What is pair bonding?

blushingoleander · 2023-06-18T23:48:59+00:00

No one has a solid answer for "what is pair bonding". The study that supports the thesis was done with some sort of rodent. It is also supported by the idea that a higher partner count correlates with a higher divorce rate.

So let's assume that pair bonding means your likelihood to stay married. This is largely a choice. You vet well, and then you make the decision to remain married even through the tough stuff. When you feel the proverbial 7 Year Itch, you remind yourself that the grass isn't greener (a thing you actually KNOW because you've been with enough men to know what is out there). When you struggle through a rough patch, you don't listen to the voices that say "Run Girl" and instead you dust off your copy of "For Women Only" and your wedding album and you remember that men are different and you love the man you married.

If oxytocin was depletable as the argument goes, then you would love your first child considerably more than your last which I've not seen happen in reality.

If having more partners makes you more likely to cheat - well that is another choice that you are 100% in control over.

The men's side of RP is talking to men. They just need to recognize trends in order to protect themselves. The trends are that high partner count women have trouble settling down. However, you are the woman in this scenario and you are able to reflect and make choices in your life. As others have said, figure out why you have a high partners count. And for goodness sakes, don't get with a man who you aren't attracted to and respect just to have a man. But overall, you are in control of your fate here. There is no study that says promiscuity causes divorce or promiscuity causes unhappy relationships. So fix the behaviors and make good decisions going forward but you are only broken if you choose to be.

ivysaurah · 2023-06-18T01:40:16+00:00

Just your ability to form lasting, intimate connections with romantic partners. I wouldn’t say there’s a specific number like that for it. An excess of romantic partners for either sex is a major red flag for me as it is usually indicative of intimacy issues.

StrangestUnicorn · 2023-06-18T04:23:12+00:00

This does not answer your question, but I do need to to address the claim you make that women lose ability to pair bond after multiple sexual partners. The research does not support this thesis. The relationship between promiscuity and impaired pair bonding is not causal, meaning that past promiscuity correlates with poor relationship outcomes, but it does not cause them, nor is it unique to women.

Even Whisper himself wrote:

they say that women who have lots of partners can't pair bond, when it's actually the reverse (women who can't pair bond have lots of partners).

Research has shown that Big Five traits predict relationship outcomes and sexual behavior, including promiscuity:

Schmitt, D. P., & Shackelford, T. K. (2008). Big Five traits related to short-term mating: From personality to promiscuity across 46 nations (source)

Several traits showed consistent links with short-term mating. Extraversion positively correlated with interest in short-term mating, unrestricted sociosexuality, having engaged in short-term mate poaching attempts, having succumbed to short-term poaching attempts of others, and lacking relationship exclusivity. Low levels of agreeableness and conscientiousness also related to short-term mating, especially with extra-pair mating. Neuroticism and openness were associated with short-term mating as well, but these links were less consistent across sex and nation. Nation-level links between personality and sexuality replicated within-region findings, such as the strong association between national extraversion and national sociosexuality.

Cluster B personality disorders predict both promiscuity and poor relationship outcomes. Borderline personality disorder predicts more frequent casual sexual relationships, greater promiscuity and more impulsive sexual behavior:

Sansone, R. A., & Wiederman, M. W. (2009). Borderline personality symptomatology, casual sexual relationships, and promiscuity. Psychiatry (Edgmont) https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2009-04389-012

Men and women with more past sexual partners are more likely to divorce and more likely to report lower relationship happiness:

Wolfinger, N. H., & Perry, S. (2021). Does Promiscuity Affect Marriage Rates? https://doi.org/10.31235/osf.io/n9e6p
Kahn, J. R., & London, K. A. (1991). Premarital sex and the risk of divorce. Journal of Marriage and the Family

Past sexual history and the number of sexual partners is positively correlated with future relationship infidelity for both men and women:

Pinto, R. B. B. (2015). The relationship between sexual and emotional promiscuity and infidelity (Doctoral dissertation, Universidade do Minho (Portugal)).
McNulty, J. K., Meltzer, A. L., Makhanova, A., & Maner, J. K. (2018). Attentional and evaluative biases help people maintain relationships by avoiding infidelity. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Treas, J., & Giesen, D. (2000). Sexual infidelity among married and cohabiting Americans. Journal of marriage and family.

