How to get rid of envy/resentment towards women?

operation-spot · 2023-07-06T06:46:29+00:00

I can’t speak for other women but I’m in college and I don’t have a boyfriend or go out to parties. You probably don’t see women who aren’t in relationships while you’re out because they aren’t out. I can assure you that I’ve never been approached in public or received a compliment from a random man so trust me, it’s not every woman. I will admit that I don’t make much of an effort towards dating so that might be why I’m not in a relationship yet.

Gender equality has nothing to do with dating, it’s about the women getting the same legal rights as men and having more options in life. Feeling angry is normal but I’m guessing there’s another emotion like insecurity bidding beneath it. Good luck

sickbabe · 2023-07-06T06:54:07+00:00

I'm not gonna respond to all the rest of this but considering I worked in a nightclub for a long time, I'll tell you right now that those "parties" are money making ventures that grab cash from the same types of guys who get pulled into redpill. women have a much easier time getting into clubs and parties because we are MERCHANDISE, and the women who go out for those promotions are less likely to go home with any man than they are the friends they came with. I wouldn't bother with them unless you're actually going for the music.

IsItTheLegendGejmee · 2023-07-06T07:33:13+00:00

(This got super long, I’m sorry)

I am a woman, I was never lucky enough to be in a relationship before my current one. The thing is not all women have hundreds of guys lining up to take them out. Funny enough in my circles it was the complete opposite and it seemed like getting a gf was the easiest thing for the guys.

Also the partying you mentioned might not even be connected to dating or hooking up with guys. Sometimes girls have a night out with their friends, no guys or dating drama included (me and my single female friends used to do that regularly a couple years ago and never ended up hooking up with someone cause that was not the goal of the evening), think of it as an equivalent of a night with beer and games at some male friend’s house.

Yes, some women have 10 men fighting for their attention right now. Some men have 10 women crushing on them as I’m typing this. But just as you feel lonely and unlucky, there are many girls and women feeling the same way and struggling just as you do. Also being seen as an object by some men makes you feel even more alone than if they never noticed you. Because everybody sees you but they see only your body, nothing inside of you seems to be worth knowing.

What I can offer is my life experience as a girl and a woman so you could have a different POV.

In dating there’s quantity and quality. On online dating sites the ton of men you think women are offered usually absolutely sucks. So maybe if you had no standards or concerns about your safety. And I’m not talking “6ft tall, rich, hot” standards. If you’re lucky, they have no social skills and no personality (so you carry the convo all by yourself) and make it very obvious they wanna use you as a sex doll before even remembering your name (hookups are totally fine but be upfront about it and maybe like… make sure your partner also enjoyed it cause these selfish pricks never do).

In worse cases they might actually start stalking you, assault you, rape you, kill you… so there may be plenty, but in the end not much good comes out of it. There are of course decent men on the apps just as there are all kinds of women and some of them are terrible people as well.

I absolutely understand the frustration of not getting any dates - “What fucking quality if the quantity is zero anyway??” - you’re right and I agree. What worked for me was to stop basing my own value on my success in dating so much. Then adopting the view that rather than dealing with somebody undesirable I would just be alone until I came across someone who seemed to fit into the life I had built for myself AND ALSO wanted to be a part of it themselves because there is no use begging people to like you or find you attractive. What this does is give you some kinda confident energy you radiate and actually attract people’s interest. It sounds like some esoteric BS but have you ever heard of “taken energy”? Or the cliche that “it comes when you least expect it”? As infuriating as it is hearing this constantly, the confidence makes the difference imo.

Back to the original question - I would try and think about it this way: if I wanted to find out what other people ate and drank and only had the info from social media and cafés, restaurants, clubs… I would come to the conclusion that every single day everyone eats an avocado toast with waffles for a brunch with a couple of friends, then goes to have an overpriced artsy latte with a cheesecake, followed by a lunch in a luxurious restaurant, another overpriced coffee in an instagrammable place, after that they’d meet with friends for some sushi before heading to a fancy bar for mixed drinks or wine. And I would question if I was the only one eating a random homemade soup at home.

People are always showing just the best 10% of their lives and that creates the illusion that the 90% is just as good when that’s never the case. Maybe some of the girls who talk about their boyfriends are unhappy in the relationships and still feel lonely even though they literally have a partner. Or those who brag about their hookup last night actually didn’t even enjoy it but wouldn’t admit that. I sure know such people so don’t fall for it, it’s just that some people live a life on easy regardless of gender.

