Genuine question

achyshaky · 2023-07-22T02:23:15+00:00

I mean, no one is obligated to pursue a relationship. You don't need to date. And you should be doing all of these things for YOU, not women. Having good health, education, stable income, etc. is important with or without a partner.

But there's no sense being bitter about basic human pattern recognition.

The reason people are paying attention to you now as opposed to during the pandemic is that they're responding positively to someone who appears to be taking good care of themselves. Especially when it comes to your body.

You say you're lifting? It's easy to write off the new attention as women unjustly favoring that body type, but really it's simply way more obvious to tell that a person's taking care of themselves if they actively work out. All the other indicators (graduating, getting a job, reading up) are things people won't learn until they talk to you, so until that, there's nothing else to go by but first impressions.

StarTrippinn · 2023-07-22T02:41:50+00:00

Im not sure what the problem is. How would you know if they wouldn't have liked you before unless you pursued them before and also after and they changed their tune? If it's just your perception then I'm not sure how reliable that is.

I want to be in a relationship with someone I like and also someone I want to have sex with. Thats how most people are. Its not a personal slight against you so don't take it personal.

eefr · 2023-07-22T04:02:39+00:00

If it's just personality that matters, why not try dating men? There are many gay men with lovely personalities.

Most people want to have sex with people they find sexually attractive. Isn't that true of you too?

Now, if those same women didn't give a fig for me before, why should I value/not lie/ not play then?

Sounds like you're looking for a specious excuse to treat people poorly. Don't. You're still an asshole if you treat people badly; justifying abusive behaviour because "women are shallow and deserve it" is a toxic trait.

I suggest you speak to a therapist about your misplaced anger and resentment towards women. The fact that some women were not attracted to you in the past, and different women are attracted to you now, is not a rational reason to hate or mistreat anyone. You are not entitled to anyone's sexual attention, and women are not a hivemind acting in concert.

xweert123 · 2023-07-22T04:26:40+00:00

I think you missed the point. The point of "working on yourself" means to take care of yourself and make yourself presentable and happy without doing it to impress others or get validation from a relationship. Now that you have started taking care of yourself people are starting to notice that, but since your personality hasn't changed, then if you manage to get into a relationship, your relationship is going to be very shallow and unhappy because it's clear you did these things for validation instead of just focusing on being a good human being, and you'll use the relationship to try to be manipulative, controlling, and disloyal; things that make somebody very unattractive.

The answer is genuinely so obvious and I don't know how it went over your head.

ColdSnickersBar · 2023-07-22T04:00:52+00:00

Well there’s still a lot of connections to your personality. Like, for example, your likelihood that you take care of yourself is part of your personality. If you’re the kind of person that would be a shitty partner and put everything off upon your partner, then that’s your personality. Showing that you can take care of your health and finances shows that you can pull your own weight, which would mean you’d be a better partner, hell you’d even be a better friend. The kind of guy less likely to need you to constantly bail them out. That’s all part of your personality. Being a good adult is part of your character, which is also being personable.

Also, working out improves your mental health, which makes you have a better personality. Having your financial sitch worked out makes you less chaotic and less stressed, which improves your personality. All these things make you less likely to be a pain in the ass to be with.

samurai_JM · 2023-07-22T05:12:48+00:00

To answer your question: you don’t have to.

The most important change you made is that you left your personal bubble and put yourself out there in the world. You don’t get dates or even friends by keeping to yourself.

“Working on yourself” is what you do to help take care of your own life. Becoming more attractive to others because of that is simply the fruit of that labor. Your bitterness is clearly holding you back from enjoying your progress in life. Try to let it go. Talk to somebody face to face about how you feel if you think you need to.

Self improvement is a long journey and I don’t know if it ever truly ends. Do it for yourself not solely for others.

xAmypond_gww · 2023-07-22T08:41:23+00:00

Would you date an obese, unemployed girl who spent her days gaming?

Stargazer1919 · 2023-07-22T06:05:13+00:00

Why do I have to "work on myself" to get in a relationship?

Technically, you don't have to. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.

The fact is that everybody brings baggage into relationships. When you date someone long enough, they get to know you more and more, on a deeper level.

Don't you want to be a good person, for yourself and them? Don't you want to be the best version of yourself you can be?

Personally, I don't want to be someone who is negative and going to bring someone else down with my problems. Nobody is perfect and nobody has to be. I think it's a very noble thing to be honest about what you have been in the past and show that you're working on doing something better.

Confidence is attractive. Progress is attractive. Effort and hard work is attractive. Not only are these things attractive, but they are also valuable in themselves.

Wouldn't you rather be with someone who has some goals for themselves and is working towards them?

_PinkPeony_ · 2023-07-22T02:52:55+00:00

This post is tripping me out 😆. What a weird take, being upset that women find you attractive because you are after working hard to improve yourself, lolol. Being angry that when you were slovenly and lazy women weren't gravitating to your... personality 😂. Make it make sense 🤣!

Looks are like what a flower is to a plant, no one can see your personality just by looking at you. Looks matter and that doesn't mean a person who is attracted to you is a bad person. Do you befriend women you find unattractive or just ignore them outright no matter their personality?

Your post reeks of entitlement. Thinking you should have to do nothing to make yourself desirable to women and being angry when you do and it nets attention 🙃.

Love is conditional for most people no matter their sex, it's nothing personal to you. Also, you attract a woman with your looks, she gets to know your personality (if it really is as good as you claim, I have doubts), and falls deeply in love with you, a love that will last a lifetime.

RedEgg16 · 2023-07-22T05:39:51+00:00

Because no one wants to date someone lazy, unhealthy, and with no drive??

