Throwaway account because my wife is sneaky.

My wife and I will have been married for 10 years in October. We have two kids under 4 and another child that we chose not to know the gender of that is due in September.

We met in college and broke up once over a summer and then got back together. I have only ever been sexually intimate with her while she had one boyfriend in high-school with whom she was sexually active. We always have fought a lot, I figured most couples do, but that really escalated a year after we got married.

Long story short we had to move in with my parents for financial reasons and I came to find out that she had been horrifically sexually assaulted the summer we had broken up after she got off work as a lifeguard at a waterpark. I only found out because she was being counseled through it with my dad as her support (he found out about it due to the context of the assault coming to light). She had been asked to write as much of the experience down as she could remember, but accidentally left it on her nightstand. I was unemployed at the time and happened to notice this wall-of-text, and knowing she isn't a writer, I gave it a read. That's how I found out.

Fast forward ten years, and we both have good jobs, we bought a house, then moved to a slightly more expensive house with a Floorplan more to our liking. We can afford what we have, but we are only about four pay checks away from not being able to pay the bills at any one time as we slowly build up our savings again.

She is the principle bread winner, making two times more than I do. She is also a very type A personality, so she also handles the bills and finances. I've always been fine with that, as I am not confrontational (which drives her crazy) and have a very "sounds good" attitude to most things. She does a lot of research on everything from houses, to finances, to parenting, so I always tend to trust her judgement.

Now, all that being said, things have never really been the same since the whole SA incident came out and she began to discover the repressed memories of the event. She gets extremely angry and has hit, scratched, and thrown things at me many times. I've cried when she threw something at me once as she threw it with such force. We argue about parenting a lot, and I'll be the first to say that I can get in a foul mood sometimes too and there are many times where she has said out loud, and one time screeching at the top of her lungs "JUST LEAVE AND LEAVE US ALONE!" We are also never intimate unless it is "baby making time" which I foolishly though would help our marriage if we had a kid (or more kids).

I am a recovering alcoholic. Never got in trouble with the law, just drank too much at home and threw up a lot. Had to go to the hospital once to "retrieve" a kitchen utensil from my bum as I decided to "experiment" while wasted.

All this to ask, is divorce the best thing here? Will it damage my kids irrevocably? I still want to be in their lives, but I don't think they deserve to come home to a house where their parents are arguing, screaming, or just bickering all the time.

What should I do? I'm afraid.