Edit: typos

SSKeima · 2023-07-06T07:08:24+00:00

By your logic, if you point to a random man, they'd most likely have a girlfriend (or boyfriend) too - because someone has to be dating the woman you're pointing on in your own example.

Did you know that, statistically, your friend will have more friends than you? It's called the Friendship Paradox. Basically, it's due to a sampling bias, which is the same as you're doing with women.

The women you see out being social? Yeah, they're the women who are more likely to be dating. The women who are quiet, stay at home and keep a close circle of friends? They are less likely to be out for you to see and compare yourself with. They're more likely to face the same struggles as you might.

I used to be frustrated and didn't understand why other women were able to find men to be with and I weren't since it was supposed to be so easy - and I thought something was wrong with me. I've approached men and gotten rejected as well.

What helped me was finding my tribe. You might want to get to engage with more kinds of social circles to find the right scene for you. It helped a lot when I got to university where people appreciated my nerdy side more, which meant that I clicked with more people.

i-ix-xciii · 2023-07-06T09:35:42+00:00

It's interesting to me that you acknowledge there's a small percentage of men who supposedly get all the women - wouldn't it make more sense for you to be angry and jealous of those men?

The truth is you aren't jealous or resentful of women, you just feel entitled to women you are attracted to (because I guarantee there are women in your life you don't even look at or notice because they're not attractive to you). You are withholding love and romantic attention from those women in the same way that you feel attractive women are withholding something from you - the only difference is those unattractive women probably actually respect your feelings and your ability to not choose them.

So step 1 in your metamorphosis if you're serious about changing - you need to work on fostering even a base level of respect for women. Try to be the type of person a woman would date, and give women a reason to feel attracted to you and comfortable around you. You're not entitled to anything just because you exist in the world as a man.

emfanthrowaway12 · 2023-07-06T07:25:52+00:00

As someone who has been in a closed and pretty introverted group of friends, all the women in our group had been single for years and still struggle to find anyone, because theyre people who focus on their life more than parties, arent too outgoing and have the exact same struggles as we men do. In our group everyone who found a relationship did it at their own pace when the time was right, and there was no difference in gender. Sure, the women we know do occasioanally get approached by some groups to buy them drinks if they ARE at parties, but they usually decline as theyre smart enough to know what that could lead to. If you compare yourself with extroverted people who are univerally considered attractive, men or women they usually have a partner. Bottom line, if you were as extroverted, outgoing and had so many friends around you constantly inviting you to parties, you'd have more oppurtunities too, just like those women, issue is not everybody is into that kind of lifestyle and both men and women who are usually very introverted and closed in their world, they have the same struggles, and even if women get approached more, those women usually want a genuine connection rather than a player so those interactions usually dont end in anything, I know plenty of women like that, so try not to compare yourself to others. If you crave being outgoing and a party guy, go for it, if you think thats authentic to you sure, if not, focus on yourself and how you can meet women who are more like yourself, best of luck

MouldyMug · 2023-07-06T14:09:56+00:00

I'm a women and the fact that men approach me in public is absolutely not a luxury. They are not the kind of men I would ever date. They are pushy and creepy, and seem to only be interested in sex, and not a meaningful relationship

xvszero · 2023-07-06T17:44:21+00:00

I'd suggest you look into confirmation bias because that is absolutely happening here.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confirmation_bias

I go to restaurants, libraries, cafes, etc. and I can assure you that I, like everyone else there, have no idea what the relationship status of the vast majority of other people in that place at that time is. There is absolutely no way you are gathering complete data on everyone in there every time you go to one of these places. That's simply not happening.

What you're doing is hearing some people talk about all kinds of things but your mind is singling in on the stuff that most affects you, which is women talking about boyfriends. Well yeah, the people actually in relationships tend to talk about relationships more than everyone else. You're just not paying as much attention to the people who aren't doing that.

bluemagex2517 · 2023-07-06T16:34:27+00:00

All(I mean all) the women, average or below, talk about their bfs and parties they're going.

If those women all have boyfriends, then there has to be guys to match. A small percentage of those women are dating some of the same guys (who are cheating), but most are matched one to one with a guy somewhere.

It's thus simply mathematically impossible for there to be far more women with bfs then there are men with gfs. It's possible for for their to be slightly more, if men cheat more. But cheating can't really explain the the discrepancy you seem to be experiencing.

So what explains your experience where all these women you encounter have bfs, but you aren't encountering men with gfs to match?

