Earl Silverman: 10 years on

TheTinMenBlog · 2023-04-26T09:20:00+00:00

‘Why don’t men set up their own refuges?’

Well you should ask Earl Silverman that question.

The story for Earl started long ago; he began as one of countless Canadian men who were being abused, and who looked for help, only to find none.

There were no services for Earl. No listening ear, nor shoulder to lean on. And certainly no shelters.

He was on his own.

So Earl decided to do something – exactly what is suggested.

Yes, Earl set up the first and only refuge for abused men in Canada, ‘The Men’s Alternative Safe House’, which he would run from his own home, and using his own money.

For years Earl took men in – men like him – and he ran the refuge single handedly.

He worked, and he worked, and received no funding whatsoever from the Canadian Government.

Soon he sold his belongings. And then emptied his bank accounts. Later he closed his refuge. And eventually lost his house.

The only thing left was his life, which Earl took too, the day after his home was sold.

‘Maybe my death will create a need’, Earl tragically scribbled in his suicide note.

But it hasn’t. Nothing has changed.

There are still no publicly funded shelters for men and their children in Canada.

Neither is any of the $734-million to build 1,500 new housing spaces for survivors, allocated to male victims.

Politicians have failed men. And they have failed Earl.

Today, just last week, male politicians of Canada pranced around in pink high heels to reaffirm their commitment to violence against women, in an utterly meaningless demonstration of virtue signalling.

I wonder what Earl would say if he was alive.

The man who gave everything, and got nothing back.

Today, the 26th of April, marks the ten year anniversary of Earl Silverman’s tragic suicide.

And no, nothing has changed.

RIP Earl Silverman 4 July 1948 – 26 April 2013.

~

Source No Shelters for Men

Images by Kiwi Hug, Dan Cristian Padure, Codioful, and Michal Balog.

Central_Control · 2023-04-26T11:09:25+00:00

Why don’t men set up their own refuges?’

The fact that there are tens of thousands of shelters for women and basically none for men is all I need to know about gender equality. Men's shelters don't get government funding. You either have to be a billionaire or open a shelter in your house.

Normal_Study · 2023-04-26T11:37:50+00:00

Reading this made me ill. Even in death, the government has done nothing. I'm a trans man who went through abuse and suicidal thoughts (ETA: abuse done by a woman). I live in the US and the only options I had were a suicide hotline that would call the police on you, therapists who I couldn't connect with, LGBT+ support groups that were ran by women, and support groups that were just for women. My transition and passing meant I wasn't allowed to be sad. "You are a man and now pass as a man. You have male privilege, what more could you possibly want?" Hell, my grandma runs several charities and they all center around homeless women, abused mothers, and children. Nothing for men. And men aren't allowed in these spaces either because we "might traumatize the abused women there." Where are we supposed to go? There's a reason male suicide is so fucking high, it's because we have no one. We're alone. It's always "women and children", we're collateral damage.

500tausend · 2023-04-26T09:31:53+00:00

This is a really sad story :(

2023-04-26T14:25:47+00:00

Y'all are the only people who've given me any meaningful support instead of just re-victimizing me.

FrowAway322 · 2023-04-26T21:40:45+00:00

Earl deserved better.

flabbergastric98 · 2023-04-28T08:56:40+00:00

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thepogopogo · 2023-04-27T08:31:28+00:00

Me and my Mrs are shedding a tear for Earl. Top Bloke, got a fucking shitty deal from the government.

Embarrassed_Chest_70 · 2023-04-27T15:05:37+00:00

The DV hotline I called turned around and sent the police to my home. I was at work at the time. My mixed-gender housemates, already weary of my ex sending cops over for "wellness checks," promptly voted to evict me. Of course I assumed my ex was continuing her hobby of legal/administrative abuse; only after making a public records request for an mp3 of the 911 call did I learn the vastly more sickening truth.

Dirty_Purity · 2023-04-30T15:27:27+00:00

Men are expendable, always were and situation outside of "first world" is even worse. I am pretty sure that won't change anytime soon at least not in my lifespan.

neighborhoodpainter · 2023-04-30T19:02:08+00:00

"Men are victims in at least one out of four cases of intimate partner violence". I thought domestic abuse, in Canada, was close to 50/50?

Banake · 2023-05-01T10:44:21+00:00

Earl was a hero.

SaltSpecialistSalt · 2023-04-26T09:48:24+00:00

i am not surprised lack of support from general society. but i really wonder why are men so apathetic towards each other ? if only a small percentage of men donated few dollars he would a have succeed

MargieFancypants · 2024-08-26T02:36:58+00:00

I can speak to some of these issues. I was a personal friend of Earl Silverman. After surviving horrific IPV in the late '90s (the 25th anniversary of my own murder was this month), I eventually heard about MASH 4077 and started talking on the phone with him starting in 1999. We talked many times over the years, but we never talked often. Both of our situations were hopeless; we could only call and hear each other out, curse the unfairness, and head our ways for a few months.

I last spoke to Earl about three weeks before his death. He was super depressed. Of course he was, that was how things were. Things were not yet certain, but it sure didn't look good. And so when I heard the news, I could not cry, I was way too far gone emotionally, so I hollered some.

It was not strictly true that Earl received no governmental funding. In fact he got one grant, $750, from the City of Calgary. And that is, truly, 100% sure, all he ever got, if what he told me is reliable. When he told me that, the Alberta government was spending $50,000,000 on a shelter for battered women in Fort McMurray.

It seemed to Earl and me that there was simply no help, anywhere, for abused men. And we were right. 10 years after his death, I had still never gotten support as a victim of violence. However, by that point (for reasons entirely unrelated to abuse) I has realised that I am transgender, and socially transitioned as a woman, and in 2023 started hormone replacement therapy. It's wonderful, I am finally myself.

And WHAT DO YOU KNOW? This year, I am in a support group for survivors of IPV at a women's organisation. Now that I identify as a woman, or really anything but a man, support for victims of violence is now available. Everyone, including the organisers, in this group is horrified by the magnitude of what I suffered, with only amplification of abuse against myself and our children and never, once, the faintest whisper of justice.

But, if you realise you're transgender, you can get some help. It's horrifying, but absolutely true. Though as a trans woman I could be said to benefit from this, I remain appalled that this fundamental safety is denied to EVERY man who is a victim of severe violence, of any kind.

I have to leave North America forever. In '22 Revenu Québec seized all of my bank accounts, making paid work impossible. They will only speak to me about "making pay arrangements", which the sharp-eyed will note is impossible without a job, which in turn is impossible through the actions of Revenu Québec. They are collecting $60,000 in "arrears" that they know (from my tax return) is for income that I never earned. In 2005 I was catastrophically ill, and unable to work for a decade. But they charged child support as if I was working full time. Nothing I could do would stop them. My own lawyers did nothing. And life in Canada can now ONLY mean collecting welfare, sliding into desperate poverty and violence.

I am taking my final escape route. I was born overseas, and I am leaving everything I can't fit into one carry-on bag behind. I will have nothing, and start from nothing but my skills... but at least I am not in a permanent black hole.

Canada fucking sucks.

Title	Earl Silverman: 10 years on
Author	TheTinMenBlog
Upvotes	394
Comments	43
Date	April 26, 2023 9:19 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/12zbwty/earl_silverman_10_years_on/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/earl-silverman-10-years-on.1216910 https://theredarchive.com/post/1216910

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