2023-07-22T06:22:48+00:00

First of all, you should work on yourself for yourself, especially for your health.
As for relationships, you can let your pride get in the way and reject all women, or accept the fact that fit and healthy looking people (women and men alike) are simply more attractive, and you know exactly why.

That won't make your personality matter less in terms of relationships. If your personality is unattractive, women will still reject you despite your muscles. Why would otherwise physically attractive men on dating apps complain about not getting a second date? Think about it.

emfanthrowaway12 · 2023-07-22T12:07:50+00:00

Id say, apply the same standards to who you pick. If youre trying to get mad at the world that noone gravitates towards you if youre not taking care about your appearance, I suppose it would be hypocritical for you to reject women who dont care about their appearance either? I mean, I bet their personality is great as well isnt it? Sure, with age we begin to decline, thats natural, but thats not something we have control over, but you definitely have control over it at this age. Taking care of your physical and mental health is something you should be doing even outside of thinking of romance, for simple quality of life, but theres plenty of women who would still accept you at your absolute worst, simply ask yourswlf wether those women would be someone you'd pick, standards you apply to your partner should also be the standards you apply to yourself

Public_Survey_6812 · 2023-07-22T13:28:32+00:00

Because looks get you a lot of benefits. We all go old and lose muscle but that’s a FAR way off

kingpinkatya · 2023-07-22T15:45:33+00:00

Its about effort. They're putting in effort and want a partner who will match that.

You're looking for excuses to play women because you basically had a depressive episode and stopped putting effort into your appearance (like a lot of other people during covid).

Just make sure you're only pursuing women based on personality tho, okay? Since appearances don't matter here 😇

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TopIncrease6441 · 2023-07-22T05:03:52+00:00

I agree with another commentor. If someone is disciplined enough to take care of themselves it signals to me that they’ll be disciplined enough to take care of a family. Now the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Just because someone is physically fit with a degree doesn’t mean they won’t still be a deadbeat dad and a cheater. However the rest of the world hasn’t caught onto that memo yet.

darkdick300 · 2023-07-22T16:29:04+00:00

You don't have to make any changes to your lifestyle that you don't want to.

I would recommend making changes because you want to rather than to attract a partner. You can't control whether people are attracted to you and focusing on it is likely to make you miserable.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-07-22T16:33:42+00:00

I gained a lot of weight during lockdown, and basically spent my days gaming, watching college lectures, and eating junk food. But my personality remained the same

I started pumping some weights, reading some books, graduated from college and am actively looking for a job,

The personality differences between these two behaviors are: Conscientiousness, ambition, self-love, purpose-driven, disciplined, work ethic, improved mental health, and much more. Thats why women prefer you now and for very good reason.

ChillwaveSos · 2023-07-22T17:15:36+00:00

So let’s get this straight. Red pill targets Hypergamous women: women who ONLY appreciate you for your value. Attracting and only surrounding themselves around those type of women is why most RP men believe that ALL women are the evil goldiggers, which makes them think that they are only good for fucking. Not every women has this mindset and this is based on the women I’ve dated after my RP stage.

Why do I have to “work on myself” to get in a relationship?

It makes you a mature and more secure person. People get in relationships so they can grow with their partner and if I find someone who isn’t doing their own growing then that leads to a struggle relationship. You don’t have to do this to get in a relationship but it will prevent a lot of traumas being passed onto someone else, financial issues. Me personally, I understand that no one will have their shit completely straight especially in the world we are living in now. However, I find it better to work on the issues I can fix now instead of having them happen right when a relationship begins.

If they don’t want me at my worst they don’t deserve me now, right?

I find this false because I’m not a fan of struggle relationships. You can hype up personality all you want but bro, you were obese and didn’t care for your nutrition. I’m sure you had tons of other baggage that people didn’t wanna carry and they shouldn’t, because we all have our own shit going on. Most struggle relationships involve the man/woman to basically give their partner a piggyback and, in this current world, those lead to diminishing returns. Not all women find fat people attractive and that’s valid. Think I’m wrong? Try and dating a obese lady because she has a personality and see how far that gets. I tried it and it didn’t work because I didn’t find her attractive enough to be in a relationship with her. Now my question to you: Do you really think your old self, who didn’t take care of his health nor try to get in shape, deserved to gain have the attraction of all those women ?

vcreativ · 2023-07-22T21:31:48+00:00

Not entirely true. Your personality is expressed through your habits, too. And being fit and healthy is a much better habit to show off than the exact opposite.

Also being fit generally just works for people, just don't mistake attraction for feelings, they're not the same thing.

You should always value others, in general don't lie, because it'll corrupt your character. Same for playing. It hurts others a bit, but it'll wreck you as well as your potential for an actually good partner - they'll smell that shit from miles away.

If they didn't want me at my worst they don't deserve me now, right?

I would never think of others as undeserving of me. I might not want to spend time with them for whatever reason. But to be considered undeserving just feels narcissistic.

So if someone rejected you harshly or made you feel bad about yourself but they're attracted to you now. You don't have to get with them. But realise that you weren't doing yourself any favours before, and that's kind of your own fault.

ZenSawaki · 2023-07-24T19:34:50+00:00

Do whatever you want. It's that simple.

absolutebeginners · 2023-07-26T12:28:51+00:00

Would you date a girl a lot fatter than you?

LolliaSabina · 2023-08-03T06:15:43+00:00

Here’s the thing… women are very rarely judged just on our personality. So why would you expect men to be?

Also, most men don’t realize the massive amount of effort that most of us put into our hair care, skin care, makeup, fitness, wardrobe, etc., every single day.

Title	Genuine question
Author	MeanCoach
Upvotes	2
Comments	59
Date	July 22, 2023 1:25 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/1566bcj/genuine_question/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/genuine-question.1226050 https://theredarchive.com/post/1226050

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