One social difference between men and women is that men don't talk about their long term romantic partners as much. Firstly, because it's just not part of their culture as much. Men hanging with men (especially young men) tend to focus more on discussing their hobbies and jobs, whereas women tend to focus on discussing their various relationships (romantic but also familial and platonic). It's not that men never talk about their relationships, it's just less so, especially in all male spaces. It's not that women never talk about hobbies or work, it's just that their various relationships are treated as more of a conversational priority.

For example: I played poker every week with dozens of guys in college for 3 years straight. We talked about a lot of shit, our girlfriends hardly ever came up.

There are also different social pressures for each gender that go along with this. Some young women use their romantic relationships for social status, whereas young men often use brief hook-ups for social status. Many women mention their relationship status among men to signal that they are taken, so as to ward away the awkwardness or sometimes danger of unwanted suitors. Men tend not to do this as much, in part because there is much less danger.

There is also a bias of your personal group of friends. If you're a man with little relationship success, it's likely that more of your friends are male and more of those male friends also have little relationship success.

Somewhere out there are groups of men who all have gfs, as there are groups of women who are all chronically single. You just don't know those people, at least not well. Both are in spaces you don't frequent.

My suspicion is that far more of the random guys you see and talk to have gfs then you realize, they just don't mention them as often. Whereas the random women you meet mention their bfs more often (sometimes even if they don't have them, just to fend off creeps or more rarely to maintain social status). Couple that with your biases, both personal and social, and you have a recipe for seeing a disparity that isn't there. Empirically speaking, it can't be there.

weightgain40000 · 2023-07-06T06:34:25+00:00

I am a woman. I've struggled in a social way my whole life which means I'm not out partying, hooking up, constantly out enjoying myself etc, probably like alot of women.

Instead of focusing too much on everyone else I've looked inward, not that I've done anything about it.. I don't know how to make myself more outgoing for long periods of time.

And I also know that what I see on social media and in real life is people putting the best version of their life out there, and their life is probably different truthfully.

Maybe don't focus on the bigger picture, look inward and try and keep yourself busy. Never done online dating but in my opinion from watching others on their own online dating journey is eventually you MIGHT find what you're looking for but you have to wade through ALOT of shit first.

Achillesbuttcheeks · 2023-07-06T07:06:37+00:00

A good place to start is to begin seeing women as people with nuance and complex emotions like your own. You need an empathy check. As someone else suggested start looking inward. How do you like to be treated? Are you kind enough to yourself? Are you projecting and transferring your feelings onto others? Start asking yourself questions to get to know yourself

Your whole redpill era you have consumed media projecting men doing super cool stuff. like being fighter pilots and adventurers and even super spies to name a few. You have gotten to know and see men in a positive light. In history classes you learned about men becoming presidents, kings, and important historical figures. You know men, you are a man and so its easier to empathize with fellow men. You could try to learn about women, consume stories written by women, women who changed history, there are just as many women heroes and characters as men seeing as statistically they outnumber them! Start with your mom (or any women close to you), ask her about her life and experiences if you can

EcstaticYoung8856 · 2023-07-06T15:23:01+00:00

My best advice is to look at women as humans too. They all go through loss and heartbreak. Your perception of this is not accurate.

Im in my 30s but when i was my hottest in my early 20s with the best body i probably felt the most lonely and used by men. Not everything is what it seems

LovellyNarco · 2023-07-07T21:46:53+00:00

I mean this as respectfully and kind-heartedly as I can express it, but what you don't understand is that the rich supply of constantly interested men "on hand" to women is not owing to women being unjustly privileged by a deliberately uneven markplace, but owing to the male sex having an almost sociopathically powerful desire for sex, almost constantly, esecially when younger (not casting judgement btw; just an observation).

Women, by virtue of biology, simply do not share this same trait. We aren't intending to neglect or ignore men sexually, and we don't deliberately withold sex from you as some sort of spiteful punishment as some men seem to believe. We just do not share the same intense desire for sex nearly as strongly or regularly as men do, and therefore aren't constantly hovering around looking for an opportunity to receive sexual action.

You say you feel jealous that we have our pick of a generous supply, but what you don't grasp is this said supply is not for romantic union, but for carnal intercourse. I'm sure for a man this is a dream come true! But as you know, we are extremely different creatures.

From our perspective, it doesn't mean we just have this abundance of steamy pleasure on tap. In reality it means being on the receiving end of far more lecherous attention, far more intrusive and sexaually agressive behaviour, stalking, peeping-toms/voyeurism/upskirting; we're far more the target of sexually motivated hostile crime, and we're literally almost never seen as anything other than an opportunity to be a cum-receptacle.

