This is something that comes up a lot on this sub. I see some people moralizing about how and why it's wrong, and others smugly boasting about their Machiavellianisms.

The word itself comes loaded with negative connotations. It's deceitful, predatory, and self-serving. Nobody wants to be played for a fool.

But are there instances where it's a good thing?

A guy telling his girl she looks beautiful, on a day when she hasn't made a real effort, is a form of manipulation; it's dishonest at the very least. But its effect is a reassurance of his affection.

A girl dropping hints to her guy like "It would be nice if we went out somewhere tonight" is manipulative. But she's expressing a desire, and giving him the opportunity to take the initiative, which will make him feel masculine, and her more attracted to him.

A friend group of guys cracking scathing jokes at each other's expense is mean and manipulative, but it's a form of verbal playfighting, which is strengthening. And it forces guys to face their sensitivities and perceived weaknesses.

A friend group of girls gossiping about others in their lives will have some of the most irrational, emotionally charged takes. It's manipulative, but the group is bonding and healing each other emotionally.

These are simple everyday examples to illustrate the point.

Most of these behaviors are unconscious, so does that exempt them from being manipulative, because they're natural? Is it only manipulative if done consciously?

As human beings, we have the ability to speak rationally with each other, and intellectualize our feelings. But I'm sure you've noticed, in your own life, how those types of discussions are never as compelling and impactful as appeals to emotion.

Sure, a group of people during a discussion may all intellectually agree on some standard of correct and fair conduct. But their actions day-to-day will reveal that their deep-rooted desires have a stronger impact on their decision-making than any rational thought frameworks. And we've all been guilty of it at various points in our lives.

Do you think it's right for a good man who understands female nature, and a good woman who understands male nature, to 'manipulate' each other into meeting the other's relationship needs?

That's essentially a form of red pill. The two are working symbiotically, taming each other like animals because they understand the common triggers and desires of the opposite sex.