experienced this with multiple women personally and seen it as a third party. Women generally do not give a damn about men they aren’t related to. They give a damn about your capacity to produce.

Admirable-Device-541 · 2022-01-07T01:50:12+00:00

[permanently deleted]

BeepBeepYeah7789 · 2022-01-07T14:18:21+00:00

"No, not THOSE feelings"

mikesteane · 2022-01-07T02:31:12+00:00

Don't show weakness to women they will despise you for it, regardless of what they might say. However, bottling things up or simply not dealing with them is unhealthy and energy draining. So discuss your feelings in a safe environment e.g. with men in a support group.

Kindly-Town · 2022-01-07T04:23:58+00:00

What are your experiences of talking honestly with others about how you feel?

This is a deceptive advise and it often comes from people who want to learn about your mysterious mind so they can plan how they want to take the relationship forward accordingly.

Rela-throway · 2022-01-07T15:54:20+00:00

The only person that will hear about my feelings is the person I pay for it - my therapist.

I’ve known my girlfriend for years and we started dating almost a year ago at this point. It was rocky at the start because I made the mistake of talking about my feelings. She did not respect me as much and we just had a lot of problems.

Since then I have just kept things between myself and my therapist. Anything that must be expressed I do so very specifically. My feelings if they are negative I turn into a strong boundary I set with her. Any positive feelings “You do X well and should continue in the future”. The result has been a woman that is becoming more and more aligned with me. Everything has been much better, in every way. She dropped the first L bomb and does it often.

She recently said to me that she doesn’t like that I don’t “emote”. I said “ you conditioned me to be this way”. She didn’t like that. Honestly I shouldn’t have said anything.

Being a man you have to accept that we are stuck in this.

tentickl · 2022-01-07T06:59:03+00:00

I talk about my feelings, my struggles, with only a few people. People i trust, but about subjects i know they Can cope.

I share with a Friend of mine my insecurities. But I know WE can't talk about faith, because he didn't experience this.

I play guitar in a band, and music makes us all feel better. We tend to not share our general insecurities because the band IS a space to forget about reality in a way.

My point is : few people, with only subjects they can cope.

TAPriceCTR · 2022-01-07T13:48:09+00:00

I pointed out that the song "surface pressure" from Encanto was masculinity in a nutshell. I expressed respect for the creators choice to make the character a woman because we she a man no one would care about the excessive expectations placed on her. Sister in law totally blew up proving my point.

RagGnarRocky · 2022-01-07T15:56:00+00:00

Approved feelings. It feels like a dirty trick to get you to "tell on yourself". Also, know your audience.

Melkor7410 · 2022-01-07T12:15:16+00:00

Don't air your dirty laundry to the public, regardless of gender. Share your feelings with close friends, and a significant other. If your close friends ridicule / cancel you, then you are with the wrong friends. If your significant other ridicules you, you are with the wrong significant other. It's a good way to make sure you only surround yourself with quality people.

drgonzo17 · 2022-01-07T15:29:05+00:00

Never discuss with women unfortunately

Kwen_Oellogg · 2022-01-07T09:35:50+00:00

When a man cries in front of a women the only thing that's getting wet is his face.

abramN · 2022-01-07T16:32:46+00:00

There's really no good reason to share your feelings with most women. Better to stay somewhat of an enigma. I've had both men and women tell me they can't really read me, and I'm thinking good, leave em wondering.

kapriece · 2022-01-07T18:33:41+00:00

I just share with the boys. The last woman I shared with would end up using it against me. I come to palaces like this and YouTube where like minded men are. Yeah the femi's criticize it but it doesn't sting like your loved ones.

Geani10 · 2022-01-07T14:45:44+00:00

I don't. Much better.

WeirdInternational46 · 2022-01-07T18:20:12+00:00

Every time I let a woman cajole me into expressing my feelings, whatever I said was thrown in my face and used against me, and brought up as criticism, every time an argument occured forever afterwards or whenever she was displeased in some way. And was sometimes told to other female friends to demean me.