We are jealous that you are able to walk around and not have to worry about being groped under your dress on the subway or think about a hidden camera in the bathroom. Imagine knowing there's a huge industry of men buying used women's underwear online, or watching porn so habitually it's permanently compromising their testosterone levels and sperm count. You have no idea how disgusting we find it and how many women resent it to the point they actively hate men for it.

What you resent, therefore is, is the absence in women of traits that belong inherently to men. It is men who enthusiastically offer themselves up sexually over and over, making themselves readily available for sex and pursuing women endlessly for it. What you feel jealous of, therefore, is an innate biological blueprint that simply can't be engineered or changed. To me this is as useless a form of envy as feminists have for mens capacity to generate excessive amounts of wealth and become CEOs. Women have wasted generations of their existence being bitterly jealous of men and it turns them into spiteful haggard shadows of their former selves. You are essentially angry at nature, and if you think you're angry at not getting action, you only need to look at feminism to see how furious women get being on the receiving end of it. Women will literally shave their heads and wear black lipstick to make themselves as ugly and undesireable to the male eye as possible... give that some thought.

You can't be annoyed at us because we don't act like hungry dogs on the prowl. You also don't take into account the interest we receive is not an endless supply of romantic options, but sexual options. Women are not wired like men and we do not crave endless amounts of sex with no strings attached. It is long recognised that women do not enjoy and end up very damaged by meaningless one night stands. Look what happens to the women who DO make use of this supply - men call them run-through and used up 304s! So it's not like you even truly see the advantage in it either, is it? I appreciate to you it looks like a Christmas-come early deal, but to us it is often an annoyance, imposition and generates signigicant levels of disgust and resentment. The stakes are much, much higher for us as the carriers of babies, and sexual selection is therefore a much narrower and choicier affair. It must suck for men in that sense, I do admit that, but then this is just the law of nature, and if men really believe in accepting that life is about inequality (as they often say), then this is one of those inequalities you have to accept.

Helpful_Advance624 · 2023-07-06T09:30:10+00:00

Equal doesn't mean the same. You can have the same rights as someone who is more attractive, more charismatic, more easy-going,...

ResistPrestigious373 · 2023-07-06T20:21:13+00:00

Men and women are equal but different. We are both human beings with our own set of life experiences specific to our sex.

You also are putting too much emphasis on hooking up, and that's the difference between men and women. MOST women are not doing that. Most women can get a relationship if she wants, but women are also a hell of a lot more vulnerable and vulnerable to abuse... by far. Women also handle the burden of pregnancy and birth, destroying her body. And child rearing and caregiving 100x that of men. Women may have it easier when it comes to romantic or sexual relationships, but that's because that's what men want from women. Women and men are not the same. So you are jealous of the opposite sex because they get the attention that you feel you should be entitled to, without any of the responsibility that comes with it. Male attention is not in short supply and it isn't worth anything.

I can tell you that as one of those women that "gets attention all the time", it makes it really hard to find someone who is sincere. If you'd like to be humbled, just go on any dating site and make a profile of an attractive woman and see how many conversations with men you can keep up with.

2023-07-06T09:59:32+00:00

There are roughly as many men as women, so it’s not possible for one gender to be in relationships more often unless it’s gay relationships. What you may be noticing is sampling bias. Also women are more often in relationships with men a bit older than them. So young men are single a bit more often than young women, and older women are single more often than older men.

vcreativ · 2023-07-06T20:53:02+00:00

And I can't help but feel angry and jealous.

Somewhat understandable, but perception of reality of the other from the outside is veeery difficult to assess accurately especially when allowing for consequences over significant time ranges. So it mustn't be used as the basis of negative feeling of the self.

You are currently comparing apples and oranges.

Women face different challenges. First of all, more options actually means less satisfaction. Those that are dating many people aren't doing it because they are happy, it's because they're looking for something better. And Seneca tells us that poor is who wants more than they have.

So things are not what they seem.

The reason some women are complaining on social media about "where are all the good men gone" is the reverse perception problem of yours. May it seem like a joke. They're kind of stuck with the men that approach them, that treat them ... meh, most of the time. But unless they themselves start doing the emotional work to get out of that cycle (ultimately resulting in them not being attracted to idiots anymore) they're quite stuck in party land.

It may seem like fun, but it really isn't after quite a short while. It's just a different type of hell.

So to answer your question. Have empathy, understand that things aren't what they seem, work on your own emotional development. And if you can improve something concrete about yourself, maybe it doesn't hurt (though don't get neurotic about it, it should be an expression of yourself).