Knowyourdeductible · 2023-06-24T16:44:19+00:00

I believe the pair bonding thing is BS just as was “the million cock stare” quote parroted around by some chauvinist (who repented after his sister died). In my observation, women who are used to dating and having kids with low quality men eventually stop all together because that is their expectation of all men. Wealthy women have no issues getting married or re-marrying provided she is meeting men in her desired tax bracket. It’s mainly working and middle class women who are worked to the bone and often mistreated by men who are having issues with “pair bonding”. No thank you I will be single and not trauma bonded to just any primate in the jungle.

Key_Hunter4064 · 2023-06-18T06:34:37+00:00

A double number of past sexual partner is high. It shows that a person doesn't consider sex as something intimate or sacred. If you have a high body count it is wise to go nun mode for a awhile and deal with whatever that is that might be causing you to sleep around easily. Could it be past trauma, daddy issues or type of upbringing. Its better to address the root cause.

Funny_Garage3895 · 2023-06-18T18:40:17+00:00

Personally I would say women can still bond and love a partner even if they have had multiple relationship partners

However, what they lose is a sense of self, trust and openness especially if past relationships have been negatively impacting her

Myself, I was in 5 relatively long relationships by the time I was 22. A lot of these were damaging my sence of worth and trust. With my new partner I found it hard to be open and honest due to this.

Women who are openly promiscuous will find it hard to fall in love and form relationships. A friend of mine did this and never fully committed to the men she did end up in relationships with.

The multiple numbers of body count is just a way to say you dont view your body as a temple which now nearly 30 I feel guilty of despite those people being my boyfriends. I feel I wasnt selective enough

northernbelle96 · 2023-06-18T08:31:34+00:00

It is not a real thing and this "theory" is not grounded in anything. The people propagating it are usually toxic manosphere influencers or incels and their only "evidence" is that pair bonding exists in some types of birds.

TRP recommends keeping your body count low for other reasons

Justwatchinitallgoby · 2023-06-18T16:21:11+00:00

It’s just some bullshit the Red Pill guys love to talk about right?

It’s not really a thing….

2023-06-18T11:59:00+00:00

It comes with orgasm and comfort

Dramatic-Wishbone364 · 2023-06-18T15:04:13+00:00

It is all based on Oxytocin. Which is a hormone women have and men do not have. Its released when you have sex and develop romantic attachments to your partner. That's the whole thing about pair bonding. It also gets released around child birth clinging you emotionally to your child.

AutoModerator · 2023-06-18T01:15:28+00:00

Title: What is pair bonding?

Full text: People say that women lose the ability to "pair bond" after 5/6 partners. What does that mean, exactly? And can you get the ability back if you lose it? Thanks!

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madrigalm50 · 2023-06-20T14:15:39+00:00

Not that simple either you want to or not, you can't have it women are unhappy with hook up culture while at the same time "ruining" themselves to not pair bond. I think the idea that you need a "hoe phase" to "get it out of your system" is dumb especially if you didn't want a hoe phase and hated being in it. The studies saying that promiscuous are more likely to cheat comes from studies showing when they stop being promiscuous for a monogamous partner they cheat vs when they stop on their own to be monogamous before they even meet their partner is different. Which come to show "i can't fix him" if false no you can't. how high can tell which one you're partner is, do they reminisce of past hook ups? If they do that's a red flag

why_squ1rtle · 2023-06-20T23:54:18+00:00

Yes see this study done by the National Library of Medicine.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6446474/#:~:text=The%20ensuing%20findings%20indicate%20that,the%20two%20sexes%20in%20humans.

Basically study calculates the oxytocin hormone over 45 men and 45 women (majority of whom were in love relationships). The studies show that women showed a increase of 400% difference compared to men in their plasma levels. Basically when people say women lose the ability to "pair bond" it is because they seek this higher rush of oxytocin hormone.

You can argue that this sample size is too small and that it doesnt necessarily show the differences between single vs relationships. Generally Ive read that hugging, kissing, cuddling, and sexual intimacy can all trigger oxytocin production. In the context of pair bonding i would assume that in older relationships sexual intimacy drops alot after a few years thus women who generally have a higher % of the oxytocin hormone in their blood will want to seek it assuming they've had a consistently high level over many years.

Title	What is pair bonding?
Author	brushshstrokes
Upvotes	21
Comments	37
Date	June 18, 2023 1:15 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14c7bac/what_is_pair_bonding/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-is-pair-bonding.1222661 https://theredarchive.com/post/1222661

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