One said "why do you act like a stereotype, like some macho cowboy asshole or World War II veteran? It's tooooxic!"

Could be because I spent lots of time with my grandparents and great aunt and uncle, who were World War II generation. And who had happy marriages, unlike mine. And whose wives never said anything so stupid to their husbands or to anyone else.

dcommini · 2022-01-07T18:10:59+00:00

Even when talking to my own mother about my feelings I felt her tone with me was slightly (if not outright) condescending. When the person who birthed you and raised you treats you that way it makes it hard to ever open up to anyone.

I tried talking to my ex about my feelings when I thought we had a good relationship, only for her to use that against me at a later date. When the person you've vowed to love and cherish for the rest of your life does that to you it makes it hard to ever open up to anyone.

The only ones I feel I can safely open up to are some of my best friends, my oldest brother, and my sister.

Yeah, my sister who I didn't like for a large majority of my life for reasons is the only female I feel comfortable talking to about my feelings. Why? Because every other woman I have opened up to - friends, girlfriends, family, even therapists - all seem to think of me as lesser for actually expressing my feelings, instead of acknowledging that I have feelings and then keeping them bottled up. Even therapists have told me to find a safe space or a safe person to express my feelings to; I thought that's what the therapist was for.

2022-01-07T19:47:38+00:00

simply stay away from women who talk about men opening up.. it's a trap..

Ezekias1337 · 2022-01-07T17:50:24+00:00

You should talk about your feelings, but exclusively with other men. Women will view you as weak, lose attraction for you, and just use it as fuel for your next argument

klokwerkz · 2022-01-07T14:04:43+00:00

What are your experiences of talking honestly with others about how you feel?

I used to feel the same way that I'd be criticized or ostracized. But I'm comfortable sharing and realized the boogy man under the bed doesn't exist. My experience has been nothing but positive since being open and honest.

Jepekula · 2022-01-07T23:32:09+00:00

The only reason anyone ever tells someone to “open up” and yadda yadda is because they want to use their sensitivities as weapons against the person.

throwaway67575753 · 2022-01-07T09:37:33+00:00

It really depends who you share your feelings with. Personally, I’ve had crying men on my shoulders and I comfort the shit out of them because those kings deserve love and support during hard times…. Others will not. Although women are more allowed to share their feelings in the media, how many times do we have to hear: “are you on your period?”, “stop being dramatic/emotional!”, “What a bitch”, “She has mental issues lol”. It’s really not a safe space for guys to express their feelings even when told they should, but even though we think girls and women are allowed to, we still risk the same negative comments and hatred many times. Even I still prefer to pick and choose who I talk to about my emotions.

Crushed_95 · 2022-01-07T16:22:42+00:00

This is why that Laura lady and Feminist r can continue to be freely on reddit and other apps but saying anything against them then (poof)!

GreatBayTemple · 2022-01-07T19:04:32+00:00

For example, when journalist Neil Lyndon wrote that he felt the feminist movement was harming men, boys and families,

Kind of lost me there, men lose in family. You can have feelings or a family, not both. Feminism almost gives men some agency to break away from traditional norms.

Even when it fails nothing stops you from finding friends who care about your feelings if no one else does.

Ozhubdownunder · 2022-01-07T22:29:38+00:00

They want us to openly share our feelings they approve of. When we share feelings they do not approve of, we can expect negative reactions, particularly with spouses.

Cautious-Captain883 · 2022-01-07T22:57:06+00:00

Took me a long time to learn this Valuable lesson.

Title	Men are told we should talk about our feelings, but when we do...
Author	John_Barry
Upvotes	296
Comments	94
Date	January 7, 2022 12:25 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/rxth3e/men_are_told_we_should_talk_about_our_feelings/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/men-are-told-we-should-talk-about-our-feelings-but.1211867 https://theredarchive.com/post/1211867

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