Post-separation dating

Zealousideal-Bear-37 · 2023-04-15T22:43:46+00:00

You work quick .

Alatornio · 2023-04-15T23:00:53+00:00

You must like suffering.

Plenty-Entertainer71 · 2023-04-15T23:10:32+00:00

Why so quick? Atleast enjoy your freedom

Throwaway_858493 · 2023-04-15T23:26:48+00:00

I’m a little over a year into the divorce process and am nowhere near ready for dating.

I did meet up for drinks with a friend of a friends girlfriend though. We were both going through a divorce so they thought it’d be nice for us both to get out. I wouldn’t call it a date though. But we were both pretty up front about our situation within the first 15 minutes of meeting. I’d say the sooner the better. Don’t lead this girl on. Honesty will go a long ways.

MortarGoBoom · 2023-04-16T00:02:44+00:00

There's no hard time limit. But you owe it to yourself and whomever you are seei t just how emotionally available you are. No sense starting off with a lie or wasting each other's time.

DueSuggestion6670 · 2023-04-16T02:06:33+00:00

I know everyone says to wait and its probably good advice. It personally helped me to start dating as soon as possible. Let me see that there was hope. The most important part is to be completely upfront about your situation. This will significantly deplete your pool of matches online dating, but its way better. Do you really want to start developing feelings for someone just for them to nope out when they find out. Also be prepared to have some say they are ok, but not be later after they think about it. So in summary use it to boost confidence. Be upfront and honest. Don't set expectations too high. Use it as fun. It helped me see there was good potential out there, but ultimately I rnded up not dating till mine was final. Still glad I did it though.

I_got_BAnaNaS · 2023-04-16T02:17:28+00:00

As you can see, there is a wide range of right answers here so far. For example, where I am, it isn’t considered cheating once someone has FILED for divorce. The divorce being final can take years. I know two people personally who are 6 years in. Some couples have to live together for years during divorce. So… Congrats on moving out. It should be way easier to date now that you aren’t living together. :) A lot of women don’t want to date a guy in a divorce because of the drama. They don’t want to be just a rebound, they don’t want to hear about your ex all the time. It’s understandable. You said you want to date casually - that is great. The best way to get over a woman is to get on top of another one. But I recommend keeping it casual since divorce is an emotional mind fuck. Don’t tell her that you’re married. Tell her that your divorce isn’t finalized. The former makes her sound like she’s a scandalous side piece. The latter makes her seem like the lucky gal that landed you just in time before another chick got a chance. (Think positive) Lastly, in the words of Sam Halpern: women will come up with 1000 reasons not to have sex with you…. don’t add to that list. Enjoy.

derelictherds · 2023-04-16T00:17:17+00:00

You should be upfront about your situation and let her decide. Some people don't want to date married people. The fact that you're even questioning being truthful should tell you something. I don't know the details of your divorce, but it's generally advisable to keep your dick in your pants until the divorce is final.

Federal_Cry_1146 · 2023-04-16T04:52:50+00:00

Can understand the want to date. Don’t think you should like most here but whatever dude.

To answer your question. Probability of it being a deal breaker increases the younger the woman is, in my experience. So it depends. But yeah try and mention it as early as possible especially if you have kids.

If you are both certain it’s just casual and will never be anything more then what does it matter. Fuck. Be safe. Have fun.

But yeah. Important point which will in some way negatively impacts you holistically - it’s too early to date.

boatlife44 · 2023-04-16T05:02:36+00:00

I did this. But after I got therapy. I actually started therapy while we were still together. So make sure your mental health is straight before you start fucking around. These girls will get in your head when you need to heal. Straight up.

My best suggestion would be to just hire a hooker if you need to get off. Be safe about it, wrap your shit. I know it sounds crazy, but it satisfies the need for now.

The other thing. I focused and got jacked in the gym along with therapy.

I can literally say anything to a girl now about my long ass separation, kids, mental state. Because I look decent and come across in a healed way. Shit goes far when your mind is right and have your shit together.

Hope it helps bro. Feel free to message me if you need to air shit out.

RuRu_1999 · 2023-04-16T11:09:08+00:00

Tell her the truth, up front. Explain that you are separated and living apart from your wife. This makes you “free” to date. Please do not lie to her. When she discovers the lie, she won’t trust you anymore.

dday_throwaway3 · 2023-04-16T15:02:57+00:00

This is the best advice I've come across about dating during and after divorce. Hope you find it useful: https://forum.mensdivorce.com/viewtopic.php?t=81647

upvotersfortruth · 2023-04-16T23:19:23+00:00

All she knows is that I was recently in a long-term relationship.

I guess that’s one way to put it.

wakablahh · 2023-04-15T22:07:06+00:00

Have you guys signed divorce papers yet?

Until we officially signed papers (she moved out before we signed anything) I considered myself married.

While we wait on the legal process, “I’m single” and “I just got out of a relationship” since the initial papers have already been signed. However, I’m not looking to date yet.

Title	Post-separation dating
Author	chuchomalo
Upvotes	5
Comments	16
Date	April 15, 2023 9:47 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/12njx4v/postseparation_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/post-separation-dating.1214865 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214865

Comments