Endgame is, get yourself in a position where you get to know women over a while, become friends with a few you actually like. And talk to them. Some are bad, don't be discouraged, plenty aren't like that. And then when you actually like like someone, tell them with measure, grace, and honesty and expect nothing in return. Tell them that you don't expect anything in return.

Honestly sharing what you feel to someone that genuinely matters to you is one of the most courageous things anyone can do. And everyone knows it.

All the best.

Custom-character-005 · 2023-07-06T16:15:04+00:00

I think a lot of the effects you’re seeing are based in societal expectations that “men must approach women” for a date. Have you tried dating apps where you get to message “matches” who’ve liked your profile?

SufficientDot4099 · 2023-07-06T18:16:26+00:00

Do you realize how stupid you sound? If all of those women are talking about their boyfriends, then obviously there are a lot of men that have girlfriends.

Women do not have it easier at all.

bapeshoos · 2023-07-07T22:58:41+00:00

As a lesbian woman, I used to feel intense jealousy for men because it feels like they can get girlfriends very easily. Then I realized I don’t need a woman to feel satisfied. I don’t need to build a family. I just wanna make fuck you money so my family can live in total peace.

risen-098 · 2023-07-08T01:35:53+00:00

i dont trust any incel that says 'average or below' women when you see them saying the new fable lady 'ugly'. just a bunch of double standards and sample bias.

Shannbott · 2023-07-13T03:05:21+00:00

Hello there, I am a woman who does receive lots of attention and offers for dating and thought I’d give you an answer. First off, as some others have said, it’s not all women. I am naturally thin, have green eyes and smart. Makes the dudes wild. I have noticed that people who are not as thin don’t get anywhere near the same amount of attention, people who are maybe more plain also don’t get great treatment. I think that’s messed up and I honestly, as a woman, don’t much appreciate it. It feels really shallow and fake. I understand men are more driven by sex and so maybe they don’t care about the quality of person who wants their company. I personally don’t want almost any of the men who give me all this attention. I have deduced that some women are maybe less picky, they’ll just take whomever. That said, I don’t feel like I have a ton of great options. I can pick from random dudes who see me as a sex object, or a challenge, or I can try and make a real connection with someone I actually like. It’s driven me to dress like a hobo out in public just to keep peoples eyes off me. I’ve also been screwed over too many times by men who just wanted to conquer some smart chick or high quality chick or independent or whatever I’ve been deemed by them. It’s hard to find something real when you’re viewed this way. Therefore I’d say, be patient. When you’re stressing over what’s coming to you, it won’t come. I personally would rather not kiss so many frogs to get to a prince. Well I guess if you’re not being pursued, you won’t have to kiss so many frogs. I can understand that might suck and feel defeating. I can tell you that confidence ups your attractiveness to any person. Work on your inner self and liking who you are and then have patience and secure attachment so that you can attract quality over quantity. Good luck out there 💜

marv34001 · 2023-07-06T18:45:42+00:00

You don’t

Suspicious_Glove7365 · 2023-07-11T17:57:35+00:00

So all these women out IRL who you can randomly point to who have boyfriends…is an example of a man having a girlfriend, right? If she’s dating the guy, then that’s a guy dating a girl. So why is it only the women who are the issue? Do you see the paradox in your statement? If women are out there with boyfriends then that stands to reason that plenty of men have girlfriends. Where’s the inequality? Unless you’re implying that there are more lesbians or something…

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Moosiemoobee · 2023-07-07T00:26:32+00:00

1st step is quitting red pill cold turkey if you in that community they will warp your perception.

Feeling_Capital_8774 · 2023-07-29T06:19:40+00:00

Because that part of the data is NOT wrong. Women are hooked on casual sex. Look at relationship forums. The men complain about not having sex and the women complain about a guy ghosting after sex.

Every study has shown dating apps get women many more matches than they do men.

idiosyncrassy · 2023-08-01T18:04:03+00:00

Assuming you are talking about straight women, all these women you resent for finding someone to date are, in fact, dating guys.

They're not out there collecting some commodified concept called "guys" that works like Pokémon cards and every woman has a box of "guys" that she trades until she gets the best ones. Because that is stupid.

Every relationship a straight woman is in, there is a guy also in a relationship.

Title	How to get rid of envy/resentment towards women?
Author	shyreject17
Upvotes	34
Comments	63
Date	July 6, 2023 6:05 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/14rzvdy/how_to_get_rid_of_envyresentment_towards_women/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-to-get-rid-of-envyresentment-towards-women.1224396 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224396

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